


We Are Stardust, We Are Golden

by spacey_gracie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Awkward First Times, Ben is a guest, Ben is so soft, But has anger issues too, Catskills, Emotional Sex, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Hux is Not Nice, Loss of Virginity, Marijuana, Masturbation, Mention of pregnancy, Poe is a hippie, Rey and Rose are roommates, Rey works at a Catskills resort, Secret Relationship, Small scene of violence, Smut, So Much Softness, Summer Romance, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), Woodstock, and sweetness, and tenderness, welcome aboard the angst train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:19:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacey_gracie/pseuds/spacey_gracie
Summary: In the summer of 1969, Rey and her best friend Finn travel to the Catskill Mountains to work at a summer resort.  Rey enjoys her job until a guest named Armitage Hux arrives, who makes her life a living hell.  But there's something about his friend Ben that intrigues her.  As Rey and Ben begin to fall for each other, they must keep their intense relationship a secret.  They are also forced to navigate their first love while major events of the 1960's, such as the Vietnam War and the Woodstock festival, occur around them.





	1. Going Up the Country

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!!
> 
> This is my first ever fic, so please be kind! I've been a full-time reader on here for the past year, and have decided to start writing my own stuff. I hope it isn't too terrible, I'm actually SUPER nervous to post this. 
> 
> In this story, I'll be putting my two favorite subjects together, Reylo and the 1960's. 
> 
> I'm sorry if it isn't 100% historically accurate, but just try to go with it. If you aren't familiar with the Catskills, they used to house several major summer resorts, catering to mostly Jewish populations from NYC. Many comedians and performers got their start performing at these resorts, such as Joan Rivers and Jerry Seinfeld. The resorts are mostly defunct now, and have either been demolished or have fallen into disrepair. I do visit the Catskills every summer, but I am not Jewish, nor was I alive during the time this story takes place, so if I get anything wrong, please let me know and I will fix it.
> 
> I drew influence from the movies Dirty Dancing (which also takes place at a large Catskills resort), Taking Woodstock, the Woodstock documentary film, and a little bit from the musical Hair. 
> 
> Each chapter title, as well as the fic title, comes from music of the era.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Semperfidani for this gorgeous moodboard!

 

 

 

_I’m going up the country, baby don’t you want to go?_

_I’m going up the country, baby don’t you want to go?_

_I’m going to some place where I’ve never been before._

_-Canned Heat_

　

　

Everything out here was green. Rey had never seen so much green in her entire life. As she watched through the passenger side window of her best friend’s car, she saw the landscape morph from a lush forest, to vibrant green mountains, and eventually to an expanse of endless grassy farmland.

“Look, cows!” Rey cried, pointing animatedly out the window. It was a juvenile thing to be excited about, but having spent her entire life living in cities meant that the only wildlife she was acquainted with were pigeons and rats.

Finn laughed at how awestruck she was.

“Get used to it, Peanut. You’re going to be seeing this all summer”.

“The air feels cleaner out here, too”, she breathed in her lilting English accent.

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ll find any smog in the Catskills”, Finn said with a smirk.

An hour and forty-five minutes after driving out of Brooklyn, Rey and Finn finally arrived at their destination. The Alderaan was a large, sprawling resort located just past the Catskill Mountains, nestled in between a few of the many dairy farms dotting the landscape. This was going to be their home for the next two months.

She and Finn had met at the orphanage in Brooklyn when they were twelve. They’d both been outsiders; Rey having landed there after her cross-continental adoption fell through, and Finn having ended up there after the untimely death of his parents. They’d been each others’ first friends at the orphanage, and since then, they’d always looked out for each other. Rey had excelled in school, beating the odds and securing a full scholarship to Columbia in the fall. However, she aged out of the orphanage in mid-June, leaving her without a home for the summer. The woman at the scholarship office had suggested she consider spending the summer working at The Alderaan, stating that the scholarship benefactor knew the owner of the resort, and could put in a good word for her. She would be fed, housed, and paid for her work.

Finn had also recently left the orphanage, and Rey had begged him to apply for a job at the resort too, so he could join her on her summer adventure. He didn’t really have a life plan, having spent his post-orphanage days sleeping on friends’ couches, so he eagerly accepted the invitation to join her. He’d driven out to the resort for an interview a month before, and they were both ecstatic when they learned he’d been hired as a busboy.

Finally, Finn and Rey pulled up to the administration building and located the staff office. Once inside, they were greeted by a young professional looking girl who introduced herself as Kaydel. The pair spent the next hour sitting in her office, reading over and signing endless amounts of paperwork. She also went over several rules with them, which were mostly concerning etiquette, such as keeping away from guest areas, and ensuring all interactions with guests were strictly professional. She also pointedly mentioned that members of the opposite sex were not allowed in each others’ bunks. Rey could tell what Kaydel seemed to be implying, but didn’t bother mentioning that she and Finn considered themselves siblings, and could never see each other in that way.

After what seemed like forever, Kaydel finally announced that she was going to show them to their bunks. The bunks turned out to be rows of tiny bungalows, each housing two to three workers. Rey’s cabin was the first stop, and Kaydel handed her a key as she opened the door. A young Asian woman sat on one of the beds reading a book, and her eyes brightened up as Rey stepped inside.

“You’ve got a new roommate, Rose”, Kaydel called out to the girl with a smile.

“Thanks, Kaydel”, Rey said. “I’ll catch up with you later, Finn”.

“Yeah, I’ll come find you after I get settled”, Finn replied with a wave. With that, Rey was left alone with her new roommate.

“Hello”, Rey said, gently placing her suitcase on the empty bed.

“Hi! I’m Rose”, her roommate said with a smile. At least she seemed friendly.

“Rey. Nice to meet you.”

　

\---------

　

Rey didn’t love her job, especially at first. She had never worked as a waitress before, and it was initially very daunting to be a server in the resort’s massive dining hall. The job was thankless a lot of the time, and the work wasn’t easy. A large percentage of the clientele was very wealthy, and they weren’t always kind to her. Rose was also a server, and she and Rey always exchanged stressed out smiles as they passed each other while holding trays of food.

Rey fumbled through her first couple of weeks on the job, but eventually gained a rhythm and began to build confidence. She noticed that some of the guests stayed at the resort for only a week, and some seemed to be there for the entire summer. Rey couldn’t fathom a life where one could afford to live in this paradise all summer, with every want and need being impeccably catered to. The resort offered events and activities every single day, from swimming in the lake, to arts and crafts classes, comedy shows, and archery lessons. Though staff wasn’t generally allowed to participate in these activities, Rey was sometimes able to listen to some of the concerts and comedy shows through the back door of the concert hall, which was adjacent to where she worked.

Rey and Rose quickly became close friends. For her entire life, Rey had been both outwardly tough and internally closed off, which didn’t exactly make friendships easy to come by, especially with other girls. But Rose’s easygoing nature made it easy for Rey to bond with her, and Rose fell comfortably into the dynamic of Rey and Finn’s relationship. The three friends spent great deal of time together, taking frequent trips to the local diner, sometimes accompanied by other co-workers.

Rey also had a sneaking suspicion right off the bat that Rose had developed a crush on Finn, and her hunch was confirmed one night early on when Rose suddenly began pouring out questions about Finn’s romantic life.

“Does he have a girlfriend? Have you two ever been involved? Do you know if he’s interested in anyone right now? Has he said anything to you about me?”

Rey laughed, shaking her head.

“Rose, Finn and I are basically siblings. We have most definitely never been involved, nor do we really ever talk about that kind of stuff”, she said with a shrug. “I honestly have no idea if he’s interested in anyone, but I’m sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend”. She honestly thought it was adorable that Rose had a crush on him, and she genuinely hoped that they would end up as an item, even if it was only for the summer. They both deserved it.

“Oh”, Rose replied thoughtfully. “What about you? Any guys in your life?”

“No”, Rey replied, her face coloring a little bit. She was a little embarrassed at the fact that she was eighteen years old and had never so much as kissed anyone.

“Maybe you’ll meet someone this summer”, Rose offered. “This seems like a really good place to meet people, and there are lots of cute guys working here”. Rose smiled as Rey laughed politely. She didn’t tell Rose that she wasn’t really looking for romance. Romance always seemed like something complicated and messy. She didn’t need that in her life.

“Maybe”, she replied with a half smile.

　

　

\----------

　

Her first month at The Alderaan passed quickly and without incident. She had come to quite enjoy life here, even if the work was sometimes stressful. The beautiful, serene grounds, and the feeling of family and community that she shared with her friends and co-workers more than made up for any negative sides. She actually found herself dreading the time when she’d have to go back to the city and start school full-time. But, she knew it was for the best, and hoped that maybe she’d be able to come back next summer.

One evening in late July, Rey entered the cabin after work to get ready for her night off. She and Finn had plans to get dinner and catch a movie, just the two of them. It had been a while since they’d spent quality time together with no other friends around. As Rey stepped into the cabin, Rose groaned from her bed. She was curled in the fetal position, and she had an anguished look on her face.

“Hey, are you okay?” Rey asked her, concerned.

  
“No”, Rose wailed. “I have the worst cramps of my life. It feels like there’s a rabid animal in there, tearing my insides to shreds”. Rey grimaced at the odd but accurate analogy, and walked over to her dresser, pouring some water on a facecloth and bringing it over to place on her friend’s forehead.

“Don’t you have to work tonight?” Rey asked.

“Yes”, Rose replied, tears gathering in her eyes. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it through. It hurts so much”.

“I--I could go in for you”, Rey replied, secretly hoping Rose would say no, but knowing Rose wouldn’t have hesitated to offer the same for her.

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Rose asked, sitting up a little.

“Of course”, Rey replied with a gentle smile. “I know what cramps feel like. They suck”.

“Oh my god, Rey, you’re the best”, Rose cried. “I’ll work any shift for you, just let me know when”.

“It’s no problem”, Rey replied, gathering her things for what would likely be an exhausting night at work, and running out to let Finn know she wouldn’t be able to make it.

Exhausting proved to be an understatement. There were no dinner shows going on in the concert hall on this particular night, making the dining hall even more crowded than usual. It was so busy that people had to wait for up to an hour to be seated. Fortunately, Rey’s boss Amilyn was working, and she always ran a very efficient, organized operation. She was also fair, kind, and not too demanding of her employees.

At one of the tables that Rey was assigned to sat four kids who were about her age. She hated when groups of teenagers and young adults sat without their parents, for they could be far more demanding than even the pickiest adults, and they had a tendency to be rude or to tease the staff to impress their friends. She grimaced internally as she stepped up to the table to introduce herself and take their orders. They must have just arrived at the resort; she hadn’t seen any of them before.

One of the guys, a wiry boy with red hair and sideburns gave her a sly smile as soon as he saw her. Rey knew that look, and her insides shuddered with disgust as he blatantly looked her up and down, his slimy smile not leaving his face the entire time.

“Well, hello”, he said suggestively, and the tall, blonde girl across from him snorted with laughter.

“God, Hux, can you be any more obvious?” The blonde snickered.

Rey looked over at her, and she looked just as aloof and unfriendly as the ginger boy, who was apparently named Hux. The girl noticed Rey’s glance, and she crossed her arms and stared back at her smugly, as though she was challenging Rey with just a look. Rey looked down demurely as she quietly took their drink orders. She hoped they didn’t notice the fact that her nerves were rising. She felt like she was ten years old again; the small, skinny, sad outcast who no one seemed to want.

The other two boys at the table appeared to be less aggressive; one of them was small and seemed very nervous. When Rey’s eyes finally landed on the other guy, she saw that he was… something else. She hadn’t noticed him at first, but when she looked up from her notepad to take his drink order, her mind momentarily faltered. She tried desperately not to look as awkward as she felt, though she could feel a steady blush rising on her cheeks. He was huge; she could tell he was massively tall even while he was sitting down. He had dark, shaggy, soft looking hair that fell almost to his shoulders, which contrasted starkly with his alabaster skin. Freckles dotted his face, though they were dark and spread out, very unlike the soft smattering that cascaded across her own nose. He had dark, striking eyes, a sharp nose, and very plush looking lips. She had never seen anyone like him. He also had a deep, masculine voice that made something curl in her stomach when she heard it.

“Hey---hello?!” She suddenly noticed Hux had been trying to catch her attention as she tried to concentrate on writing down their orders while her brain was busy short-circuiting. His incessant nagging snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him. He was staring at her expectantly, with the same sly smile on his face.

“God, you sure are incompetent”, he huffed, looking her aggressively in the eye. “I said, make sure there’s no ice in my drink, otherwise I will ensure that your manager hears about it”.

At this, the handsome guy snorted and let out a small laugh. Rey decided at that moment that despite being unbearably handsome, he was no better than his slimy friend.

She turned to Hux and narrowed her eyes ever so slightly, but schooled her face back into a normal expression, smiling tightly at the man and nodding. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes as she walked back to the kitchen, taking a deep breath and dreading the moment she had to return to their table.

They ordered their food without any issues, save for Hux’s blatant ogling of Rey, which made her horribly uncomfortable. She made it a point to avoid eye contact with him, and the rest of the group for that matter. She made sure the kitchen rushed their order, so the man wouldn’t have something else to complain about. In the meantime, Rey served several other tables, finding temporary solace in the guests who were actually kind and appreciative.

As soon as the meals were ready, Rey loaded them on a large tray and took a deep breath. She reached the table and began setting the plates down, trying to act as elegant as possible, despite a nagging feeling of dread. No one said a word as she set their plates down, except a quiet ‘thank you’ from the small nervous guy. As she set Hux’s plate in front of him, he looked down at the food with a confused expression. He glanced back up at Rey in a manner that she could only describe as mocking, and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.

“What’s this supposed to be?” Hux asked her.

“It’s the braised spring lamb stew, Sir”, she replied. She momentarily panicked… had she brought him the wrong dish? No, she concluded. She distinctly remembered him ordering the lamb stew.

“I believe I ordered the prime rib”, he replied with a smug smirk.

“But”, Rey protested, growing slightly exasperated. “You definitely ordered the stew. I remember what you said”. She looked around the table with a futile hope that one of his friends would come to her defense. Not surprisingly, none of them did. Hux spoke again, this time lower and more slowly, as if threateningly scolding a misbehaving child.

“I. Ordered. The. Prime. Rib. Take it back and bring me my correct order”.

Rey tried her hardest not to roll her eyes in frustration. She realized he was trying to mess with her because he found it funny. If she was back at the orphanage, she would probably have punched him in the face by this point. But, she was at work and had to be professional, so she took a deep breath and plastered a fake smile on her face.

“Yes, sir”, she replied. “I apologize for the error. I’ll go put that in right now for you”. She turned to walk away when he spoke again.

“You know”, he called after her. She steeled herself before turning around again. “I won’t file a complaint against you if you meet me at my cabin later. You could make it up to me in… other ways”.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Hux”, she vaguely heard the tall woman chime in, but Hux’s gaze on Rey never faltered.

He then placed his hand on the side her thigh, close to her knee. Something in Rey snapped, and she saw red. She couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She took a step towards him, suddenly finding her confidence. She adopted a smug look on her face to match his, and leaned down a little bit. Hux looked momentarily surprised that she appeared to possibly be taking him up on his offer.

“Sir”, she started in a quiet, breathy voice. “I’m going to respectfully ask you to please _fuck off_ ”. She said the last two words firmly, but still quietly enough so the other guests wouldn’t hear her. Rey was about to turn and storm away and ask one of her co-workers to take over the table, when Hux suddenly and intentionally knocked his bowl of hot stew off the table and right onto the skirt of Rey’s black uniform. She gasped as she felt it run down her pantyhose-covered legs and into her shoes.

“Oops”, he said mockingly as his face grew ten times more smug. Rey looked across the table as Hux’s friends stared, their eyes wide in shock. She looked further, and realized that several of the neighboring guests were looking over at her.

“I--I’m sorry”, she stammered, quickly regaining her professionalism. “I’ll get something to clean this up”. She walked back to the kitchen with the stew still running down her uniform and legs, her shoes making a squishing sound every time she took a step.

The second she stepped back into the kitchen, Rey burst into tears. She brought her hands up to her eyes and sobbed, facing the wall in a weak attempt to keep her co-workers from seeing her. Someone must have run to get Amilyn, because after a minute, Rey heard her gentle voice as she felt her hands on her shoulders.

Amilyn brought Rey into her office and Rey tearfully explained everything that had happened. Amilyn listened, and gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Rey, sometimes we have very high-touch customers who make it a point to make our lives a living hell. That’s the service industry for you. Unfortunately it’s those same customers who provide us with a paycheck and ensure our job security. Most of our clientele comes from wealthy, sometimes very powerful families. So as hard as it may be, Rey, this is unfortunately something you’ll have to deal with from time to time. There’s nothing we can really do about it”.

“I suppose I helped escalate it. I acted out of line and I’m sorry. I’ll make it a point to control myself better next time”, Rey replied, her voice heavy and congested.

“It’s okay, Rey. It happens”, Amilyn said with a smile, patting her arm. “I’ll get someone else to take over that table for you, but in the meantime please take a break and clean yourself up a little bit. It’s too busy tonight, otherwise I’d let you leave early”.

Rey nodded, smiling weakly.

“Oh, and Rey? This is off the record, but I would’ve said the exact same thing to that asshole”.

Rey burst out laughing.

The rest of the night went relatively smoothly, though Rey’s shoes remained damp and squishy from cleaning the stew out of them. She avoided walking near Hux’s table, and couldn’t even bring herself to look in that direction.

Finally, she spied out of the corner of her eye that the group was leaving. She glanced over at them as they were standing up, laughing and joking around as if nothing had happened. At the last second, the tall, handsome guy’s gaze snapped over to hers. She looked away from him immediately, feeling her cheeks heat as an unexpected, fleeting pang of nervous excitement shot through her stomach.

She tried not to think about what that meant.


	2. Wooden Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux continues to be an awful person. Rey and Ben have an actual interaction.

_Go take a sister, then, by the hand_  
_Lead her away from this foreign land_  
_Far away, where we might laugh again_  
_We are leaving, you don't need us_

_-Crosby, Stills and Nash / Jefferson Airplane_

 

 

Over the next week, Rey managed to avoid running into Hux and his group of friends.   She hoped that perhaps they’d only be staying the week at the resort, and once they were gone she wouldn’t have to worry about ever seeing them again.  She’d told Rose and Finn a little bit of what happened, but she’d toned down the story quite a bit, mostly because she didn’t like talking about it.Internalizing her problems was something she was best at.

 

As August rolled around, the days began to shorten and the nights grew cooler.  Despite subtle hints of the impending change of season, summer was still going strong during the day.Rey and Rose made the most of their time not spent at work relaxing in the sun.  The two girls had recently discovered a small, secluded cove off the lake that was tucked in a heavily wooded area, away from the main beach where the guests swam.  There was a long wooden dock and a large old boathouse, with a small rocky shore nearby.  Best of all, there was a large sign in the woods just before the cove that read “No Guests Beyond This Point”.  Rey and Rose surmised that only time the area was actually used was when the boats and canoes were stored off-season in the boathouse.  

 

During the week or so that they’d been going there, the only other signs of life they’d seen were birds and some squirrels.  The girls decided not to tell anyone but Finn about their discovery, so as not to ruin their pleasant solitude. Unfortunately, Finn tended to work on an opposite schedule as the girls, so he was there far less often.  Rey and Rose spent several afternoons before or after work sitting on the dock sunning themselves, reading, and chatting idly.  Often times, Rose would sit on the edge of the dock with her feet dangling into the water, but Rey always sat far back.  She and water did not have a good relationship.

 

“You know, it’s not going to hurt you.It actually feels nice on your feet”, Rose would always say.

 

“I’m okay back here”, Rey replied, bringing her knees up and hugging them.

 

“Suit yourself”.

 

 

——

 

 

It was early on a Sunday afternoon, and Rey had just risen from a deep sleep, having worked an exhausting dinner shift the night before.  The cabin was stuffy and warm, and Rey could tell she was in the midst of another hot summer day.  After lazing around in bed for several minutes, she pulled on a white, sleeveless shift dress that was short enough to hopefully keep her cool.She looked in the mirror and pulled her shoulder-length brown hair into a half ponytail.  Smiling at her reflection, she noticed that her freckles were becoming more prominent from the sun, and that she was developing a decent, sun-kissed tan.  Rey grabbed her purse and headed to the staff mess hall in search of food.  

 

Rose and Finn were already there, grabbing sandwiches for lunch.  As Rey sat down with her sizable tray of food, she immediately noticed an awkwardness in the air.  Rose and Finn seemed to exchange odd, fleeting glances between one another and Rose’s cheeks were stained with a prominent blush.  After a moment, she smiled sweetly at Rey.

 

“That dress is super cute, Rey!”

 

“Thanks”, Rey replied.  “Uh, is everything okay with you guys?”

 

“What?” Rose replied too quickly.  “Yeah, we’re fine.  Everything’s fine”.

 

“Mmmhmm. Yup. Fine”, Finn chimed in, nodding almost violently.  Rey narrowed her eyes in confusion and looked down at her food.  Whatever was going on, they weren’t going to tell her right now.

 

“Okay, well, I gotta get going, my shift starts in a half hour”, Finn said, quickly standing up and bolting awkwardly towards the door.  Rey watched him, perplexed, before turning to Rose.

 

“What was _that_ about?”  

 

The blush on Rose’s face deepened, and Rey’s face curled into a knowing smile while she crossed her arms smugly.  

 

“Did something finally happen between the two of you?”  

 

Rose giggled.

 

“Kind of… maybe”, Rose said cryptically with a silly grin plastered on her face.  “Not here though.  Let’s go sit at the dock and I’ll tell you”.  

 

“Okay”, Rey smiled triumphantly.  She wondered if they had kissed, or maybe gone even further.  The latter was certainly possible, judging from the way the two of them were acting.  

 

Though Rey was thrilled for her friends, she hoped someone would slap her out of it if she ever acted that silly over a boy.

 

 

——

 

 

Rose’s story turned out to be far less lurid than Rey had anticipated.  

 

“We sat here on the dock, with just the moon illuminating the water.  All you could hear were the crickets, all around us.  It was really romantic”.

 

“So what happened?” Rey asked eagerly.

 

“We just… talked”, Rose replied dreamily.

 

“‘Wait, that’s it?  You just talked?”

 

“Yeah.  I thought he was going to kiss me at one point, but I figured maybe he’s just shy about that kind of thing, which is totally okay.And yeah, I guess I was a little disappointed, but I think we made a lot of progress”, she gushed, speaking rapidly.  "He told me about when he was a kid, and about his parents.”.Rey’s eyes widened a little at that.Finn didn’t tell just anyone about his childhood.  He rarely even spoke about it to her, even though they were best friends.  Rose continued.

 

“And I told him about all the heavy stuff from my childhood, like how we fled Vietnam when I was four, and about when my older sister died a few years ago.  We really opened up to each other, and it was… pretty amazing.  We were also sitting really close, with our legs right up against each other, and he put his hand on mine at one point.  It just felt—I don’t know—magical.  That probably sounds so stupid”, she laughed, with a shake of her head, her face coloring again.

 

“Sounds to me like it was really nice”, Rey said softly.  As much as she constantly told herself otherwise, she knew that a part of her longed for that kind of connection with someone.  It was great having close friends, but something small in the back of her mind craved more than that.She smiled as she tried not to let any melancholic feelings take over.

 

“I’m really happy for you, Rose”, she said sincerely.

 

 

——

 

 

The kitchen was stifling hot. 

 

Rey cursed the black, long-sleeved cocktail style dress that she was required to wear as a uniform.It was itchy, restricted her movement, and was especially bothersome on warmer days when she had to spend her shift running back and forth from the crowded, humid dining room to the even more sweltering kitchen.

 

Every time she had a free minute, Rey snuck out the back door for some fresh air.This particular night wasn’t exactly cool, but the air wasn’t stagnant and suffocating like it was inside.When she was finally allowed a proper fifteen minute break, she rushed outside and stood against the railing of the large wrap-around porch that lined the building. The air felt heavenly on her sweaty face. She lifted her hair off her neck and fanned it with her hand, closing her eyes in bliss as she cooled off.Suddenly a voice snapped her back to reality.

 

“Busy night, kid?” 

 

Rey jumped out of her skin; she hadn’t realized anyone else had been around.She turned around and saw an older man standing far down on the other end of the porch, smoking a cigarette and looking out into the darkness.He was clearly a guest, and wore the dining hall’s required attire of a suit jacket and slacks, though such formal dress didn’t quite seem to fit in with his rugged face.She supposed this man had probably been roguishly handsome when he was younger, and she tried to imagine how his face looked before he had wrinkles or gray hair.

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy in there tonight”, she replied casually.The man didn’t move from his spot on the other side of the porch, but continued speaking.

 

“Mmm”, he grunted in agreement.“Hate crowds.I had to get out of there for a few minutes”. 

 

“Me too”, she replied with a sympathetic smile.

 

“Yeah? This whole place really isn’t my kind of scene”, he continued with a smirk.“I could do without socializing and mingling at every meal.And ‘ _scheduled activities_ ’.My wife dragged me to an arts and crafts class today”, he said idly, and though Rey couldn’t see his face well in the darkness, she could hear in his voice that he was likely rolling his eyes hard.She snorted. 

 

“Why are you here then?”She asked playfully.He shrugged.

 

“For my wife.She’s really into all this summer shit”, he replied, gesturing around him.“She wanted to have a nice family vacation before my son goes off to school in the fall”. 

 

“Oh, well that sounds nice”, Rey replied.

 

“Unfortunately for her, my son hates all this stuff too”, the man snickered.

 

“At least you have someone to share your boredom with”, Rey offered.

 

“Yeah, I guess so”, the man replied.Rey couldn’t help but notice a twinge of sadness in his voice as he said those words.He took a long drag from his cigarette before speaking again.“Gotta get back in there”, he said, flicking the cigarette over the railing of the porch.“Have a good night, kid”. 

 

“You as well”, she replied with a friendly smile.“I hope it gets better for you”.The man smiled at her and let out a quiet sarcastic laugh before walking towards the guest entrance.Rey stood by herself, leaning on the railing for a few more minutes before bracing herself for the wall of suffocating heat that she knew would greet her at the door to the kitchen as she went back to work.

 

Rey was finally let out at 10pm.Normally after a late shift, she would go to her bunk and head to bed, but she’d slept in so late that she wasn’t yet ready to settle in for the night.As she stepped outside, she heard music coming from the concert hall.She decided to sneak in the side door, as she sometimes did when a show was going on, and watch for a little while.She entered the building and walked down the staff hallway, entering into the small, dark inlet that allowed her to see the stage area, but also bathed her in shadows so no one would notice her standing there.

 

To her surprise, all of the tables in the hall had been removed.This was not a dinner show like she’d been expecting, but instead throngs of teenagers were spread across the floor, dancing to music provided by a live band on stage.A large banner hung across the wall that read “Starlight Dance”, and glittery Sputnik-style starburst decorations hung from the ceiling.

 

Rey stood and watched for a few minutes, while the band played a fairly decent rendition of a Chuck Berry song.Absently scanning the crowd, Rey smiled at how goofy some of the kids looked while they danced. It brought back memories of the few dances she’d actually attended in high school.Being somewhat of a tomboy, she hadn’t been particularly popular, and had always been passed over by boys.Even if one had ever asked her to dance, she supposed she would have felt too self conscious to actually do it in front of people.

 

After a few moments, her eye was caught by a figure on the opposite side of the room.An impossibly tall boy was standing up against the wall, dressed in a black suit.Her cheeks heated as she recognized his angular face and mop of dark hair.

 

 _He’s still here_ , she thought.He was standing alone, looking particularly uncomfortable and out of place, pretty much exactly like she had back at her high school dances. 

 

She froze as a troublesome thought suddenly entered her mind.If this boy was still at the resort, then there was a good chance that Hux was too.The moment the thought crossed her mind, she spotted him.Her heart sank through her chest, down past the floor, and into the basement. 

 

Hux was dancing wildly with the other guy and girl who had been sitting at the table at dinner that night.The girl, who also turned out to be remarkably tall, exuded confidence and elegance.Her platinum blonde hair was pulled back and she was wearing a blood red, knee length dress that was both classy and sultry at the same time.The shorter guy seemed nervous and self conscious, his eyes darting around the room every few seconds as he moved awkwardly across the floor. 

 

Rey’s eyes fell back upon the tall boy, who looked bored as anything.After a few seconds, she noticed someone walking up to him.A beautiful girl with dark, curly hair, who was wearing a light blue party dress and matching heeled shoes greeted him with a bright smile.He seemed to know her, because he looked somewhat relieved when she approached him.They stood against the wall together, talking and laughing until the song ended.Rey ignored the pang of jealousy she felt.

 

The next song the band played was slow, and people swiftly paired off.She noticed the blonde girl immediately grabbed the nervous boy by the hand and led him out to the middle of the dance floor.Rey smirked at their significant height difference.She looked back over and saw that the tall boy and his female friend were already dancing.His hand was curled around her waist, and Rey’s eyes widened as she noticed how massive his hands were.His other hand held hers, and it absolutely dwarfed her, making hers look tiny and delicate.Rey then snorted to herself as she saw Hux standing against the wall behind them, his eyes prowling the room predatorily.She watched him walk up to a girl, ask her to dance, and glare when he was turned down.This happened two more times.He seemed to be walking erratically, and she wondered if maybe he was drunk.Finally, Hux interrupted the tall boy’s dance, speaking to him for a minute, and then leading the way as his friend followed him.Rey froze as she realized they were walking right towards the hallway she was standing in.

 

_Shit._

 

She quickly ducked into the first open doorway she saw, which led to a darkened room that seemed to be used for storage.A moment later, she heard voices in the hallway as they walked towards the door that led outside. 

 

“Give me the whiskey, man”, she heard Hux say.Of course alcohol was involved, just as she’d suspected. 

 

“Can you at least wait until we get outside?” His friend replied.Even when he sounded exasperated, his voice was as smooth as honey.Rey peeked out from the room she was hiding in to see his large hand run through his shaggy hair.It made her shiver. 

 

Rey stood awkwardly in the dark room, wondering if the two guys had left the dance for good, or if they were going to come right back.After waiting about five minutes just to be safe, she cautiously made her way down the hallway and tiptoed to the door, sneaking a glance out the narrow window to make sure the coast was clear.It wasn’t.They were standing just outside with their backs turned, passing a flask back and forth between each other.Rey bolted back down the hallway as she saw Hux’s friend screw the cap back onto the flask and tuck it in his suit jacket.She’d made it into the storage room just in time before the door burst open and she heard their voices once again.

 

“I’m sure she’d make a great lay”, Hux’s slimy voice slurred.“You gotta man up and take what’s yours”.

 

“Nah, man, I really don’t like her like that”, the tall guy said with a snicker. 

 

“You’re pathetic”, Hux joked.“Okay then, while you’re sitting there waiting for _the one_ to come along, I’m gonna go find some action”.Rey grimaced at how sleazy he sounded.“Even Mitaka’s getting laid”, he added.“Mitaka!!That guy starts shaking when a girl so much as looks at him”.They both laughed.As they walked back into the dance hall, Rey crept out from her hiding spot.She stood back near the doorway, watching the two guys to make sure they weren’t coming back her way, so she could make a quick exit. 

 

“Ben!” A sweet, feminine voice called out, and the tall guy whirled around.The girl he’d been dancing with earlier was calling him over.

 

_Ben._

 

His name was Ben.

 

Rey smiled involuntarily.

 

Ben walked over to his date as she grinned sweetly at him.She pulled him down to whisper something in his ear, and placed her hand on his.As Rey paid closer attention, she realized that he didn’t seem very receptive to the girl’s advances; any attraction seemed to be one-sided. 

 

Rey looked back up at Ben one last time before she left, and the last thing she saw before turning down the hallway was that his eyes were fixed directly on her.

 

 

——

 

 

The next day was incredibly humid.Breathing in the air felt almost like taking a lungful of water.When Rey and Rose headed out to their hangout spot after a short morning shift, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.However Rey knew the weather could be deceitful, and that days like this usually ended with spectacular thunderstorms. 

 

Rose was wearing a bikini top with shorts.Rey didn’t own a bathing suit, so she had thrown on the skimpiest outfit she owned in order to combat the heat.She loved her paisley crop top that showed off her toned stomach, and a pair of high waisted shorts that were perhaps a tad too short, but they accentuated her long, lithe legs.She laid a towel on the dock and stretched out, placing her sunglasses over her eyes and soaking up the sun like a cat. 

 

Rose laid down on her stomach, pulling out a book to read while Rey’s activity of choice was to drift pleasantly in and out of consciousness.She was lifted back into reality when Rose suddenly spoke.

 

“Did you hear that?” 

 

Rey picked her head up, listening for a moment.

 

“No, what was it?”

 

“It sounded like voices”, Rose replied. 

 

They were both silent for a moment before the distinct sounds of two men talking echoed from the woods. Rey and Rose scrambled up as they heard branches crackling, the sounds getting closer and closer.They quickly snuck behind the boathouse, assuming that the intruders were fellow employees who would likely reprimand the girls for being there. 

 

Rose peeked out from the side and turned to Rey, rolling her eyes.

 

“I recognize them.They’re guests. I’m going to tell them to get lost; apparently the huge sign didn’t deter them”.

 

Rey peered out from behind the building, but froze the second she saw the two guys. Of course; it was Hux and Ben.

 

They were walking, laughing, and passing back and forth what looked like a cigarette, though it was slightly pointed on both ends.Of course they were sneaking away to do drugs. 

 

They were both wearing khaki shorts and light colored t-shirts, and it dawned upon Rey that before today, she’d only seen them in formal dress.Her eyes widened slightly at how muscular the tall guy appeared.She’d had no idea he he’d looked like _that_ under his suits.

 

Rose stepped out into the open before Rey could do anything.

 

“Rose, wait!” Rey cried in a frantic whisper, trying to grab her friend and pull her back behind the boathouse. But it was too late, Rose began shouting to them before she realized what Rey was trying to tell her.

 

“Hey! This area is off limits to guests!You need to leave!” 

 

Rey leaned her head against the side of the boathouse, well aware that this interaction was not going to go well.As expected, a familiar voice sounded from the other side of the building.

 

“Who the fuck do you think you are to tell us that?” Hux asked in a slimy voice. 

 

“I work here”, Rose replied, crossing her arms in front of her and planting her feet solidly on the dock.

 

“Oh?” Hux laughed incredulously.“Clearly you’re working _really_ hard”, he said with a mocking tone in his voice.“Besides, I’m not taking orders from you.In fact, I demand you apologize for treating your patrons so rudely”, Rey heard Hux say, as his voice began to sound closer and closer.She heard the stairs that led to the dock creak, and her heart quickened a little bit.

 

She decided that she couldn’t stand it anymore.Rey stepped out from her hiding place, taking a defiant stance next to Rose.

 

“She told you that you weren’t allowed here, which part of that did you not comprehend?”

 

Hux didn’t reply, instead his eyebrows raised up and his face twisted into a creepy smile, his eyes pointedly looking her up and down.Remembering that she was wearing far less clothing than she had been the last time Hux had seen her, Rey protectively circled her arms around herself. 

 

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite little waitress”, he said in a frighteningly calm voice.He stepped closer up onto the dock, while Ben remained behind with an indiscernible look on his face.“I’ve been wondering where you’ve been”.

 

“Stay away from me”, Rey hissed.Hux turned to Rose. 

 

“You know, your friend here is lucky she still has a job”, he said with a snicker.“She provided me with very unsatisfying service the other night”.Rose looked just as furious as Rey felt.Hux turned back to Rey and stalked towards her, reaching a distance that was uncomfortably close.Rey didn’t budge, though at this point her heart was pounding.In her anger, she hadn’t realized that she had backed up very close to the edge of the dock.Hux leaned in and spoke very quietly.

 

“I bet there’s _something_ you could do that would be _very_ satisfying for me”, he crooned suggestively, while reaching out and running his hand lightly along her waist.That was the last straw for Rey.Before Hux could move away, Rey wound up and slapped him across the face as hard as she could.Hux looked momentarily stunned, and the next thing Rey knew, she felt his hands pushing her and she was falling.It seemed to happen in slow motion.Her hips swiveled and she saw herself barreling head first towards the water.She instinctively put her hands out in front of her in a futile attempt to cushion her fall, and the last thing she heard before she hit the water was Rose scream her name. 

 

Rey didn’t know what to do.She felt herself sinking, and her arms and legs thrashed violently.She felt pure terror as her worst nightmare was coming to life.Finally, after what seemed like minutes, but was probably only a few seconds, she reached the surface.She heard herself gasp loudly for air, and her arms kept moving up and down, slapping at the water in an attempt to stay afloat.Rose was still screaming.Rey’s head kept dipping under the surface, and she was taking in mouthfuls of water. 

 

Finally, she felt a disturbance in the water next to her, and saw a flash of black hair.Rose had jumped in after her. 

 

Rey felt a strong hand grab her arm and pull her, and her exhausted body went slack.Rose was a lot stronger than she’d realized.Rey kept her eyes shut because the irritating lake water was making them burn, and she tried her best not to try and breathe, telling herself that she would be out of the water soon.She felt as though she was going to pass out. 

 

She finally had her head above water and began coughing and sputtering.She felt an arm circle around her back and another under her knees.Wait, how was Rose possibly holding her like this? She may have been strong, but she was also tiny.Finally, Rey opened her eyes as she was being lifted out of the water.It wasn’t Rose who had rescued her.

 

It was Ben.

 

 _Ben_ had jumped in the water after her.He’d saved her life.

 

He was now cradling her against his chest as he stood up and walked onto the shore.

 

He gently laid her down on the rocky shore and crouched over her as she coughed up the water in her lungs.He looked genuinely worried.Rose was by his side in a second, and she was crying.

 

“Are you okay?!” Rose asked through her tears.Rey nodded as she continued to cough.

 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, his gentle voice instantly soothing her.He kept his hand reassuringly on her arm.“It looks like you took in some water out there”.

 

“Yeah”, Rey said in between coughs and heavy breaths.“I’m fine, I think”. 

 

She looked up and saw Hux still standing on the dock, his arms crossed, looking like he had no remorse whatsoever for what he did.Ben and Rose both saw the direction she was looking, and simultaneously turned their heads to look at Hux, as though they’d forgotten he was there.Ben stood up to his full height and charged aggressively towards Hux. 

 

“What the _fuck_ , man?!” Ben shouted loudly.He sounded absolutely murderous.Hux stepped back, cowering almost like a frightened animal.He was only a few inches shorter than Ben, but was far less bulky.She realized that Ben could probably rip him to shreds in a heartbeat.“You could have fucking killed her!” Ben yelled ferociously, shoving Hux in a threatening manner.Ben looked like a wild animal, stalking his prey.

 

Hux put his arms up lamely, somehow looking both frightened and annoyed by Ben’s rage.

 

“Okay, okay, I didn’t know she couldn’t swim”, he yelped defensively. 

 

“Well you stay the fuck away from her, do you understand?!” Ben screamed, getting in his face.

 

“Fine, you can have her”, Hux said with a snicker, rolling his eyes and turning on his heel as he stormed off.Ben turned back to Rey, who realized that tears were falling from the sheer stress of everything that had just happened.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked her again, his voice regaining the same calmness as before.

 

“Yeah”, she said though her tears.“I’m fine”.She felt incredibly overwhelmed by what had happened, and embarrassed that both Ben and Hux had exposed and witnessed a vulnerability in her that she’d tried so hard to keep under wraps.She’d also felt objectified by Hux’s words, and realized that it somehow felt worse than her usual feeling of being alone and unloved.Now, she just wanted to be left alone. 

 

“Can you please just go?” Rey said to Ben.

 

Ben looked both worried and disappointed, but finally sighed and walked away.Rose helped Rey back to their cabin just as the weather was beginning to change, and Rey spent the rest of the day in bed, listening to the thunder and the downpours and thinking about what had happened.

 

She realized she had never even thanked Ben for saving her life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready! Our two leads will start to grow closer in the next chapter!
> 
> FYI - I posted the next chapter, decided I was not satisfied with it, and am going to take a little time to re-work it. It should be up later tonight.


	3. See Me, Feel Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben helps Rey try to conquer her fear. They grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this chapter and decided I didn't like it, so I took it down and re-worked it. Sorry for any confusion this may have caused!

_See me, feel me_

_Touch me, heal me_

_-The Who_

 

The next morning, Rey marched up to the employee office.Kaydel was sitting at her desk, filing some paperwork while Rey walked in unannounced and sat down in front of her.Kay looked up and smiled politely.

 

“Hi Rey, what can I do for you?”

 

“Is there a way I can file a complaint against a guest?” Rey asked, her voice unsure. Kay looked surprised.

 

“A guest?Well yeah, but can you tell me what happened?”

 

Rey proceeded to tell Kay a somewhat watered-down version of her encounters with Hux.Kay took out a piece of paper and began to scribble down some notes. 

 

“I’m going to need the name of the guest.Do you know it?”

 

“Umm”, Rey replied.“His name is Hux?I’m honestly not sure if that’s his first or last name”. 

 

Kay’s eyes widened and she put her pen down, looking nervously around and sighing.

 

“Brendol Hux?” She asked.

 

“I—I’m really not sure”, Rey replied.“Young guy with red hair.He’s skinny, and looks sour all the time”.

 

“Oh, that sounds like Armitage, his son”. 

 

“Armitage?” Rey replied, her mouth inadvertently curling into a smirk.“That’s a cruel name to give a child”. 

 

“Between you and me”, Kay said, lowering her voice, “that family’s got a lot of issues.He was an illegitimate child, and I think his father holds that fact against him.I guess he’s always been pretty brutal to his son”. 

 

“Do you know them personally?” Rey asked.

 

“No, but they’re well known here at the resort.Brendol is some kind of heir, and they’re ridiculously wealthy”.Kay hesitated before continuing slowly.She seemed like she was struggling to find words.“Which leads me to… the fact that you probably shouldn’t file a complaint against them”. 

 

“What?Why?” Rey asked incredulously.

 

“The Huxes… they donate a huge amount of money to this resort every year.They’re one of our biggest benefactors.If we do anything to jeopardize that, we could both lose our jobs.The owner considers them to be VIP’s”. 

 

“But, he assaulted me.Multiple times”.

 

“Look”, Kay said sympathetically.“I get it.Trust me, I do.All I can tell you is that you should try your best to stay away from him.I guess the resort hasn’t been doing as well as it used to, financially speaking, so we really rely on these donations to get us through the summer”. 

 

Rey huffed, exasperated.

 

“I will tell you, though”, Kay continued, “that the Huxes just had a death in the family, so they went back to the city for the week.So you won’t have to worry about him for a bit”. 

 

Rey sighed.

 

“Thanks, Kay”, she replied, dejected.She got up and walked out of Kay’s office feeling exhausted.It wasn’t fair, but at least she knew she’d have some time away from Hux.

 

 

——

 

 

“How’d it go, Rey?”Rose asked as Rey brought her dinner over to the table where she and Finn were sitting. 

 

“Ugh”, Rey sighed.“Not so good.Apparently his father is a huge donor to this place, so they can’t really do anything.

 

“What?!That’s ridiculous”, Rose replied as Finn made a face.

 

“Peanut, if that asshole lays a hand on you, he’ll have to answer to me”, Finn said. 

 

“Thanks”, Rey replied, looking down.“He’s gone for the week, so at least I don’t have to worry about him for now”, she said.

 

“Well, the second he returns, Rey, we’ve got your back”, Rose said earnestly, placing her hand reassuringly on Rey’s arm.

 

“Thanks, guys”, Rey replied with a smile.

 

The trio was silent for a few moments while they ate. 

 

“Oh, Rey”, Finn started, chewing a mouthful of bread.“Have you heard about the music fest they’re having over in White Lake in a couple of weeks?”

 

“Yeah, a little bit”, Rey said with her mouth full.“I heard it’s going to be pretty big”. 

 

Finn looked over at Rose and they grinned at each other.

 

“How would you like to go?”Finn asked her excitedly.

 

“What?” Rey asked, looking between Finn and Rose.“Wouldn’t we need to buy tickets?”

 

“Rey”, Finn continued, barely able to contain his excitement, “we met a guy at the diner who works for the festival, and he said he can get us in for free!”

 

“Oh”, Rey replied thoughtfully.“That could be fun”. 

 

If Rey was being honest with herself, she couldn’t care less about the festival.She wasn’t really into music, and crowds weren’t really her thing.But, on the other hand, it could be fun to get off the property and go do something different.

 

“Think about it”, Finn said. 

 

 

——

 

 

Rey felt weird going to the dock without Rose or Finn, but she had the afternoon off and they were both at work.She didn’t want to spend the day in her cabin.Plus, once Hux got back, she knew she wouldn’t feel entirely safe venturing out there, now that he knew where she liked to hang out.So she went while she was still able.

 

The sun wasn’t stifling hot for once, so she was wearing a very short, flowy shift dress with a paisley pattern and long sleeves.Once she got to the dock, she unceremoniously flopped down onto her towel, kicking off her flip flops and pulling out the book that Rose had lent her, The Catcher in the Rye.

 

Rey sat in the sun reading for part of the afternoon, enjoying the fact that the weather was not quite as hot and humid that it had been in recent days.After about an hour, her eyes began to close involuntarily, so she twisted around to lay on her back, placing her arm over her eyes to block out the sun as she began to drift off.

 

She was awoken by the sound of a stick cracking.She whipped her head up, listening intently.Another crackle.She was on her feet in a second, grabbing her towel, book and flip flops.She heard the unmistakable sound of someone coming through the woods towards the dock.

 

Rey bolted into the old boathouse, running through her mind how Finn and Rose had both told her they’d be at work until later tonight.Who else could it be?She peered out the dusty window as a figure came into view.Her heart nearly stopped when she saw that it was Ben.

 

She watched curiously as he skipped up onto the dock, looking around.He peered behind the boathouse, looked onto the rocky shore, and back around to the woods.He seemed to be searching for something.

 

Or someone.

 

Rey wished he would go away.

 

Unfortunately for her, Ben gave up on looking for whatever it was he was searching for, and sat down on the dock.He gazed out onto the water pensively.After a few moments, he took his shoes off and placed them beside him, dipping his feet into the water.He stayed there for a few minutes.

 

Rey was growing anxious in the boathouse, and Ben was showing no signs of leaving.Finally, against her better judgment, she emerged.

 

“What are you doing here?”Rey asked.Ben jumped out of his skin and turned around.Rey planted her feet squarely on the dock and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes.

 

“You scared me”, Ben replied with his hand over his chest.Rey remained stoic.

 

“You’re not supposed to be here”, she reiterated. 

 

“I—I was actually hoping to find you here”, Ben said gently, as though he knew she was feeling defensive. 

 

“What?Why?” Rey replied.That’s when she remembered what Hux had said, right before he’d left.

 

_You can have her_.

 

Rey began to slowly back up, her mind swiftly planning her escape.

 

“Wait, wait, no”, Ben continued, sensing her fear and putting his hand up indicating that he meant no harm.“I just wanted to talk to you”. 

 

“Oh”, Rey replied, her nose crinkling in confusion.“What about?”

 

“I, uh, just wanted to apologize for how Hux acted.He was a giant asshole, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.You seemed really shaken up and I don’t blame you”.

 

Rey gaped at him, confused. 

 

“Y—yeah, I’m fine.I told you I was fine”.

 

“I also wanted you to know”, he continued, “that I’m not like that.He treated you so disrespectfully and I thought that was such a shitty thing to do.”

 

Rey hadn’t been expecting that.Her face softened.

 

“Thanks”, she said, with a gentle half-smile.Ben smiled back at her, and her heart surged.His eyes crinkled adorably at the corners, and she noticed that his teeth were slightly crooked.It was endearing and oddly attractive.

 

“I’m Ben”, he offered, and it was then that Rey realized they hadn’t been properly introduced until now.

 

“Rey”, she said cordially. 

 

“Rey”, he repeated thoughtfully, trying out her name for himself.

 

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, until Ben spoke again.

 

“I stopped talking to him, you know”, he said.“Because of what he did.I mean, he’s always been a fucking asshole, but this was the last straw”. 

 

“Why were you even friends with him in the first place?” Rey asked, crossing her arms.

 

“Our parents are friends.We’ve known each other since we were kids”, he replied.“And I guess, coming here, it was easier for me to hang around someone who was familiar, instead of making new friends”. 

 

“I can understand that”, Rey said quietly. 

 

“He and I are going to the same school in the fall, and my parents actually wanted me to room with him.I gave them a solid _no_ on that”.

 

“Ugh”, Rey replied.“Good decision on your part”.She paused awkwardly again.“Where are you going to school?” 

 

“NYU”, he replied.“It’ll be my first year”.

 

“Columbia, here.First year, too”, Rey said with a smile.“What’s your major?”

 

“My parents wanted me to go into law, but I’m not really sure that’s what I want to do.So I’m going in undeclared.They’re not too happy about that”, he shrugged.“What’s yours?”

 

“Mechanical engineering”. 

 

Ben looked surprised, and Rey’s eyes narrowed.She was used to this reaction. 

 

“What, are you thinking that I should have more of a ‘girly’ major?”Rey asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

 

“No, no”, Ben said, sensing her offense.“I was thinking that you must be really smart to have been accepted to that program”.

 

Rey felt her face flush. 

 

Another silence followed.They certainly were quite skilled at creating these awkward silences together. 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Ben asked suddenly.Rey felt a nervous fluttering deep in her stomach at the prospect of what his question could be.

 

“Uh, sure”, she replied hesitantly.

 

“Why would someone who doesn’t know how to swim take a job at a summer resort?”

 

Rey snorted. 

 

“I work in the _restaurant_ ”, she said.“It’s not like I signed up to be a swim instructor”.

 

Ben shrugged.

 

“Still seems weird to me”, he said.“And, for someone who’s so afraid of the water, you do seem to hang around it a lot”.

 

“I’m not afraid”, Rey said defiantly.

 

“Oh yeah?” Ben countered.“Why don’t you come sit over here and put your feet in?”

 

She shook her head.

 

“No, thanks”.

 

“See? You’re scared”.Ben paused for a while, looking like he was formulating something in his head.Finally, he spoke.

 

“I could… teach you.If you wanted, I mean”.

 

“Huh?”

 

“To swim.I could teach you to swim.I used to be a lifeguard”, he said nervously, stumbling over his words a little bit.

 

Rey’s eyes narrowed for a moment, then her face wound into an incredulous smirk.

 

“No, thanks”, she snickered. 

 

“Oh”, he replied, trying not to look dejected as he shrugged.“Okay”.

 

Another awkward silence ensued, and Rey felt like she needed to make excuses.

 

“I’m not dressed for swimming.I don’t even own a bathing suit”. 

 

“You can swim in your clothes”, he replied.

 

“I’m all set.Thank you, though”.

 

They were quiet again, before Ben looked up at her with a playful grin.

 

“Well, I’m going to go for a dip.You don’t have to join me, but it would be really cool if you did”.

 

“I’ll stay right here, thanks”, Rey replied.Outwardly, she kept a well-schooled half smile on her face.She didn’t want to act too excited or interested and give him the wrong idea.Her insides, though, were churning and screaming.She was extremely intrigued by this guy, and she acknowledged that he made her feel funny in a good way.A heavy air of confusion also hung over her, for she had never experienced anything like this before. 

 

“Suit yourself”, Ben said, standing up as he began tugging at his t-shirt. 

 

Rey tried with all the might in her body to not allow her eyes to widen at the sight of him as he removed his shirt.The first thing she noticed was that his pale skin looked so, so smooth.She felt an urge to run her hands all along it.His chest and arms were dotted with the same sporadic freckles as his face, and a fleeting thought crossed her mind that she’d love to put her mouth on all of them.She was also provided with the revelation that he had a substantial amount of muscle that had previously been hidden by his t-shirt.Her eyes peered lower and saw that his muscles created a “V” shape just below his hips, and there was a trail of dark hair leading from his belly button down into his shorts.It was as if all signs were pointing… _there_.  She absently wondered what he looked like down there, though as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she tucked it away shamefully.

 

Rey’s face flushed what she imagined was probably a spectacular shade of crimson, judging from the sheepish smirk he gave her just before jumping into the water.

 

She was glad that she was alone for a split second, so she could sort out her thoughts a little bit.Her insides felt like they were on fire.Who was this boy and why was he affecting her _so much_?She’d never been so flustered over a guy before, and it was frightening.Despite her fear, though, something inside of her _needed_ to be closer to him.

 

It was these feelings that caused Rey to do something crazy.Something she thought she’d never do.Her heart pounding, she marched over to the edge of the dock and hopped off it onto the rocky little beach below.The tiny stones felt like they were nipping at the bottom of her feet as she slowly crept over to the water.She hesitated about five times before gently sticking the tips of her toes in.The water felt cool, but also wild and uncontrollable.She began second guessing herself; maybe she couldn’t do this after all. 

 

She looked out and saw Ben emerge from under the water, his long hair cascading in a sheet behind his head.He pushed it back out of his face before diving underwater again.Rey took a deep breath and braced herself for what she was about to do.

 

She took a step.

 

Then another. And another.She almost panicked and took a step back, but she centered herself and tried again.Ben reached the surface again and his eyes widened when he saw her, ankle deep in the water.She was terrified, but seeing his awestruck face made her force herself to keep going.He knew how difficult this was for her, and impressing him now seemed to be her goal.She also found herself feeling strangely okay revealing such a heavy insecurity to him.

 

Rey finally met his eyes and froze.She kept contemplating running out of the water and back onto the dock.It would be so easy. 

 

Ben must have sensed her panic, because he spoke gently and slowly.He acted like any sudden movements would frighten her away.

 

“It’s okay, Rey.You can do it”.

 

She bit her lip and took a deep breath, trying again. 

 

One step.Another.A moment of hesitation.Another two steps.Ben moved slowly toward her and held out his hand.

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you”, he said quietly.She felt a jolt of electricity course through her body upon hearing those words.It emboldened her to take another few steps.

 

Rey was now submerged up to her knees.The water felt like it was anchoring her legs down, trapping her, and it scared her.She let out a shaky breath as she reached out to gently grab Ben’s hand. 

 

The moment she touched his skin, she was done for.It was an intense moment for many reasons, but the only thing she could focus on right now was the cool touch of his hand against hers.She nearly forgot that she was in the midst of facing her biggest fear. 

 

Ben led her out until she was up to her waist.The water felt like icy cold hands gripping her ticklish sides, and it made her teeth clench.Her dress was partially underwater; there was no going back now.Rey was shaking a little bit, but tried not to let her nerves show.He noticed anyway.

 

“Are you doing okay?” Ben asked gently.“You’re shaking”.

 

Rey nodded, trying to concentrate on where his hand was joined with hers, so she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she was waist deep in dark water.She took a deep breath and felt a little better.

 

“Try crouching down, so you’re in up to your shoulders”, Ben said.“You’re not in deep, so if you get overwhelmed you can just stand up”.

 

Without letting go of her hand, Ben demonstrated for her.She slowly followed.

 

When the cool water enveloped her, she gasped audibly, because it was so cold.She swore Ben’s eyes darkened a little bit when he heard the sound come out of her.He quickly regained his composure and continued to grasp her hand tightly.Before she knew it, she was almost fully submerged in the water.

 

“See?” Ben asked.“It’s not so bad”.

 

“Wow”, Rey replied, still feeling a little shaky.“I’m really doing this”.

 

“You’re really doing this”, Ben repeated.He stood up.“Let’s try something else now”.

 

Ben led her to more shallow water, until it reached her lower thighs.He sat down.

 

“Try lying on your stomach in the water”, he said.Rey made a terrified face, and he smiled gently.“Extend your arms out beneath you, so you’re touching the bottom. You’ll find it easy to hold yourself up”. 

 

Rey still looked skeptical.

 

“I’m going to hold onto you as well, so don’t worry”.

 

Hesitantly, Rey got down on her hands and knees.Ben stood himself up on his knees and lightly put his hands around her waist. Again, Rey felt like she was on fire from his touch.Why was he affecting her like this?

 

“Okay”, he said softly.“Now put your legs out behind you, and they’ll float”.

 

She stuck one leg out, then another.She pushed up on her arms and tilted her head up so her face was as far from the water as possible.She was almost surprised that her legs floated easily on the surface of the water behind her. 

 

She smiled triumphantly.

 

“Now comes the part where you’ll really have to trust me”, Ben said, his eyes searching hers.Rey felt fear grow in her face.“But don’t worry”, he continued, “I promise that I won’t let go of you”.

 

“Okay”, she said quietly.

 

“Let go of the bottom and start paddling with your arms. And kick up and down with your feet”.

 

Hesitantly, Rey did just that.She craned her neck so she wouldn’t get water anywhere near her face, and started thrashing a bit with her arms and legs.The puffy sleeves of her dress got in the way, and the fact that the dress was loose and flowy hindered her greatly.Ben held tightly to her waist as she struggled.She managed to turn herself upright, and planted her feet on the ground. 

 

“Okay, so maybe I misspoke”, he said.“That dress is definitely not suitable for swimming.  I guess we'll have to continue this another time when you’re more properly dressed.Maybe you can borrow a bathing suit from your friend”. 

 

Rey sighed; she wasn’t ready for this to be over.A force was drawing her to Ben that she couldn’t explain, and she thought about nothing but getting closer to him.As he turned and dove back into the water, a startling idea crept into her head.Before she could contemplate the obscenity of it too much, she decided to just go for it.

 

_Fuck it, I’m doing this_.

 

While Ben was still under the water, Rey quickly whipped her dress off, leaving her clad only in her white bra and underwear.She tossed the soaking wet dress onto the dock, and submerged herself almost to her shoulders, so nothing would be visible.

 

Ben came up for air and did a double take when he saw her bare shoulders.

 

“Is this better?” Rey asked nervously.“Now we can keep going”.

 

“Uh… um, yeah.Yeah, that’s fine”, Ben ground out, his eyes gaping wide, his gaze darting from her, to her discarded dress on the dock, and back to her again.Rey felt a fluttering in her stomach upon realizing that she’d made him so visibly flustered.

 

They practiced paddling again.This time, instead of gripping Rey’s fabric covered waist, Ben had his hands firmly on her bare skin.She now had butterflies constantly swirling around her stomach, and began to feel an embarrassing heat between her legs.Even though she knew it was an irrational worry, she hoped that he couldn’t tell.

 

She finally admitted to herself after being practically nude in front of him that this whole situation was making her feel undeniably aroused.Though it was reasonably tame and technically platonic, it was the most erotic moment in Rey’s life to this point.She’d had crushes before, of course, but they were never this intense, and she’d never been so turned on thinking about a specific person.

 

Ben changed all of that.

 

Ever since she’d stripped her dress off, Ben also seemed to act differently.He was more careful not to look at or touch her the wrong way, and he also seemed far more jumpy and nervous.His voice wavered a little bit when he spoke, and there was a faint blush consistently painted on his cheeks.Rey found it exciting that she seemed to be affecting him like he was to her.She was certain that he was far more experienced with the opposite sex than she was, because not only was she woefully behind her peers when it came to experience, but also she couldn’t imagine him looking like _that_ and having any shortage of girls throwing themselves at him.However, she also noted that the way he was blushing made him look like he was as innocent as she.

 

“Would you like to try going underwater?”, he asked gently, snapping her out of her thoughts.

 

“Um”, she started, knowing this would be the most terrifying thing she’d done yet.She still was wary of being in the water, but she did find herself feeling increasingly comfortable with it.She allowed Ben to gently grasp her hand, which instilled more confidence in her.“Okay”, she replied softly, exhaling a shaky breath. 

 

The thought of submerging her face in the water was scary.But, Ben gave her an encouraging smile, so she slowly lowered herself until she felt the water on her chin.Then it reached her mouth, and her nose. 

 

She panicked.

 

Without letting go of Ben’s hand, Rey bolted upright, causing the water to cascade down her body with a splash.After her heart stopped pounding so much, she noticed that the blush on Ben’s face seemed to deepen.She narrowed her eyes a little bit, trying to figure out what he was looking at. 

 

She caught his eyes flicking down to her chest, which she realized was no longer hidden by the dark water. 

 

Rey felt the urge to cover herself when she realized exactly what he was looking at.The cool water had caused her nipples to harden almost painfully.Not only that, but her white bra was soaked, and therefore probably completely transparent.She realized she had put everything on display for him.  The urge to cover herself dissipated, however, as she noticed how worshipful his gaze was.  

 

“Hey”, she said almost breathlessly, her eyes narrowed playfully.“My eyes are up here”. 

 

Ben’s gaze darkened again, but he didn’t say anything in response.She searched his eyes, while she could see him breathing rapidly in her peripheral vision.She bit her lip as she felt butterflies fluttering furiously in her lower belly.A fleeting thought crossed her mind that she wanted nothing more than for him to carry her up onto the dock and take her right there.Whatever that meant in her inexperienced mind.

 

“Rey”, he whispered, finally breaking the silence and squeezing her hand a little.Her breath hitched slightly when he said her name.Her heart raced and she felt her chest rising and falling rapidly.Ben moved gently towards her, searching her eyes for permission.She granted it by slowly tilting her head up towards him, as he lifted the hand that wasn’t holding hers and brushed a wet lock of hair off of her face.She nearly panted in anticipation when he moved closer, closer, closer.  Their chests were practically touching as they stood together in the waist-deep water.  He placed his warm hand on the sensitive skin of her side as he tilted his head down towards her.

 

Her body decided to wait until that very moment to panic.

 

It was probably a combination of trying to conquer her fear too quickly, and the intensity of Ben getting so close to her, but suddenly she found herself on sensory overload.Though she was only standing in water that reached to about her hips, she felt herself begin to gasp for air as though she’d been underwater for several minutes.Her mind snapped back to reality.She was in _water_.She felt herself racing to the shore and leaping up onto the dock, grabbing her dress as she shook. 

 

“Rey!”, she heard Ben call.She looked back at him. 

 

She was suddenly so mortified that she had to look away.Ben was a _guest_.He was a guest and she was an employee.Rey could lose her job if she let anything happen between them.She’d been given such a generous opportunity; a well-paying job with a much needed place to live; she couldn’t do anything to jeopardize it.She couldn’t allow herself to fall for him.Rey threw her dress on and grabbed her flip flops, taking one last look at him.

 

“I’m sorry, Ben”, she said sadly before running off.

 

She couldn’t get Ben’s devastated look out of her mind.

 

Rey ran back to her cabin, her thoughts reeling.She considered all the reasons why she should stay away from Ben. 

 

Then her mind wandered back to the almost-kiss. It had been such an intense, intimate moment.She’d felt like her insides were made of molten lava, and sheremembered how she’d wanted to melt into this beautiful, charming man. 

 

Thinking about it had inadvertently wound her up again, and as she jogged down the row of employee cabins, she secretly hoped that Rose wasn’t home so she could take care of it in the only way she knew how.


	4. Piece of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a lot of internal conflict regarding Ben. Rose intervenes.
> 
> We begin to earn our E rating here thanks to Rey and her very active imagination.

_Take another little piece of my heart now, baby_  
_Break another little bit of my heart now, baby_  
_Have another little piece of my heart now, baby_  
_You know you got it if it makes you feel good_

_-Janis Joplin_

 

Rey spent the next few days thinking about Ben nonstop.She didn’t talk to Rose or Finn about it, preferring as usual to silently wallow in her problems.

 

One night when Rose was at work late, she found herself tossing and turning in bed, spending hours going over in her head all the reasons why she should stay away from him. 

 

For one, he likely came from an incredibly wealthy family, especially if they were friends with the Huxes.As soon as Ben found out that she came from nothing, he would probably run in the other direction.The wealthy tended to stay away from people like her.She knew she wasn’t good enough for him.

 

Rey also considered the fact that she was now very prominent on Hux’s radar.The second he noticed that his former friend was spending time with her, she was certain he would take notice and of course, take his frustration out on her.Spending time with Ben would put a target on her back.

 

And most glaringly, as she’d been told by Kay immediately upon arriving to the Alderaan, it was against the rules to have any kind of relationship with a guest that wasn’t professional.Not only could she lose her job and her summer home to which she had no backup plan, her scholarship that she worked so hard for could also be in jeopardy since the benefactor had connections to the resort and had made this arrangement for her in the first place.Everything she had worked for in her life could be gone in the blink of an eye. 

 

Lastly, a nagging thought that remained consistently in the back of her head, but she didn’t outright admit to herself, was that she was _afraid_.Afraid of getting hurt.Afraid of taking a chance, giving her heart away and having him snatch a piece off and never return it.She had spent her life building a thick skin and protecting herself; she couldn’t let her defenses down now.

 

Then, her mind involuntarily drifted back to that day in the lake.She imagined Ben’s angular face, the solid muscles of his arms.His intense gaze.The way his hands felt on her skin as they firmly held her in the water, protecting her from harm.She felt that familiar heat begin to course through her veins as she replayed the moments from that day in her head.

 

She idly contemplated what could have happened if she hadn’t run off on him.She imagined what his lips would have felt like if their kiss had actually happened.They would probably be warm and soft as they moved against hers; slow and careful at first, but with building intensity as passion increased between them.She imagined one of his large hands cupping her cheek as the other wound around the back of her head, pulling her impossibly closer to him.She imagined what he tasted like as his tongue slipped out of his mouth and into hers.Rey would wind her arms around his massive shoulders, and she would feel solid, firm muscle under his wonderfully smooth skin.His hands would then curl around her back, pulling her chest flush against his.She imagined that all of her nerve endings would feel like they were on fire, especially in all the places their bodies were touching.The kiss would break and they’d look into each others’ eyes with wonder, both breathing heavily. 

 

Rey dragged the palm of her hand down her chest as she imagined Ben’s hands exploring her body.Her breath hitched as her fingers brushed against her nipples, and she left goosebumps in her wake as her hand slowly drifted down to her stomach, finally reaching that place between her legs that was now pulsating with need. 

 

She slowly slid her panties off under the blanket, spreading her legs a little so she’d have better access.Fortunately Rose wasn’t due home for a while, but she kept herself covered just in case.She’d done this many times before, of course, but it had always been more to ease pent up tension and energy, rather than the direct result of thinking about someone in particular. 

 

Unlike those other times, she decided to take her time and draw things out.She let her fingers ghost up and down her ticklish inner thighs for a few moments, before she finally reached her center.The first gentle swipe of her finger surprised her; she was far more wet than she could ever remember being before.Rey closed her eyes and allowed the feeling overtake her as her moist fingers drew lazy patterns; up and down, back and forth.She imagined Ben looking into her eyes as his large fingers worked at her most intimate spot.

 

She increased her pace a little bit as she thought about Ben kissing her while he touched her.Her other hand reached underneath her shirt and touched her nipple, and she hoped he would do that too.Maybe he would even put his mouth to her bare chest, licking and sucking at her vigorously.Her hips bucked involuntarily as she imagined it, and she knew she was close.

 

She pictured Ben’s plush mouth kissing down her stomach, taking time to suck at her skin a little bit while his hair gently tickled her, as he worked himself down lower and lower, until his face was between her legs.

 

The second she imagined his tongue on her, she was thrown over the edge.At first she gasped, but it turned into a loud cry as she rode out what was probably the most powerful orgasm she’d ever experienced in her life.She was left breathless and panting as she came down from her high.

 

After a few minutes, she cleaned herself up and dressed.As her lust-hazed brain began to clear, the weight of what she’d just done finally came down on her. 

 

She’d just gotten off to the thought of Ben.The same Ben that she’d just spent the past few hours convincing herself that she needed to stay away from. Shame and confusion overtook her, and she finally fell asleep with a stronger resolve.

 

She couldn’t let herself fall for him.

 

——

 

 

“You’ve been really quiet the past few days, Rey.Are you okay?”

 

“Huh?Yeah, I’m fine”, Rey replied.She and Rose were sitting on their beds reading magazines and talking off and on, as the quiet hum of the crickets echoed through the open windows of their cabin.Cool night air filtered into the stuffy little building.

 

Rey thought about telling Rose about Ben, but ultimately decided against it.She wasn’t used to letting others in on her problems, and entertaining the thought of telling a close female friend about something like this was a foreign concept to her. 

 

“I’m just kind of concerned about you”, Rose said.“Hux comes back in a few days, are you worried about him?”

 

“I mean, I’m not happy about it, but it is what it is.I just need to keep out of his way”. 

 

Rose gave her a sympathetic look and went back to her magazine.She broke the silence again a few minutes later.

 

“I still can’t get over how his friend saved your life, and then stood up for you”, she said quietly, looking over and searching Rey’s face. 

 

Rey looked away as she felt a blush bloom on her cheeks. 

 

“Yeah, that was… something”, she replied, her voice growing high pitched and awkward.She pressed her palm to her hot cheek as if to hide it from Rose.It had the opposite effect than what she’d intended.

 

“Rey, your face is like a tomato”, Rose laughed incredulously.“You like him, don’t you?”

 

“What?!” Rey cried, looking up at Rose.“No, I don’t!”

 

“Come on, Rey”, Rose said, rolling her eyes.A tall, dark and handsome guy rescues you, almost beats the shit out of someone who mistreated you, and stares at you the entire time like you’re the most precious thing in the world?I don’t blame you for having the hots for him”.

 

“He—he didn’t look at me like that”, Rey said half-heartedly. 

 

“Are you kidding?”Rose replied.“Trust me, Rey, people don’t look like that if they’re not interested.You should talk to him.At least find out his name”.

 

“Ben”, Rey said softly.

 

“Huh?”

 

“His name is Ben”. 

 

“I must have missed that”, Rose said.Then, realization dawned on her.“Wait—have you seen him since it happened?” 

 

Rey met Rose’s eyes guiltily.Her lack of response was enough to give Rose her answer.

 

“Oh, my god!” Rose squealed.“Tell me everything that happened!Did you guys just talk?Or did anything else happen?!”Rose turned on her bed to face Rey, a salacious grin on her face.

 

Rey burst out laughing at her friend’s enthusiasm.

 

“Nothing like that happened”, she replied.Rose would probably have been very interested to know that Ben had already seen her half naked, but the private person in her didn’t feel comfortable sharing such details.“It was just talking.Nothing exciting”.That was, of course, a lie.

 

“Rey your face is so red right now.You have the hots for him, it’s so obvious!”

 

Rey looked down and giggled softly, affirming Rose’s accusation.She looked back up and allowed herself to share in her friend’s excitement for a short moment.Her smile faded after a minute.

 

“Nothing can happen between us, though”, she said stoically. 

 

It was also a reminder to herself.

 

“What?! Why?” Rose cried. 

 

“Rose, he’s a guest”, Rey replied.

 

“So?!Who cares?!”

 

“I could get in trouble.I could lose my job”.

 

“Do you think anyone actually enforces that rule?Do you think Ackbar himself is going to come interrupt a makeout session and order you to get off his property?Come on, Rey.No one will do anything.There’s no harm in pursuing it”.

 

“I’m not going to risk it”, she said quietly.“I can’t”.

 

“Ugh, Rey, you’re just so damn closed off all the time”, Rose said, frustration hinting in her voice.“Let yourself have a little fun for once!”

 

“I can’t, okay?” Rey replied firmly.She shut off her bedside light and laid down, turning away from a very disappointed Rose. 

 

A few minutes later, she heard Rose speak softly.

 

“I’m sorry, Rey.I didn’t mean to push you into anything”.

 

“It’s okay”, Rey replied gently.She fell asleep shortly thereafter.

 

 

——

 

 

The next morning, Rey was woken up by an excited Rose.

 

“Rey, you’ve got to come see this!”

 

She lazily opened her eyes to see an already dressed Rose, gently nudging her arm.

 

“What is it?” Rey asked, swatting Rose’s hand away. 

 

“Get dressed and come outside.It’s crazy!”

 

Rey looked at the clock and saw that it was only seven in the morning.She didn’t have to be at work until 10:30, and grumbled at the fact that Rose had stolen her precious sleep time away.She begrudgingly sat up and rubbed her eyes.

 

When she finally made it outside, Rose was waiting for her.

 

“Come on”, she cried as she took off running.Rey rolled her eyes and followed.

 

Rose led her down past the administration building, all the way out to the driveway.There seemed to be a traffic jam out on the street.Maybe there was an accident that was stopping traffic?A row of trees obstructed their view of the street, so they made their way farther out.

 

Once they reached the end of the driveway, Rey’s eyes widened as she looked up and down the road in shock.What looked like hundreds of cars were stopped dead, all heading west on 17B.Some of the people had gotten out of their cars and were sitting on the grass, or on top of the cars.Some were having picnics, and Rey even saw someone playing a guitar.All of the people were young, and most of them had long hair and were wearing loose, flowy clothes.Rey realized that the Woodstock festival was two days away, and these people were probably attendees.She was surprised to see that it had clogged up the road like this. 

 

“Finn and I have plans to go have lunch at the diner later”, Rose laughed.“Good thing it’s close by; I guess we’re going to be walking there”. 

 

“Hopefully you can find a seat once you get there”, Rey said, her eyes still running up and down the street as if she didn’t believe what she saw. 

 

Rey was struck by how friendly the people were, as several of them smiled and greeted the pair. 

 

Rose ended up chatting with a young couple, both of whom had long, wavy hair and were sitting on the hood of a Volkswagen Beetle.The girl was wearing a sleeveless dress that went down to her ankles, and introduced herself as Willow in a soft, soothing voice.Rey almost laughed when the guy told them his name was Ocean, but listened as they told the girls about how they lived in a commune in southern Vermont, and had travelled all the way here to go to the festival.Rey’s head swam at the prospect of people her age living such starkly different lives as her own.She couldn’t imagine it, but was also oddly intrigued.Rey and Rose decided to leave when the girl offered them some marijuana.Rey was shocked they’d even do such a thing, let alone hand it out to strangers. 

 

 

——

 

 

The restaurant was busy that afternoon, and Rey suspected that it had something to do with the fact that the roads were impassable, essentially stranding the guests on the resort.She wandered over to one of the tables she’d recently been assigned and stopped short as her eyes widened.Ben looked up from the table just as she saw him, and had the exact same reaction.He gave her an intense stare as she slowly, nervously made her way over to the table.Ben was sitting with two older people who must have been his parents.His father was turned away from her, but Rey studied his mother’s face for a second.She was much smaller than him, but had his same dark eyes.Her graying hair was done up in an elaborate braid, and she had an elegant air about her.Rey looked back at Ben as she got to the table, and she was sure her cheeks were probably an unnatural color by this point.

 

“Hello”, she greeted them shakily.“I’m Rey, and I’ll be serving you today”. 

 

Ben’s mother looked up and smiled at her.

 

“Hello Rey”, she said coyly, as if she knew who Rey was.

 

Rey panicked internally. Had he told his _mother_  about her?!

 

Rey turned to look at Ben’s father, and almost did a double take when she realized that he was the same man she’d spoken with a few weeks ago on the deck of the restaurant.

 

“Hey, kid”, he said casually.Rey gave him a friendly smile.

 

Ben didn’t say anything, but kept his eyes fixated on her.

 

Every time Rey had to go to Ben’s table, she grew nervous.He was mostly silent, except when ordering his food, but she felt his eyes constantly on her.His parents tried to make friendly small talk with her, but all she could focus on was Ben.

 

She felt a great sense of relief when Ben and his family finally got up to leave.Feelings of guilt flooded her, however, when she saw his eyes flick back to hers as he followed his parents out of the hall.He just looked so _sad_.

 

Rey almost felt the urge to cry as she began to clear the dishes from their table. 

 

Her eyes narrowed when she picked up Ben’s plate and saw a small scrap of paper lying there.She picked it up and unfolded it, realizing it was a handwritten note.

 

_Rey_

_Meet me at the dock when your shift ends._

_I just want to talk._

_Ben_

 

Rey sighed.It would be so much easier to just cut off contact with him, as much as her heart was telling her not to.But, she figured she at least owed him an explanation, and it would be cruel to deny him that.

 

Rey’s heart began to pound as she left work an hour later.Without even stopping in her cabin to change, she walked swiftly through the woods to the dock.She smoothed out the fabric of her knee length black dress and took a deep breath just before she reached the clearing. 

 

As expected, Ben was sitting on the dock.His shoes were neatly placed beside him, and his pant legs were rolled up, his legs dangling in the water.She let out a shaky breath.He looked so enticing.

 

When she timidly stepped up onto the dock, he turned around.Rey was taken aback by the vulnerability she saw in his eyes. 

 

“Hey”, she said quietly, offering a gentle smile.

 

“Hey”, he replied earnestly.She could tell he was trying to hold back from being overly emotive. 

 

Rey walked over and sat down beside him, crossing her legs so she wouldn’t have to put them near the water.

 

“How are you?” Ben asked, seemingly searching her face for clues on how she was feeling.

 

“Doing okay”, she replied casually.

 

“Look, Rey”, he started after a short pause.“I’m really sorry if I overstepped the other day.I feel like I made you uncomfortable, and that wasn’t my intention at all.Also, I—I think I may have pushed you too far with the swimming thing.I shouldn’t have encouraged you to move that fast”.

 

Rey smiled gently. 

 

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Ben”, she said.She felt herself place a reassuring hand on his arm, which he looked down at with bright, nervous eyes.“It’s just that I—“

 

Rey was about to tell him that she needed to cut ties with him when they were suddenly interrupted.

 

“Rey!” Finn’s voice called out.Rey whipped her head around and saw Finn and Rose walking towards the dock.She saw Rose’s eyes widen excitedly when she saw Ben. 

 

“Shit”, Rey whispered under her breath.She stood up and Ben followed her.

 

“Hey, guys”, Rey said awkwardly.She noticed they were both looking up at Ben, and she realized that neither of them had actually been introduced to him. “Oh, I’m sorry”, she said.“Guys, this is Ben.Ben, this is my roommate Rose and my best friend Finn”. 

 

They awkwardly greeted each other, and Rose looked she was going to burst with excitement.

 

“Hey, _Ben_ ”, she said way too conspicuously. 

 

“You must be the guy who pulled Rey out of the water”, Finn said with an approving smile.

 

“Yup”, that was me”, Ben replied with an endearing laugh. 

 

“What are you guys doing out here?” Rose asked with a mischievous smile.Rey shot her a glare as she replied.

 

“Just _talking_ ”.

 

“So, Rey”, Finn said, breaking the awkwardness.“We met up with that guy for lunch, you know, the one who can get us into Woodstock for free, and he said he can bring us on Saturday”. 

 

“I work breakfast that day.I don’t get out until 11”, Rey said, not entirely disappointed that she’d have to miss it.

 

“That’s okay, Poe said he’s not picking us up until noon”, Finn assured her.Rey plastered a fake smile on her face.

 

“Wait, you guys are going to Woodstock?” Ben asked, suddenly very interested.

 

“Yeah!” Rose replied.“You wanna come with us? I’m sure Poe wouldn’t mind bringing one more”.

 

Rey shot her daggers.She knew exactly what Rose was doing.

 

“Wait, are you serious?!That would be awesome!” Ben said excitedly.“I mean, if it’s okay with you, Rey”, he said more softly.

 

Rey wanted to kill Rose.

 

“Um, sure, that’s fine”, she said with a nervous smile.Ben grinned and she melted a little bit.

 

“Great! Poe’s gonna pick us up at noon at the end of the driveway.He has a motorcycle so we can bypass all the traffic”.

 

This was going to be dangerous.

 

 

——

 

It was Friday night, and Rey was freaking out.

 

“Rose, what am I going to wear?”

 

“Oh so you _are_  trying to impress him, aren’t you?”Rose grinned slyly.

 

Rey had chewed Rose out after she’d invited Ben to the festival, to the point where she’d apologized to Rey, but Rey knew she wasn’t really sorry.Rose was shamelessly trying to set them up, and as much as Rey protested, she knew deep down she was a little bit grateful for it.

 

Now, it was the night before Woodstock, and Rey had nothing to wear.

 

Rose rifled through her own wardrobe, and pulled out a loose, sleeveless blue top.

 

“Try this one on”.

 

Though Rose was a bit smaller than Rey, the top fit her perfectly.It was loose and flowing, but also somewhat low-cut so it showed off her modest cleavage.

 

“That looks amazing on you, but make sure you go without a bra”.

 

“What?!” Rey cried, her modesty taking over.

 

“Trust me, Rey”, Rose said.“At these festivals, anything goes”.I’ll do your makeup and hair tomorrow, you’re gonna look great.

 

Rey looked in the mirror nervously.

 

Sleep did not come easily that night.

 


	5. Back to the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woodstock!
> 
> Rey promises herself that nothing will happen between her and Ben. That goes just about as well as you can imagine.
> 
> FYI, there's a small amount of recreational marijuana use here. Because, Woodstock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good amount of research and experience went into this chapter; this is a place that's very near and dear to my heart. I really hope I got the vibe right. Sorry, this is a LONG one but I promise it's worth it!

_We are stardust, we are golden_

_We are billion year old carbon_

_And we got to get ourselves back to the garden_

 

_-Crosby, Stills, and Nash (Woodstock)_

 

 

Rey’s heart raced throughout her entire shift at work.The second it ended, she sprinted back to her cabin.She had less than an hour to get ready.

 

When she burst through the door, Rose was standing in front of the small mirror.She turned towards Rey, a look of panic spread across her face.

 

“Do I look okay?!I feel like I have my big chance with Finn today; we’re going to be spending the whole day together!”

 

Rey laughed; Rose was just as nervous as she was.

 

Rose was wearing flared jeans with a tight wrap top that ended at her midriff with long, flowy sleeves.Her hair was loose around her shoulders, a change from the messy bun that she usually wore.A subtle bit of makeup adorned her face, completing her look.

 

“You look perfect, Rose”, Rey replied with a genuine smile.“He’s going to love it”.

 

“You really think so?” Rose replied gratefully.Rey nodded, placing a reassuring hand on her arm.“I’m so nervous”, Rose confessed.

 

“Trust me, you’re not the only one”, Rey mumbled under her breath, though it came out louder than she’d anticipated.“Okay, I need to run out and take the world’s fastest shower, and then I need you to help me get ready.I’ve never been to anything like this before, and I don’t want to look out of place.But—”, she added, while grabbing her shower supplies.“I’m _not_  trying to impress him.Remember, _nothing_  can happen between Ben and I.I’m not budging on that.I’m still mad at you for inviting him in the first place”.

 

“Sure, Rey”, Rose replied with a coy smile as Rey ran out the door towards the showers.

 

 

——

 

 

A half hour, one quick shower, and a few wardrobe changes later, Rey sat in a chair as Rose poked and prodded her face with makeup brushes. 

 

She’d only worn makeup a few times in her life, and it felt very foreign to her.Rose insisted she wouldn’t need much, because she was naturally beautiful.Rey’s sense of insecurity didn’t believe a word of that, but she was grateful for the compliment anyway. 

 

Rey had panicked after she’d put her outfit on.She’d felt incredibly insecure when she put Rose’s blue top on with nothing under it.Though she didn’t have much of a chest, she felt like the light blue material was too transparent and put her on display.After trying to convince her otherwise, Rose finally relented and gave Rey her black bikini top to wear underneath it.She reasoned that if Rey got too hot, she could take the blue top off and walk around with just the bathing suit top on.Rey flushed at the thought of Ben seeing her half-naked again. 

 

She completed the outfit with her very short shorts.With only a few minutes to spare, Rose brushed out Rey’s hair and tied it up into a half ponytail with a bun in the back, the loose hair around her shoulders giving her a very soft look.

 

Rey looked in the mirror and saw a slightly unrecognizable, feminine girl looking back at her.She took a deep breath as Rose ran up to her and added a tiny bit of subtle, pink lipstick to her lips. 

 

Rey then packed her canvas messenger bag with her wallet, keys, and water canteen that she would fill up on the way to meet Poe.

 

——

 

Rey grew exponentially more nervous during the walk to the end of the driveway.Finn was already waiting for them, but there was no sign of Ben. 

 

“Are you guys excited?!” Finn asked.The traffic on the road hadn’t diminished at all; there was a constant stream of cars creeping slowly along in front of them.

 

“Yeah, this is going to be so much fun”, Rose replied with the same amount of enthusiasm.Finn turned to Rey.

 

“Wow, Peanut, look at you!Trying to impress someone?” Finn asked teasingly. 

 

“No!” Rey cried, smacking him in the arm with a smirk. 

 

“Well it’s a good look on you”, he continued.“There’s no way he’s not going to be all over you, looking like that”. 

 

“Shut up, Finn.But, thanks”, she added.

 

“If he tries to pull anything, let me know and I’ll take care of him”, Finn said in a big-brother sort of way.

 

“Speaking of Ben, where is he?It’s 12:02, he’s late”, Rose said curiously, looking at her watch.

 

Rey panicked.What if he’d gotten held up somewhere? What if his parents weren’t letting him go?Or worse, what if he’d decided he didn’t want to go?

 

Her fears were quickly diminished a few seconds later.As if on cue, Ben appeared at the other end of the driveway, slowly jogging out to them.

 

He was wearing a tight gray t-shirt and jeans that hugged his body perfectly.His long hair kept flopping adorably in his face as he ran to catch up with them.Rey’s heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

 

“Sorry I’m late”, he said as he reached the trio.“I was worried you guys were going to take off without me”. 

 

“I was worried you’d changed your mind about going”, Rey replied breathlessly.His eyes looked brightly back at her. 

 

“Of course not”, he said gently to Rey, acting as if the others weren’t even there.“You look, uh, really nice”.His face colored a little bit.

 

“Thanks”, she replied quietly, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.She could see Rose and Finn smirk at each other out of the corner of her eye.

 

At that moment, the sound of a motorcycle came into earshot.A minute later, a man pulled into the driveway, giving the group a wide smile.

 

Poe looked to be a few years older than them, and he had a rugged look that made him conventionally handsome.He had a tan complexion with wild curly hair that was slightly tied down with a band of fabric around the circumference of his head.He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but instead a loose leather vest along with jeans.He parked his motorcycle and walked over to the group.

 

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” Poe asked, immediately drawing Rose and Finn into a hug.Rey could tell right off the bat that he was friendly and charismatic.“You must be Rey”, he said, bringing her into a hug.Rey wasn’t used to people being so affectionate with her, especially right upon introduction, but she decided it was quite nice.

 

“Hey man”, he said after the hug ended, focusing his attention to Ben.

 

“Oh Poe, this is Ben”, Rey said.“Is it okay if he comes along too?”

 

“Of course”, Poe replied.“It’s nice to meet you, man”, he said, extending an arm to Ben so he could hug him too.

 

Ben looked like he felt very out of place, but went along with it anyway.

 

“So Poe, you work at the festival?” Rey asked.

 

“Well I was part of the setup crew”, he replied.“I worked construction, helping to build the stage and some of the scaffolding.It’s a good deal for me, because I only had to work through yesterday and now I’m free to enjoy myself”.

 

Rey smiled as he continued.

 

“So I only have one motorcycle”, Poe started, “and it’s really only meant for one passenger, but I can probably fit two of you on at a time.The girls are tiny, so I think we can make it in two trips.I’ll drop two of you off, come back for the other two, and then we’ll all meet up when we get there.Sound good?” 

 

Rose and Finn decided to go first, leaving Rey and Ben by themselves.The concert was a few miles away in White Lake, giving them about fifteen minutes until Poe returned.It looked funny with the three of them squished onto the small motorcycle, and Rey surmised that it likely wasn’t very safe, but she forgot about it once they pulled away.

 

It suddenly became awkwardly silent.Rey ran through conversation topics in her head, and she could tell Ben was nervously doing the same.

 

Rey decided that now would be a good time to continue the conversation that had been interrupted the other day.The one where she’d meant to tell Ben that whatever this was between them, wouldn’t be allowed to progress or continue. 

 

She tried formulating in her head what she wanted to say, but nothing she came up with sounded right.She realized anything she said would sound too harsh, and that it would likely make things awkward between them as they spent the day together. 

 

And her heart was just not in it.

 

She could wait until the end of the day to have this conversation with him. 

 

It would be okay to allow herself to enjoy today.Just this one day. 

 

_After today, it can be over._

 

“So”, she finally said, breaking the silence.“Are you excited?”

 

“Yeah”, he said, smiling back at her.“I mean, I’m not really into this whole hippie movement thing, but I’m pretty into music.I was psyched when I heard that some of my favorite bands are playing just down the road.I was honestly thinking about going by myself before I heard you guys were going”.

 

Rey smiled. 

 

The two continued to have awkward small talk until Poe returned. 

 

A few minutes later, Rey found herself sandwiched between Poe and Ben on the motorcycle.She felt as though it was going to tip over from the weight of three grown adults, but Poe assured her it would be fine. 

 

Feeling Ben’s protective body and arms encircling her made her feel a lot safer, too.

 

As the motorcycle weaved through the traffic, Rey watched in awe.Down the road, they began passing the vast fields of the dairy farms, and her eyes widened as she saw cars strewn everywhere in the fields, as though someone had picked them all up and dropped them haphazardly.There must have been thousands of them.Not only that, but there were tents set up everywhere, and countless people walking in the same direction they were going.

 

As they reached the festival grounds, the traffic and crowd got exponentially larger.Rey’s mouth dropped open.Even after living in major cities such as London and New York, Rey had never laid eyes on such massive crowds.It should have been absolutely chaotic, but somehow it didn’t feel like that.Everyone just seemed… peaceful, and happy.

 

Poe pulled up to a little clearing and Rey spotted Finn and Rose. 

 

“So”, Poe said, as they stepped off the motorcycle, “The plan was originally to sneak you guys in, but as you can see, a lot of people showed up.Like, double the crowd they were expecting.  They think there are probably half a million people here.So, they stopped taking tickets.They had no way of stopping all these people from getting in”.

 

Rey looked around in awe.

 

“If we get separated, let’s make a plan to meet back here at 8pm.Does that sound good?That way, I can bring you guys back home.If you guys want to walk home, that’s fine too; it’ll just take you a while to get there”.

 

“Okay, so meet back here at 8”, Rey repeated.She looked up at Ben, suddenly more excited than she had been before. 

 

The group began walking around, and Rey couldn’t stop looking at everything.She felt like a small child, observing this new environment in complete awe.She’d thought there would just be a crowd of people sitting in front of a stage area, but it turned out the grounds were massive.Poe had pointed out the direction of the stage, bathrooms, camping areas and vending stands.As they walked, they passed wooded areas, cars and buses parked everywhere, parents with tiny children, farm animals, people with long hair, long, flowing dresses, people with painted faces and arms, people sitting in groups playing guitar, and even some people with signs protesting the war.The smell of patchouli was constantly present, and every so often, Rey would also get a skunky whiff of weed.She could hear very faint music coming from where the stage was, and almost everyone they passed by gave them a friendly ‘hi’.Rey wasn’t used to people being so kind.

 

Rose, Finn and Poe chatted incessantly, and Rey could sense that Ben felt a little bit out of place.So when Rose decided that she wanted to stand and watch a guy who was teaching yoga to a group of people, Rey took it as an opportunity to escape for a few minutes with Ben.

 

Their friends waved them off as Rey promised they’d be back soon; they just wanted to continue to walk around a bit. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Rey quietly asked Ben as soon as they were out of earshot of her friends. 

 

“Yeah”, Ben replied.“I’m just not very good in groups of people that I don’t know.I’m more of a one-on-one kind of person”. 

 

“Well, it’s a good thing you have me, then”, Rey replied as she grabbed his arm playfully, surprising herself at how flirty the tone of her voice sounded.Ben smiled at her and she melted.She wondered if he blushed like that when he had conversations with other people. 

 

They walked in silence a little bit further until they found themselves approaching a small lake with people swimming in it.Rey was too lost in her thoughts of Ben to notice what was happening in front of her, until she finally had a good look at the people in the lake.She stopped short and her eyes widened, her face growing extremely heated before she quickly averted her eyes.Ben snorted at her reaction.

 

“Oh my god”, she said quietly, covering her mouth, looking down at the ground as her cheeks burned.“All of those people are stark naked”. 

 

“Uh, yup”, Ben replied awkwardly as a blush creeped up on his own face.They finally looked up at each other and laughed.“You, uh, wanna join them?You know how to swim now”, he joked.Rey’s mouth dropped open and she smacked his arm, bursting into a peal of laughter as she was unable to keep a straight face. 

 

“I can’t believe they’re all just… letting themselves out there like that.I’d never be able to do that”, Rey exclaimed, gaining enough courage to sneak another quick peek.

 

“Yeah, you’re the type of person who has to have met someone at least once before you take your clothes off in front of them”, Ben deadpanned, clearly referring to their swimming lesson. 

 

“You’re terrible”, she smirked, though the comment undeniably stirred something in her lower belly.

 

The entire time, Rey tried to act casual despite the fact that there were some guys in her field of vision who had some parts of their bodies on display that her innocent eyes had never seen before. 

 

She blushed furiously as she wondered what Ben looked like down there.

 

 

——

 

 

They finally made their way back to the field where they were supposed to meet the others.The skinny-dipping incident had definitely loosened things up between them, and they found it much easier to talk and joke with each other after that.

 

“Uh, where’d they go?” Ben asked, his eyes searching the empty field where the yoga instructor had been just a little while before.

 

Rey looked up at Ben with a guilty half-smile and shrugged. 

 

“Looks like we lost them”.

 

Rey was secretly happy about it.She could tell from Ben’s sheepish smile that he was, too.

 

They decided to make their way over to the music.The crowd thickened as they approached the stage, and as it finally came into view, Rey’s eyes went wide.They were standing at the the top of a gradual hill, which formed somewhat of a half-bowl shape, with the small stage at the bottom.There were people _everywhere_ , to the point where Rey couldn’t even see so much as a blade of grass due to the massive crowd.

 

“Oh, this is Santana, I love them”, Ben said with a smile.Rey had never heard of them, but she decided that she quite enjoyed their music.Rey stood in front of Ben as they watched the scene; people all around them were dancing and swaying.She had to squint her eyes to even see that there were people on the stage, but the loudspeakers made it so she could hear everything perfectly.She eventually realized her torso was swaying along to the music almost involuntarily, and she looked up at Ben to see if he’d noticed.Of course, he had.He grinned back at her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder.Rey’s heart quickened at his touch, and she turned back around, smiling to herself.

 

After watching the rest of Santana’s set, they decided to go find the bathrooms.The blazing sun had made her hot and sweaty, and she was thrilled at the thought of freshening up a bit.She was also thankful that she’d remembered to bring her canteen, otherwise she probably would have passed out of dehydration by now.

 

As she probably should have realized, the bathroom facilities were nothing more than porta potties.They had no running water, no mirror, no toilet paper, and the inside was even more stifling hot than the outside. 

 

Rey sighed as she realized her only option was to take her shirt off and walk around in the bathing suit top.It wasn’t like she’d look out of place; by this point she’d seen several girls walking around completely topless.She stuffed the blue tank top into her bag and took a deep breath before opening the door.

 

Ben was standing there waiting for her, and she swore she saw his eyes widen a little bit when he saw her.

 

“I got really hot”, she said, almost apologetically.

 

“Well, if you’re going to do it”, he said, shrugging his shoulders, “I will too”.Rey watched as he crossed his arms and removed his own shirt, once again revealing his thick muscles to her.She suppressed the thought that she wanted to put her mouth all over his chest.He took the shirt and wiped the sweat off his forehead with it, and for some reason that caused a jolt of electricity to go straight down between her legs.Despite the heat, Rey felt goosebumps form on her arms.

 

“Let’s find somewhere in the shade where there aren’t so many people around”, he said.“It’ll help us cool off a bit”.Rey smiled and nodded in agreement.

 

They walked into the woods, which was sparsely littered with people and tents.They found a spot at the base of a huge oak tree and sat down.Rey pulled out her canteen and offered it to Ben, who took a hefty swig.She couldn’t help but sigh at the way he wiped off the excess moisture from his mouth with the back of his hand. 

 

They sat together for a few minutes with their backs against the tree, quietly watching people walk by on the nearby path.

 

“Did you grow up in the city?” Rey finally asked after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

 

“Yeah, I’m from Manhattan”, Ben replied. 

 

“Oooh, fancy”, she teased.Ben snorted.

 

“What do your parents do for work?” Rey asked.Ben sighed, as though this was a sore subject, but continued on anyway.

 

“My dad was a race car driver, but now he mostly works as a mechanic.Not because he has to, I think more to occupy his time than anything.He isn’t exactly a family man”. 

 

“Oh”, Rey replied quietly, sensing that she’d hit a soft spot.“What about your mother?”

 

“She’s a philanthropist”, he said, almost with disdain.“She’s a descendant of the Rothschilds, so we’ve always been, uh, well off”.Rey could tell he was trying not to put too much emphasis on the fact that his family was incredibly wealthy. 

 

“Wow”, she breathed.“That’s amazing”.

 

“I wouldn’t quite say that”, Ben replied.“In theory, my childhood should have been good.But—“, he said with a shrug, “I was raised by a nanny.My parents were never around.It’s funny that my mom wants to have all this ‘family time’ before I go off to college; it’s the most amount of time I’ve probably ever spent with my parents”.

 

“Oh, Ben”, she said sadly.“I’m sorry”.

 

He shrugged, and was silent for a moment. 

 

“It’s funny, my mom spends her time working with underprivileged kids, donating money, and making peoples’ lives better, but she could never spare a second for me.I got in so much trouble when I was younger, just because it was the only way I could get their attention, you know?I would get in fights, and I had a lot of trouble controlling my anger.The only reason I didn’t get sent to juvenile detention was because my mom could pay my way out of it.Then she’d just leave me on my own again.I’ve kind of felt alone my whole life”.

 

Rey looked up at him sympathetically.She didn’t really know how to respond, so instead she placed her hand on top of his.She curled her fingers around his, and he gave her a half smile.

 

“Sorry”, he said quietly.“I didn’t mean to turn this into something so depressing”. 

 

Rey offered him a tight smile.Something about Ben opening up about his loneliness resonated immeasurably with her.She began to speak, making the difficult decision to tell him a story she’d never shared with anyone.

 

“I was found in the Thames”, she began quietly.Slowly, she met Ben’s wide eyes.“On one of the coldest nights of the year.I was floating in the freezing cold river, so I couldn’t have been in there for more than a few minutes, but I was unconscious, and I had no idea how I got there.I was only about three”. 

 

Ben turned his hand around that she was still holding, and laced his fingers with hers.It gave her the courage to keep going.

 

“I was in hospital for three weeks.I didn’t know who my parents were, what my birthday was, or where I’d come from.The only thing I knew was my first name”.She paused and they sat in silence for a few moments.She knew that Ben was probably as inept at offering words of comfort than she was, but he did so silently, cradling her hand in his.

 

“I was raised in orphanages.No one wanted to adopt me; I was too old.When I found out that a family in America wanted me, I was so excited.They shipped me here, and of course, that fell through too.I’ve always felt like I was never good enough for a family”.She quickly brushed a traitorous tear out of her eye. 

 

“Rey”, Ben said, sympathy pouring out of his eyes.She could tell he hurt for her, and they sat silently for a few moments.The moment was broken when two small children ran by, laughing and shrieking. 

 

“Well”, she said with a gentle laugh and wiping another tear from her face as she pulled her hand away from Ben’s, “I guess we’ve established that we’re both very damaged people”.Ben’s face remained stoic.“Let’s go find something to eat and head back to the stage”.

 

 

——

 

 

It turned out that all of the vendor stands were fresh out of food.Apparently when half a million people show up at a festival intended for half that amount, food becomes scarce.They learned from a few people they talked to that the state had declared the festival a disaster area; though besides the lack of food, Rey failed to see the ‘disaster’ anywhere.Everyone was so kind and peaceful, and the atmosphere throughout the day had been so unexpectedly pleasant.

 

They gave up on looking for food, and decided to head back to the stage.Rey’s stomach growled, but she’d gone without food before, and she could do it again.

 

Just before they’d reached the top of the hill before the staging area, a sweet feminine voice called out to them.

 

“Hey, do you guys wanna smoke with us?”

 

It was about the hundredth time they’d been asked this, and while Rey was grateful for all the kindness, she wasn’t really interested in trying drugs.She was about to decline when Ben responded.

 

“Do you guys have anything to eat?”

 

“Yeah, come on over”, a male voice responded.“We were just about to cook dinner, we have plenty to go around”.

 

 

——

 

 

Twenty minutes later, they were sharing a gourmet meal of canned beans, fruit, and potato chips with a very sweet couple named Snap and Jessika.They spoke with slow, lilting voices, and though they were clearly high out of their minds, Rey felt quite comfortable with them.As they sat around talking and eating, Rey thanked them profusely for sharing their food.

 

“It’s nothing, really”, Snap said as they finished eating. 

 

“You know, you guys are a beautiful couple”, Jessika said, and Rey felt her face flush.She was about to correct Jess and tell her they were in fact _not_  a couple, but she realized that it really didn’t matter.She knew she was never going to see them again after tonight, so there was no point in ruining the compliment.Besides, she’d told herself that she could have this; just for today.

 

“Thanks”, she replied quietly, and she saw a massive grin break out on Ben’s face out of the corner of her eye.Something pleasant stirred in her stomach.

 

“I’m gonna pack a bowl, you guys want some?” Snap asked.

 

Rey looked up at Ben.She felt a little nervous, but a small part of her was curious.

 

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to”, Ben said quietly to her. 

 

“Maybe just a little?” Rey replied.

 

“Sure”, he said back.“If you start to feel uncomfortable, we can leave.But I promise, you’ll be okay”.

 

She smiled.

 

“Okay”, Rey said to Snap.

 

 

——

 

 

Rey had never smoked anything before.So the first time she brought the pipe to her lips and inhaled, all she could feel was an intense burning sensation.She began coughing and sputtering, and the group gave her knowing grins.

 

“First time, huh?” Snap said in a kind way that wasn’t judging at all. 

 

“Yeah”, she replied with an embarrassed laugh. 

 

“Try again”, Jess said.“Inhale, and try to keep it in your lungs for a few seconds.That’ll give you the best high”. 

 

Rey tried again, and was able to keep it in her lungs a little bit longer, though she still ended up coughing.After several more tries, she passed the pipe to Ben.

 

A few minutes later, she began to feel a pleasant haze overtake her.She felt like she could hear the faint music coming from the stage more clearly, and it sounded so beautiful to her.Time seemed like it had slowed down.All anxiety that had been in her body melted away, and she felt a little bit weightless.She looked up at Ben and smiled lazily.

 

“You okay?” Ben asked, lightly placing his fingers on her upper arm.She felt it _everywhere_.

 

“Yeah”, she replied happily. 

 

The group spent the next hour or so (or maybe it was several, Rey couldn’t tell), just talking.Rey and Ben only took those initial few hits, though Jess and Snap continued to smoke throughout. 

 

“You guys wanna head over and watch the show?” Snap finally asked, as the sun began to set. 

 

“Sure”, Ben replied.Rey felt so ecstatic about everything.Though she could feel the high fading, she still felt a little bolder, standing up and grabbing Ben’s hand, pulling him up with her.Jess and Snap followed, as they also walked hand-in-hand to the stage.

 

They found a small clearing at the very top of the hill, and they stood and watched for a few minutes.Rey stood in front of Ben, who held his hand on her shoulder.Snap and Jess were next to them, their arms slung affectionately across each others’ shoulders.Rey smiled at how intimate they looked.The music was loud, so Rey turned and pulled Ben down to her so she could shout a question into his ear.

 

“Which band is this?” Rey asked.He leaned down to answer her, his hair tickling her shoulder as he replied.

 

“Canned Heat”, he said, his face so close to her.Feeling Ben’s breath on the sensitive skin of her ear and neck made her entire body break out in goosebumps. 

 

Eventually they sat down, both cross legged, with Rey in front of Ben.It was mostly dark out now, and Rey played with the blades of grass in front of her.Every few minutes, she’d look back at Ben and they’d smile shyly at each other. 

 

After a little while, she found herself resting her hand on Ben’s knee, which was right next to her waist.He responded by lightly placing his hand on her upper arm.It made her heart race.

 

She began to drag her thumb back and forth over his knee.He did the same on her arm, eventually extending his hand so it spanned part of her back, as his thumb continued to graze her skin.

 

Rey hoped he couldn’t see her chest begin to rise and fall rapidly.She felt his touch everywhere, especially in her lower belly.She was glad it was dark out, because she knew his touch was turning her on, and it was making her blush.

 

There were thousands of people all around them, but Rey felt like they were the only ones there.She closed her eyes as Ben’s hands continued to freely caress the bare skin of her back; she reveled in the feeling.She was practically panting with desire.

 

Finally, it was becoming too much.She couldn’t take it anymore.She had to do something to ease the tension that was building within her.  Rey turned around, breathing heavily, and she saw a gleam of light reflecting in Ben’s eyes.His hand stilled on her back and he returned her gaze with an indiscernible expression.

 

In a sudden wave of boldness, Rey brought her hand up to his cheek, gently pushing his hair out of his face.She could tell that he wanted the exact same thing as her, though she couldn't tell if he was as nervous as she.  Finally, Rey curled her fingers around the back of his neck and gently pulled him towards her.She closed her eyes just before she felt his lips gently touch hers.

 

His lips were warm and soft; so much softer than she’d ever anticipated.They hovered for a few still moments with their lips pressed together, before Ben brought his hand up to cup her cheek.The simple gesture felt so intimate, and Rey responded by deepening the kiss, moving her lips gently against his.She felt Ben smile against her, and after a few moments his tongue snaked out of his mouth, and she opened hers to allow him access.She was incredibly inexperienced, but she and Ben seemed to easily find a rhythm together. 

 

Rey now had both of her hands wound in Ben’s soft hair, and she was sitting on her knees in front of him.He was still sitting cross-legged, both of his hands anchored to her bare waist.The passion intensified a little bit, until Rey realized she’d forgotten to breathe, and broke the kiss.They both sat there in front of each other, gasping for air, and drunk on the moment they’d just shared.

 

Without saying a word, Rey turned around and sat back against him, melting into his bare chest as he curled his arms around her stomach.Her fingers laced themselves with his.

 

She sat in a blissful haze; her mind absolutely reeling over the fact that she’d just experienced her first kiss.She’d imagined it would be awkward and fumbling, and figured she’d probably screw it up due to the fact that she’d didn’t know what she was doing.But Ben had made it so easy.Once her lips had touched his, she somehow knew exactly what to do.

 

 

——

 

 

A while later, it dawned on Rey that it was well past 8:00.They had missed their meeting time with Poe.They needed to be getting back soon.The pair excused themselves and said goodbye to Snap and Jess, and thanked them again for sharing dinner with them.Rey and Ben walked away hand in hand, both shyly bereft of conversation topics. 

 

She realized that her day with Ben would soon be over, and she was thrust back into the reality that she had to break things off with him.She’d promised herself that she would.She had to.Her future depended on it.

 

“Did you have fun today?” Ben asked.Rey looked up at him.

 

“I had the best time, Ben”, she replied dreamily.“I don’t think I could have imagined a more perfect day”.

 

“Me too”, he replied.They walked in silence for a little longer.

 

Ben kept brushing his fingers over her knuckles, and Rey shivered every time. 

 

“Are you okay?” Ben finally asked.“You’re being kind of quiet”.He could sense something was wrong. 

 

“I’m fine”, she replied.“It was just a lot.That was, uh, my first kiss”. 

 

“Wait, really?” Ben asked.“Could have fooled me”.

 

Rey laughed. 

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment?”

 

“You absolutely should”, Ben replied.“I’ve only kissed a few girls, but that was, by far, the best”.

 

Rey smiled and looked down.Why did he have to be so wonderful?

 

“You weren’t so bad yourself”, she said, playfully bumping her hip against his.He squeezed her hand in response. 

 

The playful banter continued the whole way home.Rey managed to suppress all of her thoughts of breaking things off with Ben until they reached the driveway of the resort.

 

“When can I see you again?” Ben asked quietly.Rey paused.Tears pricked at the back of her eyes, and she was almost crushed with guilt.

 

“Ben”, she started, and he could immediately tell by the tone of her voice that he wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. 

 

“What is it?” Ben asked, dread creeping through his voice.

 

“We can’t do this”, she finally ground out, her voice shaking a little bit.

 

“What?Why?”

 

“You’re a guest, and I’m… I’m an employee.I’m nobody.Surely you can find someone better than me.Anyone”. 

 

“What?What the fuck, Rey?Are you kidding?”He had a wild look in his eye.“You’re not nobody.  Not to me".

 

"Please don't do this, Ben".

 

"Didn’t you feel something back there?Because I did.I’ve felt it since the moment I met you that night at the restaurant”. 

 

Tears began to fall from her eyes.

 

“Of course I felt something”, she said, her voice wavering all over the place.“I can honestly say I’ve never liked anyone as much as you.This has been one of the best days of my life.But, I could lose my job, and my entire scholarship if someone finds out about us”.She sniffled and wiped her face.“I can’t lose this, Ben, I’ve worked my entire life for it”.

 

“Then we keep it a secret”, he said, devastation hinting in his tone.He cupped her face, his thumbs brushing away her tears as she continued to cry.“We don’t have to tell anyone.Rey, you’re all I can think about.I can’t bear to lose you. _Please_ ”. 

 

His words came out like a desperate plea, and Rey bit her lip to keep from breaking down completely.She looked into his eyes; tears flooding down her face, and she knew in her heart that she couldn’t let this end.Ben rushed towards her and kissed her desperately, and though stiff at first, she eventually melted and wound her arms around his neck.They kissed passionately for several seconds, and when it broke, Rey replied to him softly.

 

“We have to keep it a secret”.

 


	6. Live For Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey suspects something about her best friend.
> 
> Hux returns.
> 
> Rey and Ben do a little sneaking around...

_We were never meant to worry_

_The way that people do_

_And I don't mean to hurry_

_As long as I'm with you_

_-The Grass Roots_

 

Rey skipped up the steps of the cabin with a grin plastered on her face.Her heart wouldn’t stop fluttering, and she kept putting her fingers to her lips; it was still hard to believe that just a few minutes earlier, Ben’s mouth was pressed against hers. 

 

The cabin was dark, so Rey was expecting it to be empty.Rose had been so excited about spending the day with Finn, so Rey figured they were probably still together.But just in case, she opened the door quietly. 

 

Rey was about to turn the light on, when she heard Rose stir in her bed.

 

“Oh, you scared me”, Rey whispered, pressing her hand to her chest.“I thought you were still out”.

 

“No, I got home a while ago”, Rose replied.There was something uncharacteristically quiet about her voice.“How was your day?”

 

“It was… a lot of fun”, Rey replied calmly, trying to stuff down the strong emotions that were threatening to burst out of her.Even though Rose was one of her best friends, she still hadn’t properly weighed the consequences of letting her in on her secret. 

 

“Yeah?”, Rose replied.“That’s good”. 

 

Rey had been prepared for the incessant questions about what she’d done that day, exactly how far she’d gotten with Ben, what the inside of his mouth tasted like… she certainly wasn’t expecting this quiet, demure version of Rose who was hardly saying a word.Rey narrowed her eyes in the darkness.Rose had been _so_  excited earlier today, and now she wasn’t acting like herself.

 

“How was _your_  day, Rose?”Rey asked, trying to get some insight.

 

“It was fine”, Rose said, almost in a whisper. 

 

Clearly, it was anything but fine.

 

“Are you sure?You seem awfully quiet.”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Rose replied.She sounded exhausted; like she’d foregone rest for a year.

 

“Okay”, Rey said tentatively.“I can’t find my pajamas, is it okay if I turn the light on real quick?”

 

“Sure”, Rose said. 

 

Rey flicked the switch, and they both narrowed their eyes from the bright light.As her eyes adjusted, Rey’s gaze finally landed on Rose.Her eyes were swollen and puffy.She’d clearly been crying.

 

“Oh, Rose”, Rey said tenderly.She made her way over to Rose’s bed and sat down on the edge, placing her hand on Rose’s arm.“Please tell me what’s wrong”.

 

Rose’s eyes took that as an invitation to open up the dam; tears flooded out as her face contorted.She tried to hide her face with her hands, and all Rey could do was offer a comforting touch on her arm.

 

“I just—“, Rose poured out, her tone wailing, “I thought I was finally going to get somewhere with Finn today.I thought something would happen between us.I just… I like him _so_ much, Rey”. 

 

Rose sputtered and sniffled as Rey offered a comforting hand on her back as she began to sob. 

 

“I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you this, because he’s your best friend”, she said between sniffles. 

 

“Rose”, Rey said adamantly.“I promise anything you say will be kept in confidence.You’re one of my best friends too, you know”.Rose offered her a weak smile, Rey knew she appreciated it. 

 

“It’s just that…” Rose said between sniffles before taking a long pause, “It’s just that, I spent the entire day with Finn _and_  Poe”. 

 

Rey understood what she was trying to say. Poe hadn’t left them alone, and it would have been awkward to initiate anything with Finn in front of him.

 

“…And so Poe was like a third wheel”, Rey finished for her, nodding her head in understanding.Rose grimaced and didn’t continue, she only looked fearfully up at Rey.That wasn’t the reason why Rose was crying, she realized.

 

“What is it, Rose?”

 

Rose’s voice got uncharacteristically quiet.

 

“No”, she said incredulously, her eyes downcast.“Rey, _I_ felt like the third wheel”.

 

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, her brow wrinkled in confusion.

 

“He just—“ Rose started, before pausing, as Rey waited patiently for her to find her words.“God, I shouldn’t even be telling you this”, she finally said, a fresh wave of tears falling.Rey kept a comforting hand on Rose’s back.

 

“It’s up to you whether you tell me or not, but it may make you feel better if you get it out”.Rose looked timidly up at her.

 

“I feel like he was more interested in Poe than he was in me”, she quickly blurted out, her eyes widening after she’d said it, as if she’d immediately regretted it.

 

Rey sat back for a second, processing what Rose had just told her.Could it be? Finn _never_  talked about ever having had a girlfriend, or even about girls he was interested in.Rey sometimes wondered if he shied away from the subject because he maybe had a crush on her.But, Finn also frequently spoke about how he and Rey had such a great brother-sister relationship, and she surmised that he wouldn’t say something like that if he in fact wanted her in a different way.

 

When Rey didn’t respond right away, Rose wrapped her arms around her knees, anxiously rocking back and forth a little bit.

 

“I shouldn’t have said that”, she said.“You’re probably going to go tell him and—“

 

“Rose”, Rey interrupted firmly.Her voice grew softer and she placed her hand back on Rose’s arm to help ground her.“I’m not going to say a word, I promise”.Rose smiled gratefully.

 

Rey spent the rest of the night shocked at how much sense Rose’s words made.

 

 

——

 

 

The next morning when Rey’s alarm went off, she opened her eyes groggily like usual. After a moment of coming out of her post-sleep haze, she felt a huge smile spread across her face.The previous day hadn’t been a dream.She felt butterflies creep into her stomach as she remembered what had happened with Ben.In a huge deviation from her usual, excessively lazy routine, Rey rose from her bed with no sleep-ridden protests, and got ready for work while thinking excitedly about how she was going to see Ben later. 

 

Unlike most early morning shifts, Rey showed up for work with several minutes to spare, noting on her walk how beautiful the newly risen sun looked in the sky.Her coworkers noticed the near-constant smile on her face, and some gave her strange glances. 

 

A few hours into her shift, she found herself suddenly snapped out of her euphoric mood and dragged back to earth.She had been serving a pleasant older couple, when something caught out of the corner of her eye.She looked up and saw Hux being seated, along with a stocky redheaded man who was presumably his father. 

 

 _He’s back_.

 

Hux was staring directly at her, with the same judgmental, predatory grin as he had several times before.A cold shudder slithered up her spine. 

 

She tried to ignore the fact that his gaze was fixed on her every time she emerged from the kitchen.Fortunately she hadn’t been assigned to his table, but she knew he was making it a point to try to taunt and intimidate her from afar with his stares.

 

When Hux and his father finally left, Rey breathed a sigh of relief and went on with her day.She looked forward to her afternoon with Ben, and tried not to let the nagging fear of Hux taint her thoughts.

 

As her shift drew to an end, a new wave of nerves began to creep through her body.She was going to be meeting Ben at the dock in a little while.Rey wondered what would happen.She had never been in a relationship before, so she wasn’t sure what expectations he may place on her.She certainly wasn’t ready to go all the way and have sex just yet, and she hoped he wouldn’t be upset about her needing some time. 

 

Despite her nerves, Rey felt excited to just simply be in his presence again.Even if all she did was stare at his beautiful face for the rest of the day, she’d be happy. 

 

She quickly showered and dressed, opting to wear a simple sleeveless green top and shorts.She had so much nervous energy that she practically skipped through the woods to meet him.

 

Her heart nearly stopped when she approached him, sitting on the dock, looking out over the water. He wore a tight black T-shirt, and she could see the thick muscles of his upper arms peeking out from his sleeves.His hair hung loosely down, and she watched hungrily as he ran a hand through it.She noticed his foot fidgeting under the dock; maybe he was just as jittery as she.

 

She must have made a noise, for he whipped around just as she took a step towards the dock.His face melted into a warm smile and he turned a little bit red. 

 

“Hey”, she said with a sweet smile, approaching and sitting down next to him, keeping a respectable few inches between them.

 

“Hi”, he replied with a nervous smile.His face was adorably tinged pink, likely from being out in the sun all day at Woodstock.

 

“How was your day?” Ben asked, looking down at his large hands which were twisting nervously in his lap.

 

“It’s been pretty good”, she replied shyly, her eyes darting up every few seconds to meet his.“It’s definitely better now, though”.She felt her face grow hot at her attempt at bashful flirting.Ben smiled and a silence fell among them.

 

Since a huge line had been crossed between them at Woodstock, there was now an unspoken understanding that they shared.This was something more; it was leading to something deeper.However, it made for somewhat awkward exchanges between the two of them, for right now it was clear that neither knew how to approach the subject, or how to bring themselves back to that intimate point they’d reached the previous day.It was like an elephant in the room that neither knew how to bring up. So, they were left with awkward small talk.

 

“Hux is back”, Rey finally said in a quiet voice.It wasn’t exactly a romantic subject to bring up, but she didn’t know what else to say.

 

“Shit, I almost forgot about him”, Ben replied.He paused, then turned towards Rey.“He didn’t... bother you or anything, did he?”

 

“No no”, Rey assured him.“Well, aside from staring me down while I was working, but that was all”. 

 

“Fucking asshole”, Ben said under his breath.“Make sure you come find me if he tries anything, okay?Actually, maybe you should give me your work schedule so I can walk you to and from work.I don’t want him laying a hand on you”.

 

“That’s really sweet, Ben, but I can’t live in fear.I spent my entire childhood fending for myself; I think I can handle him”.

 

Ben paused for a moment, then looked at her with a playful expression.

 

“Can I walk you to work anyway?”

 

Rey giggled and nudged him gently. 

 

“Ben!People will see us”, she laughed, as though it was the most scandalous thing in the world.

 

“Oh, right.I almost forgot about that”, he said with an adorable grin, though Rey could tell that there was a hint of genuine disappointment in his voice.Her expression softened, and her smile faded.

 

“It won’t be like this forever”, she said quietly, her eyes shyly meeting his.Ben smiled and slid his arm around her shoulders.Rey responded by laying her head against him.

 

She looked down, enjoying the quiet moment (though admittedly, her insides were churning with excitement), and her eyes landed on one of his hands.

 

“What happened?” Rey asked, gentle concern hinting in her voice.She picked up his large hand in her tiny one, bringing it closer to her face to get a better look.The back of his knuckles were frayed and cut up, the fresh blood beginning to scab over.She didn’t remember seeing these cuts yesterday.

 

“I got in a fight with my dad this morning”, he replied, his voice still soft.

 

“Oh”, Rey responded as she continued to inspect his wound.“Like, a fistfight?”

 

“Not really.He said something to piss me off and I just... I just punched the wall and cut up my hand.It happens a lot.He and I just don’t see eye to eye”. 

 

“Oh Ben, I’m sorry”, she said, bringing her hand down and lacing her fingers with his.He idly began to brush the side of her hand with his thumb.

 

“It’s nothing”, he replied. 

 

Ben’s touch was beginning to make that familiar fluttering rise in her stomach again.She lifted her head off his shoulder as she met his gaze.They seemed to have an unspoken conversation through looks alone, and Rey could instantly tell that they were in solid agreement.Ben squeezed her hand as the arm that was around her began to draw her in.Her heart quickened in anticipation as her eyes locked with his, then drifted down to his lips.She moved closer and closer, until her face was less than an inch away from his.

 

“Ben”, she suddenly whispered into his mouth.Her worried gaze darted back to his eyes as he drew back.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, his voice laced with concern.

 

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated for a second before anything came out.

 

“I’m so nervous”, she finally confessed, looking up at him apologetically.“I’ve never done this before… any of it.I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you”.Ben looked as though he was trying to hide a smile.

 

“Rey, I know this is all new to you, and trust me, you’re not alone.I haven’t done any of it either”, he said with an encouraging look.

 

“But—“, Rey started before pausing.“You—you said you’ve kissed girls before”.

 

“Yeah, I’ve kissed two other girls, but that’s it”, Ben replied with a laugh.“And they were innocent kisses.No tongue”.

 

“But… how?Look at you!You have that face, and that hair, and that _body_ ”.Rey laughed incredulously, gesturing toward his muscular torso.

 

“And this personality, who has no idea how to even talk to a girl.I think it’s a miracle that I haven’t run you off yet”.

 

Rey laughed to herself.

 

“I just thought… surely you’d—you know, done _that_  before”.

 

“Rey, I promise you, that I have no idea what I’m doing here.And if you’re nervous, we can take it as slow as you want.Just know that I’m nervous too.I’m freaking out, actually.I can’t really believe this is happening”, he said with a laugh as his hand ran through his hair.

 

Rey looked down and smiled to herself.Her eyes found their way back to Ben’s, who looked like he was expecting her to say something.She responded by pulling him down so his lips crashed against hers.He smiled against her as she took the initiative.She now felt far more comfortable knowing that Ben was just as inexperienced as she, and that there were no expectations.As she grew more confident, she felt even more emboldened to take the lead.

 

Her tongue quickly slid out of her mouth and he opened his to allow her access, as she threaded her hands through his soft hair.She accidentally gave a few strands a gentle tug, and he emitted a low moaning sound that shot straight down between her legs.

 

 _He likes that_.

 

She continued to experiment with touching his hair, as well as licking and sucking in his mouth, learning what he liked.Every so often he’d moan or growl, and she knew she’d done something to drive him wild. 

 

Alternately, Ben was doing some exploring of his own.Rey discovered that she loved when Ben would gently scrape her lower lip between his teeth.She made a breathy sound every time he did it, and she would feel him smile into their kiss.Rey felt euphoric; she didn’t want this to ever end.

 

Eventually, Ben planted both arms on either side of her, pleasantly caging her in.Rey instinctively let herself fall backwards onto the dock, keeping her hands on either side of Ben’s face so their kiss wouldn’t break.Ben hovered over her, though he seemed to be very conscious of keeping certain parts of his body from touching her.Rey was thankful, because even though she was enjoying this rapid progression immensely, she was still scared to cross certain lines. 

 

They kissed like this for a few minutes, and Ben began to trail kisses across her cheek, deciding to explore new places with his mouth.Rey reveled in it for a few seconds, when she heard faint laughter coming from somewhere close by.Her head jerked away from him as she listened for the noise.

 

“What is it?” Ben asked, panting heavily.Rey put her hand up to signify silence, and her eyes darted around.She heard it again. 

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

“I think it’s just people in the main part of the lake.I don’t think we have to worry”.He leaned down to kiss her again, his eyes heavy with desire.

 

“I feel like this is a dangerous spot to do this in; someone’s going to find us”, Rey said, ducking her head away from him.Ben rolled off of her and sat back upright, his legs hanging off the dock just like before.He sighed.

 

“Well, where else can we—“ he started, looking around until his eyes landed on the boathouse.“What about in there?It looks private”.

 

“That could work”, Rey replied, a mischievous grin taking over her face. 

 

The boathouse was old, not very clean, and smelled a little musty.But, it was private and secluded, and they knew they could carry on with their activities with almost no chance of being discovered.They looked around in the dark building, which had small boats, rope, and other equipment strewn everywhere.Rey found an old ladder leading to what looked like a loft, and hoisted herself up. 

 

“Ben, come up here!”Rey called when she reached the top. 

 

It was perfect.There was a cozy little nook next to some of the equipment that looked like it would just about fit the two of them.Even on the off chance that someone did come into the boathouse, they wouldn’t likely look up here.

 

Rey was all over Ben the second he reached the top of the ladder.She circled her hands around his back almost violently, and pulled him down to her as if she depended on him for oxygen.

 

Within minutes, they were both on the floor, picking up exactly where they left off.Ben nuzzled into Rey’s neck, as intense sensations overtook her once again.The second Ben’s lips touched her neck, an involuntary moan escaped her.She arched her neck as an unmistakable invitation to keep going, and held his head in place with her hands because it felt so _good_.Ben began sucking at her skin, and she resisted the overwhelming urge to grind her pelvis against him. 

 

 _We need to take this slow_ , she told herself.

 

She did, however, feel it in in other places as well; every time she would inhale a heaving breath, her hardened nipples would press exquisitely against his chest. 

 

Ben drew back from her neck, blowing air gently on the spot where his lips just were, which created a very cool, pleasurable sensation that she felt in every area of her body.He lifted his head to look at her, his breath shuddering a little bit.Rey tugged at his hair again as she brought his mouth down to crash against hers again.

 

They continued like this for several minutes.Every second that passed, realization dawned on Rey that this whole ‘taking it slow’ thing would be a lot more difficult that she’d originally thought.Ben just made it so easy, and she was so comfortable with him.There was more than one occasion where she’d contemplated grabbing his hand and sliding it down her shorts. 

 

But, she told herself, they had time to explore all these things, and after a little while Ben gently extracted his tangled limbs from hers, saying that he needed to go get ready for dinner with his parents.Neither Ben nor Rey’s willpower was very strong, and they ended up continuing for another half hour before Ben finally realized that he would, in fact, be late.

 

They both agreed that the extra time spent together was definitely worth it.

 

As soon as Rey stepped down from the ladder onto the ground floor, Ben was kissing her again.She giggled as they awkwardly tried to maneuver themselves out the door without breaking the kiss. 

 

Ben finally ripped himself away from her as they opened the door to the boathouse.Rey looked at his shocked expression, then looked over to see what he was looking at. 

 

Rose was sitting at the opposite end of the dock, bolt-upright, with a shellshocked expression on her face.Her eyes bugged out of her head and her jaw had nearly dropped to the ground. 

 

“Oh, _fuck_ ”, Rey murmured. 

 

“I take it you haven’t told her”, Ben deadpanned.

 

“I haven’t told anyone!” Rey hissed back.

 

“Um, hey, Rose”, Ben finally called out to her, giving a friendly wave.Rose waved back as a massive, smug grin began to overtake her face. 

 

“I uh, gotta go”, Ben said, fully and mischievously aware that he was leaving Rey alone to explain herself to her friend.“I’ll see you tomorrow”, he said to Rey, looking soulfully into her eyes.He grabbed her hand and squeezed it before running off.Rey’s heart fluttered before she turned back to guiltily face her friend.

 

“I _knew_ it!” Rose cried triumphantly, as she stood up and raced over to Rey, skipping and yelling “I knew it, I knew it”, over and over in a singsong voice.

 

“You caught me”, Rey admitted wearily. 

 

“Okay so, please tell me _everything_ ”, Rose said, grabbing Rey’s hands and pulling her down to sit.“Have you guys… you know?”

 

“NO, Rose!”Rey cried.“This only began yesterday!”

 

“And you’re already sneaking off to make out with each other in the abandoned boathouse”, Rose giggled.“I’m sorry I was so upset last night, I clearly missed out on hearing what happened between you two yesterday.So tell me everything, don’t leave _any_  details out”.

 

Rey wasn’t used to telling anyone salacious details about her romantic life, especially since she hand’t had a romantic life to speak of before the previous day.But, she told Rose everything she felt comfortable with, leaving out some of the more explicit details of their makeout session.Rose listened intently, happily absorbing all of the information Rey was sharing with her.

 

“I just, really like him”, Rey finally confessed, pushing her hair nervously behind her ear.“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before”.Rose looked like she was going to burst from happiness over the sweet and pure feelings Rey was confessing to her, when something caught her eye.

 

“Oh my god Rey.What is that?!”

 

Rey looked behind her, trying to see what Rose was pointing at.

 

“No, that on your neck.Did Ben do that?”

 

Rey brought her hand up to her neck, and realized that one of the spots he’d paid particular attention to ached as if it were bruised.Her eyes widened when she realized what had happened.

 

“Do I have a—“Rey started.

 

“You have a hickey!” Rose cried at the same time.“Oh my god.We need to make sure we cover that up with makeup before you go out in public”.

 

“It’s that visible?”Rey asked with an embarrassed pout.

 

“You could probably see that thing from space”, Rose replied with a laugh.

 

Rey groaned and fell onto her back.Part of her was secretly happy that he’d left a mark on her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my biggest hopes for Episode IX (besides Reylo, of course), is that Rey and Rose become really good friends. I think SW needs to have at least one close female friendship, and the way I write Rey and Rose in this story is how I hope they can be in the movie.
> 
> Another note: People had very different views on homosexuality during this time period. I'm not really going to get into those archaic viewpoints, and as far as homophobia goes you aren't going to see it much in this story. Please just know that Rey is 100% accepting and supportive of her friends. As is Rose, even though she's a little bit heartbroken at the moment.


	7. Soul Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to get a little dark a few chapters from now, so here, have some sugary sweet fluff and smutty times, featuring our nervous, awkward virgins.

“Did you have fun at the festival?”

 

“Yeah, I had the best time!Poe took us everywhere, he was able to get us right up close to the stage during some of the acts. It was incredible!”

 

Rey and Finn sat in their usual booth at the diner the next afternoon. It had been a while since they’d spent time together without others around, so he had excitedly agreed when she’d asked him to go out to lunch.Rey also was eager for some insight on what Rose had told her, without giving away her suspicions, of course.

 

“Wow, Poe seems like a cool guy”, Rey replied, catching some of her friend’s enthusiasm. 

 

“Oh Rey, he’s great.He’s actually coming out here from the city in a few days so we can get together again”. 

 

“Oh, that sounds like fun”, Rey replied.“Is Rose going too?”

 

“Uh, I don’t think so.I kind of assumed she had to work”, Finn said with a shrug.

 

“Oh”, Rey replied neutrally.She didn’t want to let on that she’d spoken to Rose about all this; the last thing she wanted to do was breach her trust, so she dropped it.“I’m glad you had fun and that’s great that you made a friend”.

 

“What about you?Did you have a good time with Ben?”Finn wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.Rey grinned and looked down bashfully.

 

“Yes, we had a great day”, she replied, finally meeting his eyes.She found herself unable to wipe the wide smile off her face.

 

“Wow, Peanut, look at you!” Finn exclaimed.“I’ve never seen you go crazy over a guy before”. 

 

“Don’t say a word to anyone, Finn”, Rey said in a low voice, still grinning a bit.“I could get sacked if anyone finds out”.Rey knew she didn’t have to tell him to keep quiet, but her anxiety couldn’t help it.Finn laughed.

 

“Oh wow, so you two actually have something serious going on!” Finn folded his arms and looked back at her in surprise.His expression softened when he realized she was blushing.“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me, Peanut.But just know that if he does anything to hurt you, he’s going to have to deal with me”. 

 

Rey giggled.

 

“Thanks, Finn”.

 

“Did you know Poe lives practically right down the street from the orphanage?We lived right near him for years and never knew it!”

 

Rey had gone into the restaurant that night with the intention of subtly prying information out of Finn about his feelings towards Poe, and as the afternoon went on, she realized there wasn’t much prying needed.Finn didn’t stop talking about him the entire time.It was strange, seeing Finn gushing over someone like this, even though he was trying not to make it obvious.She imagined it was probably just as strange for him, seeing her swooning over someone, too.

 

After lunch ended and they drove back to the resort, Finn wrapped Rey in a giant bear hug as they promised to spend time together again soon.Rey skipped home to get ready for her rendezvous with Ben.

 

 

——

 

 

Rey and Ben made a routine of going to the boathouse every afternoon to spend time together.Ben had brought a couple of blankets from his hotel room, making their space far more cozy and comfortable.They spent hours every day getting to know each others’ minds and bodies.When they weren’t busy making out, they’d talk for hours.They spoke about their pasts, their dreams for the future which were slowly starting to involve each other, and they discussed how they were going to handle their relationship beginning in a few weeks when they both moved to dorm rooms in the city.Rey was relieved they wouldn’t have to hide their relationship anymore, but she was also dreading the fact that they wouldn’t be able to meet up every day and get lost in each other for hours.And the logistics of going somewhere to be alone were precarious as well, since they’d both be paired with roommates, and they suspected the dorms likely had rules against opposite sex visitors.So, they enjoyed their little secluded paradise while they still could.

 

Sometimes they’d go in the water.Rey hadn’t completely gotten over her fear of it, so it mostly just involved Ben diving in while she stood knee-deep, but they both considered it to be progress.She was content to stand and stare at his body as he splashed in and out of the water.She still couldn’t believe this beautiful person was _hers_.

 

Their makeout sessions remained relatively innocent; they were both still too nervous to venture underneath any clothing.Ben did graze his fingertips under her shirt a few times, and it made her feel like she was on fire.She noticed through stolen glances to his pelvic region that he became very visibly turned on every time they made out, though she was too afraid to explore that part of his body just yet.Similarly, she became intensely aroused every single time, to the point where she would have to take care of things either once she got home, or in the shower, depending on the level of privacy she had.

 

Sometimes they’d lazily drift off in each others’ arms, though they both knew it couldn’t go further than quick catnaps. 

 

Rey also made sure to steer Ben’s attention away from her neck, and to less visible places such as her collarbone, so he wouldn’t leave any more conspicuous bruises.

 

Rose constantly tried to press her for information about how things were progressing, but Rey generally didn’t tell her too much, for she felt weird sharing such intimate details with her friend.

 

A few days after they’d settled into this routine, Rey and Ben found themselves lying in the boathouse, coming down from the high of being attached at the mouth for the past two hours.Rey’s head was on his chest as she listened to his slowing heartbeat, and he had an arm curled protectively around her back.After several minutes of silence, Ben finally spoke.

 

“I want to take you on a date”.

 

Rey lifted her head and looked up at him.

 

“Really?” She asked, as though she didn’t believe that she deserved to be treated like that.She’d never been on a date before.

 

“Of course, silly.Can I take you to dinner tomorrow?”

 

 

——

 

The next afternoon, Rey found herself getting ready for their date, sitting in a chair while Rose did her makeup.Rose went for a more dramatic look than she had for Woodstock, caking Rey’s eyes with a good amount of eyeliner and mascara.She had procured a dress from another one of their coworkers who was a similar size to Rey.It was Kelly green, with an off the shoulder sweetheart neckline, and a form-fitting bodice.The dress went just down to her knees, and had a skirt that flared out slightly.Rose removed the curlers from her hair, styled it a bit, and then turned Rey around to look in the mirror.

 

She hardly recognized herself; the girl staring back at her was actually _pretty_.The color of the dress was both dramatic and sweet, and brought out the green hues in her eyes.

 

“Ohmygod”, Rose gushed.“He is going to _die_  when he sees you”.Rey looked down bashfully. 

 

 

——

 

 

After Rose had finished fawning over her, Rey snuck out to Ben’s car.He was already inside, and she quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching before ducking into the car.She knew she was being slightly paranoid, but her anxious nature couldn’t help it.

 

As she sat down, Ben stared at her for a few seconds with his mouth dropped slightly open, before he was seemingly able to speak again.

 

“So, maybe on second thought we should just head straight to the boathouse”, he finally said with a mischievous grin.“I think I’m going to have a tough time keeping my hands off of you, looking like that”. 

 

Rey felt her insides stir.

 

“But I’m starving”, she said with a sweet smile.

 

“Me too”, Ben replied, though she had a feeling he wasn’t exactly talking about food.He leaned over to kiss her, placing a gentle hand on her cheek.

 

“But”, he whispered into her ear.“I really want the chance to show off my gorgeous girlfriend, so let’s go”. 

 

Rey blushed at his words, and bit back a smile that was threatening to take over her face.

 

_Girlfriend_.

 

——

 

The restaurant was fancier than any she’d ever set foot in before, and she could hardly believe she was here.

 

Ben had opted to take her to a very upscale French restaurant in Liberty.They figured that a 20 minute drive from the Alderaan would be a safe distance, so they wouldn’t be spotted by anyone they knew.

 

“Have you been here before?” Rey asked quietly after they’d been seated.The restaurant was dark, not very crowded, and the candles on every table created a very intimate atmosphere.

 

“My parents have brought me here a few times”, he replied.“But don’t worry, I’ve never seen anyone I know here”.

 

When the waiter came over, Ben opted to order a bottle of champagne for the table.Since turning eighteen, Rey had never taken advantage of the fact that she was now of legal drinking age.The prospect of trying it made her feel quite grown up. 

 

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she glanced down on her menu and saw that the bottle Ben had ordered cost over $50. 

 

The champagne was very bubbly and sweet, and a few minutes after beginning to sip it, she began to feel pleasant jitters begin to course through her body. It felt a little like when she had smoked marijuana, but her mind felt less hazy.Instead, she felt a bubbling giddiness that made her want to burst out into giggles. 

 

Neither Rey nor Ben drank too much of the champagne, though she did have enough to take the edge off of her nerves a bit.The wine caused conversation to flow more easily amongst them, and it it made Ben somehow look even more beautiful than usual.The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed next to the candlelight was making her melt.

 

“I feel so out of place here”, Rey said with a laugh as she took a bite of the artistically arranged salmon she’d just been served.“I can’t believe people actually live like this”.

 

“To be honest”, Ben said with a laugh, “I feel really fucking out of place too”.Rey snorted out loud at his admission. 

 

“My mom used to always bring me to places like this, but I never felt like I belonged.I never saw the point of all this fanciness.I think that’s probably the only thing I have in common with my dad”.

 

“So why did you bring us here?” Rey asked curiously. 

 

“I wanted to treat you”, he said simply, shy adoration clouding his voice.

 

Their meal was delicious, though Rey was too drunk on Ben to really notice.After they’d finished and Ben paid the hefty bill, they got up to leave.

 

Ben looked nervous when they got in the car.

 

“So, I don’t want to scare you or anything, but I just saw Mitaka in the restaurant when we were leaving”.

 

“Who?”

 

“Mitaka.Hux’s friend.The short guy, really nervous looking.I think he was with his parents”.

 

“Shit”, Rey replied, her face blanching.

 

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t see us though”.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes”, Ben assured her.

 

The ride home was mostly quiet, though partway through, Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and laced her fingers tightly in his.A little bit of the alcohol still coursed through her veins, and it was making her feel bolder.

 

She began kissing him with vigor the second he parked the car.He seemed a little bit surprised at first, but eagerly returned her enthusiasm.The sounds of heavy breathing and the occasional quiet moan filled the car.Rey knew in her gut that this was leading somewhere new, and after a few minutes, she felt Ben’s shy hand creep from her side up until his thumb was grazing the edge of her breast.Rey broke the kiss in surprise. 

 

“Is this okay?” Ben asked nervously, removing his hand like a skittish animal.

 

“Yes”, she replied, brazenly grabbing his hand and placing it directly on her breast before diving back in to kiss him again.He squeezed it with delight, leaning slightly over her while she sat back.The angle, however, proved to be quite awkward and Ben was far too big to be able to comfortably maneuver his body in the small car.

 

Rey pulled back from the kiss, breathing heavily. 

 

“Let’s go to the boathouse”, she rasped desperately, surprised at how low her voice sounded.Ben looked back at her with wide eyes, probably gathering from the way she was speaking that she wanted to take this further than they had before.

 

Not much was said during the walk through the woods, as they briskly stepped hand in hand down the path.The air was cool and the sky was clear, giving way to the full moon which illuminated their way.

 

Rey’s heart began pounding as soon as the boathouse came into sight, and took a deep breath as they walked inside.It was dark, so Ben cracked a match and lit an old lantern that had been lying near the door.

 

Ben followed Rey up the ladder into the loft, and tentatively sat next to her on the blanket as the soft glow of the lantern illuminated his face.Ben took his suit jacket off and tossed it aside.She could tell that he was nervous too, judging from his wide eyes and his hesitation.Rey gently curled her fingers around his hand and squeezed as she leaned in to kiss him again.

 

Ben circled his hands around her back as they kissed with a renewed passion.Ben moved his mouth slowly down and gently bit at Rey’s collarbone, making her cry out softly. He began to take initiative, seeking out the zipper on the back of her dress as she let out a shuddering breath.She was afraid, but at the same time she wanted it more than anything.She stilled as he found the zipper and dragged it down at an agonizingly slow pace.Rey could hear his shaky breath as his fingers grazed the skin of her back.Ben’s nervous eyes were locked on hers the entire time.

 

Slowly, his fingers came up to her shoulders to push the straps of her dress off.He seemed too afraid to look down, not moving his intense gaze from her eyes.

 

Rey felt the cool night air nip at her chest as the dress fell away.She stared at Ben until he finally had the courage to look down.It suddenly hit Rey that she felt incredibly self conscious, and worried that her body would be disappointing to him.She brought her arms up to shyly cover herself.

 

“I’m sorry, they’re—I’m—“ she started, nervously stumbling over her words. 

 

Ben gently grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from her chest, looking at her with what seemed like awe.

 

“You’re so beautiful”, he said simply.Rey felt herself blush, though she doubted it would be visible in the soft light.No one had ever told her that before.

 

Rey leaned towards Ben and circled her arms around him again, sitting up onto her knees and meeting his lips.He tried wrapping his hands around her back, but she caught one of his wrists and placed it on her bare breast.Ben let out a low groan as his large hand covered her entire breast, and he softly squeezed it, bringing his thumb down to graze her nipple.Rey gasped and looked back up at him.She realized that Ben was still fully clothed, and decided to change that.With shaking fingers, she began undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. 

 

The feeling she got when his bare chest finally pressed up against hers was indescribable.Still sitting up on her knees, Rey had an overwhelming urge to straddle his leg and start grinding hard against him, though she refrained.Ben guided her down onto her back, and began tugging her dress completely off.Rey lifted her hips so it slid easily down her legs, leaving her clad only in her plain blue underwear.Ben looked at her like he’d just unwrapped a gift.

 

Unable to contain her desire anymore, Rey spread her legs and pulled Ben down on top of her.They exchanged messy, open-mouthed kisses before Ben started working down her neck, and through the valley between her breasts.He looked up at her, as if asking for permission, and she let out a shaky breath which gave him his answer. 

 

Rey inhaled sharply the moment his lips closed around her nipple.She hadn’t expected it to feel this _good_.She weaved her fingers through his hair, and his hand reached up to play with her other breast.Rey found herself making involuntary whimpering noises, as her hips bucked up against him.He finally lifted his head to kiss her again, shimmying himself up a bit so he could reach her mouth.

 

Ben was still fully clothed from the waist down, but after a few minutes, he began to shift his weight a little bit onto her.The second she felt his erection press up against her, she gasped and broke the kiss. 

 

“I’m sorry!”, Ben whispered, pulling away a bit.“I didn’t mean—“

 

“No”, Rey ground out shakily, pulling him back down against her.“Keep going, _please_. That feels so good”. 

 

Ben dove back on top of her, thrusting his hips more fiercely this time.Rey bucked hers up to meet him, and they quickly fell into a rhythm; his erection hitting the exact spot where she needed it.Ben’s kisses were wet and messy, and his hands were all over her breasts, her ticklish sides, her back, and her stomach.Rey was on sensory overload; all the times she’d gotten herself off didn’t compare to this.She felt herself climbing higher and higher, and she knew it was just a matter of time before she fell over the edge.

 

Rey suddenly had an overwhelming urge to feel him completely inside of her; something she’d been too nervous to think about before.But now, actually feeling him pressing against her stirred a new sense of desire within. 

 

They had gradually increased the speed of their thrusts, and finally Ben drew back, looking directly into her eyes.Seeing his intense gaze caused Rey to shatter.A cry was ripped from her throat, and she circled her legs around Ben to draw his body closer.As if he knew exactly what she wanted, his thrusts became harder and more erratic.She heard him make a loud grunting sound, as he pressed his face into the side of her neck. 

 

Finally, they stilled, both breathing heavily.Rey felt both exhausted and sated.Realization began to set in at what they’d just done, and she nervously met Ben’s gaze as he drew back to look at her.His eyes were so bright in the darkness.

 

“Did you just—“ he started.

 

“Yeah”, she breathed, shyly avoiding his eyes. 

 

“Me too”, he said quietly, a grin beginning to peek through.She looked back up at him and smirked.“That was, um… wow”.

 

“Mmmm”, Rey hummed, guiding his head to lay on her shoulder as she threaded her fingers through his hair.A wave of relaxation and sleepiness began to overtake her; she wished she could fall asleep right here with Ben in her arms.They stayed like this for several quiet minutes, when Ben finally lifted his head up.

 

“I don’t want to go”, he said sadly.

 

“Then don’t”, Rey replied with a smile.

 

“I have to.My parents will get suspicious.Plus, I need to… clean up”, he said, gesturing to his pants.“It’s kind of sticky… and uncomfortable”.

 

“Okay”, Rey replied, reaching for her dress.

 

“Are you around tomorrow?I have a surprise for you”.

 

“I work until noon, but I’m free after that”.

 

“Meet me here after you get out”.

 

Rey’s stomach bubbled with nervous excitement.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing (sort-of) smut, so I hope I did okay.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> If you've gotten this far in the story, thank you for reading and sticking with me.


	8. Touch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so nervous to post this but I hope you enjoy this awkward, emotional smutfest

_Now, I'm gonna love you_

_Till the heavens stop the rain_

_I'm gonna love you_

_Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I_

_-The Doors_

 

 

Rey tried smoothing out the wrinkled green fabric of her dress as she walked home.Her head was still swimming from what had just happened.Ben had had actually told her she was beautiful.She’d spent her entire life thinking she wasn’t attractive; she was too skinny, her chest was too small, she had too many freckles maiming her skin, even that she was unworthy of love.But Ben made her feel so cared for.Every time he looked at her, adoration poured out of his eyes. 

 

It was around 11pm, so Rey quietly opened the door so as not to disturb Rose.

 

“You’re home late”, Rose’s sly voice sounded from the other side of the room.Rey laughed.

 

“You’re  _up_  late”, she replied. 

 

“So, how was it? Rose asked, obviously trying not to let excitement shine through in her voice

 

“It was… really great”, Rey replied almost dreamily.“I’m going to turn the light on real quick”.

 

The second Rose’s eyes adjusted to the bright light, her eyes fixed on Rey.

 

“Oh my god, woman.Something tells me you two did way more than just have dinner”, Rose bubbled excitedly as Rey picked her pajamas out of her laundry basket.

 

“What?How can you tell?” a red-faced Rey asked, effectively giving herself away.

 

“Oh, I knew it!Rey, you look absolutely debauched.Your makeup is all over the place, you’re all sweaty, your hair is a mess, your mouth is all red and swollen, and you look like you’ve definitely taken that dress off at least once since you left”.

 

Rey let out a quiet laugh, rolling her eyes. She’d been caught.

 

“Did you guys, you know… go all the way?!”

 

“No”, Rey replied with a bashful smile, looking down as she sat on her bed.She looked up at Rose and bit her lip as she paused, pondering a confession.“But, we almost did, I think.He wants to meet me tomorrow, and I honestly think it might happen then”.

 

“Oh, Rey that’s so exciting!”Rose said quietly.“Promise you’ll tell me everything?”Rey looked up at her and smiled.“Are you nervous?”

 

“I mean, I guess I am a little bit, thinking about it now.But whenever we get together I’m just so comfortable with him.Plus, we only have a week and a half left before we leave for school, and we don’t know how often we’ll get to be alone with each other”.

 

“Oh Rey, I’m so happy for you”, Rose said endearingly as Rey shut off the light.She quickly changed and climbed into her bed.Rose waited a few minutes before continuing.

 

“Uh, so Rey, are you on the pill or anything?”

 

“Huh?No…” Rey replied.Then, realization set in at what Rose was trying to imply.“Oh, shit.I didn’t even think of that”. 

 

“I mean, just be careful.There’s, well, stuff you can buy to protect yourself.Or at least make sure he pulls out”.

 

“Yeah”, Rey replied, suddenly feeling a little in over her head.She’d had no mother to teach her about any of these things, and it made her feel slightly clueless.The last thing she wanted was to derail her future by accidentally becoming pregnant.She was confident, however, that Ben would be open and understanding about her concerns.

 

 

——

 

 

After work the next day, Rey dug through her drawer to try and find her best underwear.It wasn’t particularly nice, but it did match, so she figured it was nicer than anything else she owned.Rey didn’t know how to dress for whatever this ‘surprise’ may be, so she ended up going with the paisley dress that she’d worn the time he’d taught her how to swim.It was casual, but also passable in a fancy situation.

 

She didn’t put on any makeup, but she did brush out her hair and wear it loose around her shoulders.Rey excitedly skipped down the path to the boathouse.

 

Usually Ben was waiting for her on the dock, unless it was raining.So, it surprised her when he wasn’t there.She looked around, the hot midday sun beating down on her.She sat and waited for a couple of minutes, and when she saw no sign of him, she decided to check up in the loft.Could he be waiting for her there?

 

As she climbed up the rickety old ladder, she was initially disappointed that she didn’t see Ben’s large form lying on the blanket, waiting for her.However, she did see a small piece of paper, so she picked it up and read it.

 

It was a handwritten note.

 

_R,_

_Come meet me in the main hotel, room 212._

_-B_

 

The main hotel?Part of Rey felt a little skeptical… wasn’t Ben sharing a hotel room with his parents?It felt very brazen, going to his room like that.Or was it some kind of trick?

 

Rey’s nerves began to amplify as she treaded back down the path to the hotel.As she walked through the main part of the resort’s campus, she glanced around.There were people in swimsuits heading down to the lake area, people dressed nicely walking toward the dining hall, and people just standing and chatting with each other.Rey felt nervous and out of place, as much as she knew it was probably just all in her head.

 

She’d only been in the hotel once, when she went exploring with Finn just after they’d arrived at the resort.It was less than two months ago but at this point it seemed like an eternity.So much had changed in Rey’s life since then.She glanced up at the massive mid-century light fixtures that adorned the ceiling.Everything was painted in a wave of pastel pinks, blues, and greens.It all seemed slightly gaudy, but at the same time, Rey secretly felt important for having been invited to such a luxurious place.

 

She took the elevator to the second floor, and followed the signs to room 212.As she rounded the corner, she jumped out of her skin when she almost walked into someone going the other way.She looked up and met the eyes of the tall blonde who was friends with Hux.Her heart stopped for a split second, and her eyes darted around.The girl didn’t appear to recognize her, and kept walking along.Rey stood for a moment, immobilized by fear.This was so dangerous, she was going to get caught.Then rationality began to enter her mind again.She’d only met that girl once, and for all the girl knew, wherever she was going could have been work related.

 

Rey found room 212 and timidly knocked on the door, her hands shaking.She waited for a few agonizingly slow moments before the door opened.

 

“Hey”, Ben said with a gentle smile.

 

“Hi”, she replied, nervously twisting her hands.He opened the door to let her in.

 

Ben’s hotel room was huge, she noted, as she stepped inside and looked around.It had high ceilings, a sitting area, and a huge, comfortable looking bed which was a far cry from the tiny one in her cabin.The shades were partially drawn and there were candles lit around the room, creating a darkened, romantic atmosphere.Rock music was playing softly from a record player on the table.

 

“So, this is my room”, Ben said awkwardly, shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Where are your parents?” Rey asked. 

 

“They’re off visiting my uncle.He lives out in Ulster County on some hippie commune.They won’t be home until later tonight”. 

 

“Are you sure?” Rey asked.

 

“Yes.Even if they were to come home early, we have adjoining rooms.”He gestured to a door and opened it, revealing a much larger suite with a kitchenette, living room area, and massive bed.“This is their room, and I can keep this door locked”. 

 

“Wow”, Rey said, still looking around at how luxurious the room was.

 

“So, _surprise_!” Ben said, shrugging his shoulders nervously."I figured we could stay here for the day, in a cozy room with an actual bed”.His mouth curled into a bit of a nervous smile.Rey hesitated, not knowing what to say.

 

Her lack of response must have made him a little nervous.

 

“But nothing has to happen”, he added quickly.“I have no expectations, I just… want to spend time with you”.

 

“This is perfect”, she assured him, throwing her arms around him and kissing him.

 

“So, are you hungry?I figured we could order room service”.

 

“Do you even have to ask that question?”

 

 

——

 

 

Half hour later, Ben and Rey sat amongst several platters of food.Rey had opted for a huge breakfast spread, which included pastries, bagels, pancakes, eggs, and fruit.Ben laughed as Rey eyed the food, trying to figure out what to eat first. 

 

As Ben elegantly served himself a normal-sized portion, Rey piled a massive tower of food onto her plate and began scarfing it down.Ben laughed incredulously. 

 

“What?” Rey asked with her mouth full, shrugging her shoulders.“I haven’t eaten all day!”

 

“You’re acting like this is the last meal you’re going to have for days”, he snickered.

 

“Well”, she said, swallowing a huge mouthful and taking a swig of juice, “When you don’t have regular meals growing up, you learn to appreciate food so much more”. 

 

Ben stopped laughing, a hint of sadness gleaming in his eye. 

 

“I’m sorry”, she laughed.“This probably isn’t very sexy, is it”.

 

“Rey, everything you do is sexy to me”, he said with a laugh.“Even when you eat like a horse”.

 

Rey jokingly picked up a large strawberry and trying to be as sultry as possible, she slowly bit into it, locking her eyes with Ben’s.She let her lips close around it, making a loud ‘pop’ a she released it.The joke was lost on him as she saw his eyes darken and his breath hitch.Realizing she’d just changed the entire atmosphere of the room, she walked over to Ben and straddled him on his chair, winding her hands in his hair and kissing him passionately.She could still taste hints of strawberry in her mouth and she knew he could too. 

 

She could already feel him hard against her as her hips met his.She tugged at the bottom of his shirt, trying to pull it off of him and he instantly complied.She lovingly looked down at his chest, slowly running her fingers over his abs.In turn, he found the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head, leaving her clad only in her pink underwear.She saw his eyelashes flutter as his gaze drifted over her body.He’d seen her like this multiple times before, but somehow this time was different.They both knew where this was leading.

 

Rey’s fingertips moved down to Ben’s belt, trying to unbuckle it.Understanding what she was trying to do, and knowing he could do it much faster, he gently nudged her off the chair and stood her up, as he quickly shucked his belt and pants.He was wearing striped boxer shorts, and was straining what looked like almost painfully against them.Rey’s heart quickened as she saw just how huge he was. 

 

Her gaze moved up his body and back to his eyes, as she stepped over and kissed him again.She squealed with surprise as he picked her up, guiding her legs to wrap around him.With their mouths not budging from each other, he gently placed her down on the bed, his massive body covering hers.They exchanged wet, messy kisses for a few seconds, before she felt Ben’s hands try to snake around her back and fiddle with her bra.After a few futile attempts of undoing it, Rey propped herself up on her elbows and unhooked it with ease.Ben laughed quietly at his own ineptitude, but then wasted no time pulling the straps off her shoulders, tossing it carelessly onto the floor.Rey pushed her chest up against him as he dove back on top of her, chasing the wonderful feeling of closeness it gave her. 

 

His hands were all over her; they ran along her back, moving lower to grab her ass.Rey shivered as his fingertips then grazed along her stomach and sides, as he moved up and palmed her breasts.Rey kept her hands fixed mostly on his back, running her hands up and down the hard muscle there. 

 

Finally, Ben drew back and looked at her.He sat up, moving away from the cradle of her legs and sitting on his knees beside her.His finger gently ran up and down her side, causing goosebumps to form in its wake.

 

“Can I see you?” Ben asked shakily, looking pointedly at the only scrap of clothing she had left on her. 

 

Looking up at him with huge, nervous eyes, Rey nodded as she swallowed hard.Ben hesitated a moment before hooking his fingers in her underwear.She lifted her hips as he slowly dragged them down her legs. 

 

Rey had a thousand nonsensical thoughts racing through her head at that moment, and her heart was pounding out of her chest.She heard Ben let out a shaky breath as he gently nudged her thighs apart, the tips of his ears coloring a little bit as he saw her for the first time.His gaze was full of awe as his eyes darted back and forth from her eyes to between her legs.He brought his fingers down and gently stroked the skin of her inner thighs, causing her to shudder a little bit.

 

“Is this okay?” Ben asked, his voice little more than a whisper.

 

“Yeah”, she said breathily, trying not to let her voice shake like crazy.She was terrified, but also _aching_  for him.

 

Finally, after several moments of hesitation, Ben brought a finger down and drew it up through her folds. Rey inhaled sharply.

 

“You’re so wet”, he said incredulously.

 

“Is that okay?” Rey asked nervously, though the second those words poured out of her mouth, she knew her innocence was showing.If she knew one thing about sex, it was that _this_  was a completely natural, normal thing. 

 

Ben laughed.

 

“Of course it’s okay”, he said with a smile and a slightly strained voice.“It means you’re really turned on.It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen”. 

 

Though she was incredibly self conscious, she knew in her heart that he meant every word he said.

 

“Can you show me how to touch you?”Ben asked.Rey almost melted.

 

“Yeah, uh—yeah”, she said nervously.“Um, well when I do it mys—“

 

She stopped speaking and her eyes widened.She couldn’t believe those words had just slipped out of her mouth.She was _mortified_.

 

“I mean—no!I didn’t mean that!” Rey added, trying to recover.

 

“Do you think of me when you do it yourself?”  Ben asked, not missing a beat.Clearly she was the only one embarrassed by this admission.

 

“Yes”, she admitted breathily, her face likely turning the shade of a tomato. 

 

“I think of you too, when I do it”, he said sincerely, taking all shame out of what she’d just accidentally told him.She looked down and let out a shaky breath.

 

“Show me”, he repeated, his voice deeper than she’d ever heard it.

 

Rey gently grabbed Ben’s fingers in her own and brought them up to her clit, rubbing slow circles.There was something incredibly sexy about letting herself be this vulnerable in front of him.After a few seconds, she let his hand go, and he continued on his own.He kept looking up at her face to gauge her reactions.She felt her eyes rolling back in her head, and her breath was growing heavier.Ben began to experiment a little, gently dipping a finger into her opening.This was something she’d never done before by herself, and though there was a small, initial resistance, the further his finger went inside of her, the better it began to feel.

 

Finally, Ben moved himself up, kissing her while his fingers were still touching her.He slowly worked his way down her body, his mouth paying attention to both of her nipples before making his way down the soft skin of her belly.The second she felt his breath on her inner thighs, she began panting with anticipation. 

 

“Can I?” Ben asked shakily.Rey nodded, her eyes probably wide as saucers.She felt Ben’s thumbs gently part her.

 

The second his tongue was on her, Rey gasped.It was the most incredible feeling she’d ever experienced.She widened her legs as far as she could as Ben began lapping and working at her.She found herself involuntarily making breathy sounds, which seemed to fuel him even more.After a few moments, she felt a finger go inside her again, and that somehow made it feel even better.It didn’t take her long to reach her climax, as she felt herself clamping her thighs almost violently around his head.He licked her through her orgasm as she yelled out his name and clawed at the sheets.

 

After it was over, they both looked at each other wide-eyed.Ben crawled up the bed and kissed her again.She could taste herself on him, which was an unexpected turn on.She could feel him, hard as ever, pressing up against her center.

 

“I want to feel you inside me”, she whispered, her face coloring at the admission.Ben let out a sharp breath as he drew back. 

 

“Okay”, he said nervously, though she thought he said it more to himself than to her.

 

“I’m, uh, not on the pill”, she said gently.

 

“Shit, I should have been prepared for this”, he replied.“I should have bought condoms.Maybe we should wait?”

 

“Can you just like, pull out?I just want to feel you.Just this once”.

 

“Okay”, he nodded shakily.

 

He stood up and slowly lowered his underwear, keeping his eyes locked on hers the entire time.She finally took the time to let her gaze lower as she saw him completely naked for the first time.His length was even bigger than she’d anticipated, and it was red, weeping, and standing at attention.Rey silently wondered how he would even fit, swallowing thickly as he climbed over her.She must have looked nervous because he hesitated a little bit.

 

“You’re sure you want to do this?”

 

“Yes”, she breathed, finally curling her fingers around his head and bringing him down to kiss her.

 

His kisses were more careful than normal, and before long he was guiding himself to her entrance.She felt him drag himself through her wet folds, gathering moisture there as he simultaneously kissed her neck.She thought she could have another orgasm from this contact alone.Finally he found her opening and began pressing himself inside.

 

Rey was a little apprehensive; she’d heard that a girl’s first time would sting, bleed, and be otherwise unpleasant.Though it did burn slightly because of his large size, she was surprised at how easily he glided into her.After a few moments, he was completely buried inside of her, and she looked down to where they were joined, awestruck at the sight.The expression on Ben’s face was one she’d never seen before; he looked both thunderstruck and agonized at the same time.

 

Rey tried experimentally wiggling her hips and Ben’s hand shot out to still her.

 

“You need to hold still for a minute”, he warned. 

 

“Are you okay?”Rey asked worriedly.

 

“Yes”, he rasped desperately.“You feel—so fucking _good_.If you move I might… finish”.

 

“Oh”, she replied, finally understanding.

 

Ben buried his face in her neck for a few seconds, trying to ground himself.Feeling his breath on her sensitive skin, she felt her eyes roll back in her head.She wanted nothing more than to start canting her hips upwards, chasing the feeling he was giving her.She almost did, wanting to throw consequence to the wind, but ultimately decided against it.

 

“Okay”, he finally said.“I think I’m okay now”.He wiggled his hips experimentally and Rey gasped at the feeling.Finally he began thrusting into her.He was slow at first, but gently began increasing his pace, as his face grew increasingly blissed out.She leaned up to kiss him, and it was one of the sloppiest kisses they’d shared.Finally, he thrust particularly hard into her, and she whimpered, feeling herself climb higher. 

 

Hearing her make that sound must have thrown Ben over the edge, because before she knew it, he had jerked out of her, thrusting himself onto her belly as warm liquid coated her.He squeezed his eyes shut, gasping and shuddering as he finished.

 

He collapsed beside her as they both felt their heartbeats begin to slow. 

 

“Are you okay?” Ben asked finally.

 

“Yeah”, she replied with a sweet smile, reaching out and affectionately stroking his arm.“That was…” she started, unable to find appropriate words.

 

“Fucking incredible”, he finished, his hands running through his hair.

 

“Yeah”, she agreed blissfully.“It was”.

 

“Here, let me clean you up”, Ben said suddenly, bolting up from the bed and running to the bathroom.He returned with a small hand towel and gently wiped the mess from her belly.A smile began to form on his face.“Actually, I have a better idea”.

 

 

——

 

 

Feeling Ben’s arms envelop her the second she stepped under the warm spray of the shower was probably one of the most amazing things she’d ever felt.They’d just intimately become acquainted with each other’s bodies, and now no touch was off limits.They lazily washed each other, taking their time to kiss and touch every inch of skin. 

 

They finally got out after the water began to run cold.After drying off, they hopped into bed, not bothering to get dressed.Ben laid back with his arms behind his head, and Rey put her arm around him, laying her head on his muscular chest.

 

“I need to tell you something”, Ben admitted quietly after a long silence.Rey lifted her head up and looked at him, wide-eyed.She noticed that Ben had a nervous expression on his face.Rey felt her heart quicken; something was wrong.He was going to break this off with her.Or give her some sort of bad news.

 

“I—I love you”, he said finally, his face coloring as the words escaped his mouth.

 

This was not what she’d been expecting.

 

“What?” Rey asked, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

 

“I—I do”, Ben said nervously.“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I’m sorry if it’s too soon, but I didn’t want to say it until I was sure, and… I’m definitely sure now”.

 

A tear fell down Rey’s cheek and she felt a sob building in her throat.

 

“Should I not have said that?” Ben asked her nervously, brushing her tears away with his thumb.

 

“No, it’s not that”, Rey replied with a wavering voice.“It’s just that… no one has ever told me that before.Ever”.

 

Ben looked absolutely crushed at her words; he grabbed her and held her tightly, as if his grip would deflect her painful past.She felt the sobs begin to boil over as tears flowed freely from her eyes.She reciprocated the hug and wrapped her arms around him, sniffling and sputtering pathetically against him.

 

“I love you”, he said, as if making up for lost time, kissing her shoulder between each time he said it.“I love you. I love you.I love you _so_ much, Rey”.

 

She drew back, and looked at him, her voice congested from her tears.

 

“I love you too, Ben”.

 

They stayed in bed for a while, mostly talking. 

 

“How come you didn’t go with your parents to visit your uncle?” Rey asked while gently stroking his hair.

 

“Because I wanted to spend the day with you, silly”, he replied with a grin.Rey smiled against his skin.“Besides”, he added, “he and I don’t get along at all.It’s even worse with him than it is with my parents.He lives on some stupid commune where they study some eastern religion shit, and preach the whole ‘peace and love’ thing, but in reality he’s just as pretentious as the next guy.He’s a fucking asshole”.

 

“I’m sorry”, Rey said sympathetically, her fingers idly grazing his chest. 

 

“It’s fine”, he said.“I just can’t wait to get to school and be away from my family.They’re so fucking demanding all the time and it pisses me off”.

 

“At least you have a family”, Rey reminded him.

 

“I’m sorry”, he replied, putting an arm around her.“I didn’t mean to come off that way”.

 

“It’s okay”, she replied gently.“I know you feel alone, and I can relate to that”.

 

“We have each other though”, he replied, lifting her head up to kiss her.She smiled into the kiss, as a long silence overtook them.

 

“Did I tell you they tried setting me up with their friends’ daughter right after we got here?”

 

“No, you didn’t”, Rey said with a laugh.

 

“They keep saying, ‘you need to find a nice Jewish girl’, so they set me up with this psycho.She was all over me and wouldn’t leave me alone.I finally told her to get the fuck away from me after we’d gone to a dance together”.

 

“Your parents want you to be with a Jewish girl?” Rey asked, a hint of apprehension in her voice.

 

“Yeah”, he said, before realizing her meaning.“Hey, it’s okay though, you know I don’t give a shit what they think”, he added, gently grabbing her chin and angling her face to look at him. 

 

“I just want them to at least like me”, she said quietly.“I’d feel awful if they didn’t”.

 

“Trust me, they’d love you”, he replied sincerely.

 

 

——

 

 

“What’s your middle name?” Ben asked, his fingers laced tightly in hers.

 

“I don’t have one”, she replied.“At least not one I remember.I may have been born with one, but I’m not sure.What’s yours?”

 

Ben laughed a little before responding. 

 

“It’s the worst name ever”, he said, his ears coloring. 

 

“What is it?” Rey teased.

 

“Organa”, he said with a snicker, looking down.

 

Rey snorted a little.Why did that name sound familiar?

 

“It’s my mom’s last name”, he added.

 

“It is a weird name.I feel like I’ve heard it before, though”.

 

Suddenly, realization dawned on her and her eyes widened.

 

“Ben”, she asked, the color draining from her face.“What’s your mum’s first name?”

 

“Uh, Leia”, he replied, his eyes narrowing in confusion.“Why?”

 

“Oh my god”, Rey replied, sitting up and covering her mouth with her hand.She looked over at Ben, and back down again.

 

“What?What’s wrong?” Ben asked.

 

“Leia Organa is the benefactor of my scholarship.Your mum’s foundation is paying for my college education.She’s the reason why I have a fucking job here”.Rey threw her arms up and felt herself begin to panic.The stakes had just been raised so much higher.

 

“Rey”, Ben said, sitting up and grabbing her shoulders to keep her grounded.“It’s okay.Look at me.We only have a week and a half left here, no one’s going to find out about us, and then we’ll be off to our lives in the city.We don’t have to tell her about us, and if she happens to find out, we’ll just tell her we met in the city somewhere”.

 

Rey laid back against his chest and stretched her legs.She was beginning to grow a little sore from their earlier activities.

 

“I guess you’re right”, she said quietly.As long as they remained discreet, they would be fine.

 

Ben began gently stroking her back and she felt herself begin to peacefully drift off.

 

 

——

 

 

“Ben?Ben are you home?”

 

Rey lazily opened her eyes, trying to figure out in a sleepy fog, exactly where she was.She was bathed in mostly darkness, and she could hear a sharp rapping at the door.She felt a warm arm around her, and realized her head was on Ben’s chest, which was slowly rising and falling with his breath. 

 

“Ben, I’m going to unlock the door”, she heard a female voice say.  The sound was coming from the door that joined his room from his parents'.

 

 _Leia_.

 

Instantly snapping out of her haze, Rey frantically nudged Ben’s side to try and wake him up.He stirred a little and then woke with a start, his eyes gleaming in the low light.

 

“I’m coming in now, Ben”, Leia’s voice sounded.

 

“No Mom!Don’t come in!I’m—I’m naked!Just about to go in the shower!”

 

“Okay Benjamin, but hurry up.We still have time to make it to the dining hall for dinner!”

 

Rey and Ben frantically tumbled out of bed as Rey searched for her clothes, which were strewn haphazardly around the floor.Ben switched on the light and helped her collect the various items around the room.She got dressed in about ten seconds flat, and rushed to the door, looking back at Ben as an afterthought.He rushed over to her and grabbed her, kissing her fiercely.

 

“I love you”, he whispered.

 

“I love you”, she mouthed back to him, not wanting his mother to hear anything.

 

Rey silently slipped out the door and rushed down the hallway, away from the room.

 

 

 

——

 

 

Rey walked home, smoothing out her messy hair and dress.She had so many emotions running through her head, that she didn’t know what to think.Ben told her that he _loved_  her.

 

She sighed dreamily as her cabin came into view.

 

She saw Finn sitting on the steps in the darkness.He had his head in his hands.

 

“Hey, you”, she said, practically skipping down the path.He looked up at her and her happy expression melted.“What’s wrong?”

 

“Rey”, he said, heartbreak evident in his voice.He sounded like he’d been crying.Rey immediately sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulders.

 

“Hey, it’s okay”, she said, worriedly searching his face.“What happened?”Finn let out a long, shaky sigh before speaking.

 

“I just found out I got drafted”, he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Please don't take contraceptive advice from this fic. The pull out method is absolutely not effective, but according to what I've heard, young people in the 60's weren't quite so knowledgeable about these things.
> 
> 2\. I recently learned from a post on Twitter, from something Joanne Tucker (Adam Driver's wife) wrote in 2016, that they have a house in the Catskills! I thought that was so awesome.
> 
> 3\. I have a [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_). Come say hi!
> 
> 4\. Please let me know how I did with this chapter... Thank you for reading!


	9. Uncle Sam Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben helps Rey with some of her emotional pain.
> 
> Rey and Hux discover something shocking.

_Well Uncle Sam ain't no woman_

_You know he sure can take your man_

_Well, there's forty thousand in the service list_

_Doin' somethin' somewhere they just don't understand_

_-Jefferson Airplane_

 

 

 

“I just found out I got drafted”.

 

“Finn, no”, Rey said softly, her entire world deflating before her eyes.She curled her other arm around him, pulling him into a hug.Tears sprang to her eyes, though she put in her best efforts to force them back.She had to be strong for him.

 

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Rey”, he said, his voice shaky.“I have to report at the end of the week”.

 

“Finn”, she replied, pulling back to look at him.“I am so sorry”. 

 

 

 

——

 

 

 

Rey was so full of emotion from her day, that she didn’t know how to feel.Rose was working late that night, so after Finn left, she spent the night alone, lying in bed and staring at the wall.Feeling so much emotion that she was rendered numb, Rey wished more than anything that she could run back to Ben’s room and get lost in their private little cocoon that they’d shared earlier in the day.It had seemed like nothing could bother them, nothing could ruin their moment.

 

Well, until his parents showed up.What were the odds, she thought unhappily, that Leia Organa was Ben’s mother?She would have to be extra careful now.If Leia found out that Rey was dating—and now sleeping with her son, she might personally revoke Rey’s scholarship.Leia had seemed nice enough when she’d met her at the restaurant, and Ben had promised that Rey would be well-liked by his parents, but this was different.Leia and her family were very much out of Rey’s league.

 

As much as she felt like she was in over her head, Rey couldn’t help but feel her heart bursting with happiness when she thought of Ben and their day together.Ben _loved_  her.And she loved him.She’d always thought that if she ever found romance in her life, it would be trivial and unimportant, maybe a small distraction from other things in her life.She never imagined it would be this all consuming fire that would take her soul and passionately merge it with another.More importantly, she never thought she’d be perfectly comfortable with it.

 

Inevitably, Rey’s thoughts drifted back to Finn.They’d known since he turned eighteen that he’d had the potential to be drafted, but Rey never thought it would actually happen.Her mind couldn’t help but fixate on the worst case scenario.Every night on TV and the radio, they’d announce the body count - the number of soldiers killed that day in Vietnam.Now, Finn could become part of that number.Rey couldn’t imagine a world without her best friend in it.

 

She wanted to cry, but years of hearing bad news and having to be strong about it caused her to force her emotion into the recesses of her mind.She had to remain strong.Finally, she fell asleep.

 

 

——

 

 

The next morning, Rey woke up more exhausted than she’d been the night before.Her legs were incredibly sore from her previous day’s activities, and though her first thoughts as she woke up were happy ones of Ben, she quickly remembered the reality of her best friend’s situation, and inevitably her mood quickly deflated from there.

 

There were several times throughout her morning shift where she made mistakes, to the point where a guest even complained to her boss. 

 

“Rey, are you okay today?” Amilyn asked, pulling her quickly aside in the kitchen.“You seem a little distracted, honey”.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Rey replied, forcing a shaky smile onto her face.She felt the tears creeping up again, but forced them back.“I’m just tired”.

 

“Okay, well just try to focus these next few hours, and then you’ll be out of here”, Amilyn said with a sympathetic smile. 

 

 

——

 

 

As soon as her shift was over, Rey ran to the dock.As expected, Ben was waiting for her, and she’d never seen a more welcome or comforting sight in her life.

 

“Hey, beautiful”, he said with a massive smile.He stood up and walked over to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her. 

 

“I missed you so much”, she breathed desperately, returning the kiss.

 

“I missed you too”, he replied, with a bit of a surprised chuckle.“Is everything okay?”

 

“Now it is”, she replied, eagerly losing herself in his embrace.She didn’t move, so he held her for a long time.

 

“Rey”, he said.She could hear the worry in his voice, and drew back, looking into his eyes.“Tell me what’s wrong”.

 

Rey looked down and bit her lip. 

 

“Finn was drafted”, she said, looking back up at him with huge, sad eyes.Ben’s face fell, and he drew her into a crushing hug.

 

“Oh, Rey, no.I’m so sorry”, he said, weaving the fingers of one hand into her hair, the other tightly around her back.She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears begin to escape.She dug her fingers into Ben’s sides, holding onto him for dear life.

 

“He has to report for duty at the end of the week”, she said tearfully.“He’s my brother, Ben.I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.And god forbid, if something happens to him…”She trailed off, unable to say anymore through her tears. 

 

“It’s going to be okay”, he said soothingly, stroking her scalp with his fingers.“He’s going to be fine.For all we know, the war could end next week.He might not even have to go overseas”.Rey nodded against his chest as she sniffled quietly. 

 

“Let’s go upstairs”, he said quietly, gesturing to the boathouse.“We don’t have to… you know… we can just lie around and talk.Or I can just hold you”.

 

He led her inside as she wiped the tears from her face.Ben kicked his flip flops off and sprawled out on the blanket, motioning for Rey to join him.She removed her shoes, and Ben looked a little surprised as she somberly unzipped the black dress that served as her work uniform, tossing it to the side and removing her pantyhose as well.

 

“That thing is so hot and itchy”, she explained quietly, settling into his arms.He pulled the blanket up to cover her.

 

They talked idly for a little while, mostly about Finn and his friendship with Rey.Rey fondly recalled some memories of the orphanage, of the many occasions where they stood up to bullies for each other.A few times they fell into long silences.Rey was thankful for the overwhelming sense of comfort she felt being with Ben.

 

At one point Rey shifted and her shoulder hit something sharp.She reached underneath the blanket for the offending object and pulled out a little cardboard box.Upon realizing what it was, her eyes widened and she turned a bit red. It was a box of condoms. A rather _large_  box of condoms.

 

Ben looked at her and chuckled awkwardly.

 

“I drove all the way to Port Jervis this morning to get these”, he said.“I think they _should_  last us the whole week we have left here”.Rey giggled at that; there were 36 condoms in the box.

 

“It was so embarrassing though”, he continued.“They keep these behind the counter at the store so I actually had to go up and ask—“

 

Rey cut him off by climbing on top of him and silencing him with her lips.

 

“Please shut up and kiss me”, she said desperately, feeling a sudden wave of intense desire as she pressed her underwear-clad body up against his.

 

Ben’s eyes bulged out in surprise, but he immediately complied, instantly matching her passion.

 

Rey pushed him onto his back, sloppily kissing him to the point where she didn’t even breathe.She didn’t need to — Ben was like oxygen to her.If she just had this, she would survive just fine.

 

She grabbed Ben’s hand and pushed it to her breast, curling his fingers around it as she tossed her head back, flipping her loose hair out of the way.She found the hem of his t-shirt and helped him sit himself up so it could be pulled over his head as quickly and carelessly as possible. 

 

She smiled peacefully at the familiar sight of his bare abs, and she quickly ran her fingers over the hard planes of muscle as he roughly gripped her sides.He was wearing short swim trunks, and was already straining against them.She ran her hand down and began palming him over his shorts, leaning down once again to kiss him.

 

“Jesus, Rey”, he breathed, clearly surprised at her intensity.“What got into you?”

 

“I just really need you right now”, she said, though it unintentionally came out as a whimper.She rolled her hips against him and he gasped, letting his eyes roll back.

 

Rey then climbed off of him, hooking her fingers in his shorts as he lifted his hips up, allowing her to pull them down.He sprang free, and Rey let her fingers drift all the way up his legs until she reached her destination.

 

At first she just experimentally ran her fingertips up his hard shaft, trying to gauge how his skin felt, and figure out what he liked.He hissed at the contact, his eyes fixated on her.She then wrapped her hand around the smooth skin, gently moving up and down around him.

 

“Does that feel good?” Rey breathed.

 

“Yes”, he rasped.She then experimentally dipped her head down and took him in her mouth, quickly swirling her tongue around the tip.It must have taken him by surprise, judging from the way he cried out.

 

“I’m going to come real fast if you keep doing that, Rey”, he warned, gently lifting her head away.“I don’t want this to be over too soon”.

 

She got the hint and leaned back up to kiss him on the mouth, removing her bra as he opened the box of condoms.

 

Both Ben and Rey gasped when she sank down onto him.She was still a bit sore from the day before, so she took a moment to adjust to him, but once she did, she started moving her hips vigorously.

 

Unlike the previous day, where she’d been nervous and a bit shy, she now felt confident, unabashedly expressing how she felt through loud moans and gasps.And it felt good.Every so often Ben would flex a muscle in his lower abdomen that would press perfectly against her clit, causing her to see stars.And the sensation of fullness he gave her was enough to quickly bring her to the edge.Ben helped guide her hips with his large hands as she moved her hips in a steadily increasing rhythm, and his face kept contorting in what she knew was intense pleasure.

 

“Jesus, Rey, I think I’m gonna come”, he groaned after a few intense minutes.

 

“Me too”, she breathed, as she leaned down to kiss him, the peaks of her nipples scraping against his chest.She raked her fingernails under his back and began to gasp as she felt her orgasm start to overtake her.She moved desperately against him as she felt him jerk erratically, gripping her tightly to him as his climax overtook him as well.They were both vocal and loud until they both came down from their shared high.

 

“ _Fuck_ ”, he whispered, bringing a hand to his forehead to wipe the sweat away.“You are fucking amazing”.

 

“I love you”, she said with a sated smile as she lifted herself off of him.He took a minute to rid himself of the condom before he laid back down next to her, gathering her safely in his arms.

 

“I love you too”, he whispered gently into her ear.

 

 

——

 

 

Rey and Ben stayed in the boathouse until after dark.As Rey walked through the parking lot on her way home, she spotted Finn’s car drive through the lot and pull into a parking space.He must have been just getting back from his day with Poe.She ran up behind the car, sneaking along with a devilish grin on her face so she could run up to the driver’s side window and startle him.She approached the window slowly and popped up, lifting her hand so she could tap on the window.But what she saw made her stop short, frozen in place.

 

Finn was leaning over, passionately kissing someone in the passenger side.After a split second, she realized who it was.

 

_Poe_.

 

 

——

 

 

Not sure how to handle the piece of information she’d discovered, Rey had opted not to tell Rose, instead going on coyly about her afternoon encounter with Ben.She didn’t give Rose all the details, for she was still shy talking about things like this, but she told Rose enough to make her happy.They avoided talking about the subject of Finn’s impending draft service, because at this point it was too fresh and painful a subject to bring up.Rey knew Rose had been crying on and off all day about it, and she knew Rose assumed the same about her.

 

Rey had to work the lunch shift the next day, so she slept in late, got dressed, and arrived at work at 10:30.The day went well until about an hour before her shift was over, when she was assigned the last arrival for the lunch shift.She walked over to the corner table with her notepad, and felt her heart sink when she saw who was seated there.

 

_Hux and his father_.

 

As expected, Hux greeted her with a slimy grin, and his father was turned around speaking to guests at a neighboring table.He was wobbling and gesturing erratically, as if he’d perhaps been drinking.Rey grimaced internally.

 

“Hi, and welcome”, she said in a neutral, quiet voice.“Can I get you something to drink this afternoon?”Hux’s father seemed to not notice her at first, but finally turned around and mumbled something inaudible.

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Scotch on the rocks”, he slurred.He was definitely drunk, she realized, as he turned back to speak with his friends again.

 

Rey turned to Hux as she took a deep breath, morbidly wondering what terrible things he had in store for her.

 

“Where have _you_  been?” Hux asked suggestively, curling a pale hand around her arm.“I’ve missed seeing you around here”.

 

“Please keep your hands off me”, she said firmly.

 

“Don’t talk to me like that”, he hissed.“I know exactly who you are.You’re an orphan, a charity case.The only reason you even work here is because your scholarship benefactor felt sorry for you.By the way, how the fuck did YOU get awarded the Organa foundation’s scholarship?Who did you have to fuck to get it?Huh?”

 

Rey was seething.She saw red.She felt angry tears threaten her eyes, but forced them back as she snarled at Hux.

 

“I’m getting this table switched”.

 

She turned on her heel and marched away.She wondered how on earth Hux had found out all that information.Had he somehow rifled through the employee records?He likely had access to them, as his father was such an important presence here.She walked back into the kitchen, and walked to Amilyn’s office, timidly knocking on the open door.

 

“Amilyn?”

 

“Hi Rey, how are you doing today?”

 

“Um, remember that guy who was harassing me a few weeks ago?”

 

“Yeah, the soup guy?”

 

“I just got assigned his table.He said some nasty things to me”.Rey must have looked panicked, or on the verge of tears, because an expression of alarm slowly rose on Amilyn’s face.“Is there any way I can have it switched to someone else?”

 

“Of course, Rey.But can you come show me who’s bothering you?” Amilyn asked, rising from her chair and stepping out into the kitchen after Rey.They walked to the swinging door that led to the dining hall and peered through the circular window.

 

“That guy”, Rey said, pointing to the corner table.“The skinny redhead, in the corner with that older guy”.

 

Amilyn’s expression was indiscernible.

 

“Oh, that _asshole_ ”, she said under her breath.Rey shot a glance at her.“Rey, please go wait in my office.I’ll take care of this”.

 

“Wait, but—“ she started, but Amilyn had already marched through the door towards the table.Rey hadn’t wanted to cause a scene, as she knew it would likely be worse for her in the end.She just wanted to quietly be moved to a different table, and go about her day.Feeling defeated, she trotted nervously into Amilyn’s office.

 

A few minutes later Amilyn entered, with Brendol and Hux following behind her.Hux looked wildly annoyed, and Brendol seemed like he couldn’t be bothered with whatever was going on.They sat opposite Amilyn at her desk, as Rey stood nervously in the corner.

 

“Brendol!”Amilyn nearly shouted.Did Amilyn even know who he was?How powerful he was at this resort?Rey was shocked at her insolent tone towards him.

 

“ _Your son_ has been harassing my employee here”. 

 

Hux snorted, and Brendol looked over at Rey, unaffected. 

 

“And?”Brendol replied cooly.

 

“ _And_ , it’s affecting her ability to do her job, and therefore, _my_  operation”.

 

“Why the fuck is that my problem?” Brendol mumbled with a shrug.Rey wasn’t even sure he was aware of what he was saying.

 

“Well maybe if you had raised _your son_  not to be such a little asshole, we wouldn’t be having this problem, would we?You know, if you’d maybe paid a little attention to him in his life?”

 

Rey narrowed her eyes.What was going on here?

 

“He’s your fucking son, too”, Brendol slurred nonchalantly.

 

Rey’s eyes widened and she was pretty sure her jaw dropped all the way to the floor.

 

Amilyn was furious.

 

“Oh, he _is_? _Now_ he’s my son?The son you refused to let me see, or acknowledge, or take care of?I just get to look at him from afar every summer when you parade him around here right in front of me, threatening a lawsuit if I even say a word to him?Well guess what, he’s eighteen, you can’t touch me with a lawsuit now, and I think it’s time he knows the truth”.

 

As Rey collected her jaw from the floor, she looked over at Hux.Clearly he hadn’t been privy to this information either.The look of horrified shock on his face was unprecedented.He looked back and forth between Brendol and Amilyn, obviously having a difficult time processing this bombshell.

 

Rey suddenly felt like she was interrupting an intimate family discussion, so she discreetly made her way to the door and slipped out, escaping back to the kitchen.She stood against the wall for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts, before heading back out to finish up her tables.

 

She kept away from Amilyn’s office the rest of her shift, and ran to hide in the bathroom the second she saw them emerge.She tried to avoid Amilyn after that, but almost ran right into her just before her shift ended.Rey looked fearfully up into her eyes, and saw that she looked exhausted and sad.

 

“Rey, I’m sorry you had to see that.I shouldn’t have had you in there.And I’m sorry that boy has been treating you like that”.

 

“Uh, it’s okay”, she replied, trying to avoid eye contact.She finally looked up at her, meeting tear-filled eyes.Amilyn gave her a sad smile and placed a hand on her shoulder.Rey smiled back before running off.

 

Rey had a pounding headache by the time she left the restaurant.She pulled her hair out of its bun, running her hand through it when she saw Hux sitting alone on a bench.He looked dejected.She contemplated passing right by him, but then realized that he probably felt hurt and alone.She carefully approached the bench and sat next to him.He looked up at her with a pout, and then back down at his lap.She paused for several moments before she said anything.

 

“I’m sorry, Hux”, she said quietly, trying but failing to meet his eyes.“I had no idea. I know what it’s like to be without a parent.It really sucks”. 

 

She heard him sigh.She wanted to offer a comforting hand on his arm, but figured that might be too much.He finally looked up at her, his expression full of pain and confusion.He worked his jaw for a moment, before finally speaking in a low voice.

 

“You have no fucking idea what this is like.I _do_  have a parent, and I come from a very prominent family.I’m absolutely nothing like you, you fucking worthless orphan”.

 

“I’m sorry, I just—“

 

“No!” Hux barked.“None of this would have _ever_  happened if it wasn’t for you running your fucking mouth about me”.His voice grew louder and more belligerent with every word.“I’m going to get you back for this, you can trust me on that!”

 

With that, he stormed off.

 

Rey sat there, unable to speak or move, as she threw her head back in frustration.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'd like to thank the current state of my personal life for fueling the angst in this chapter.
> 
> 2\. It wasn't my original plan to make Amilyn his mother, but I was reading about Hux on Wookiepedia, and it stated that Brendol slept with a "kitchen woman" which resulted in Armitage being conceived, and I figured that would be a perfect way to introduce some angst and hostility towards Rey. Hux definitely has some complicated feelings towards her, and I don't think he knows quite how to deal with them.
> 
> 3\. I feel kind of self critical about this one, what do you guys think?
> 
> 4\. I'm on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_)... come say hi!


	10. There Are Places I'll Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the summer winds down, Rey looks back on the events of the past few months.
> 
> She and Ben make the most of their last days together.
> 
> Finn leaves.
> 
> And... Hux makes an unwelcome appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Semperfidani for making me this amazing moodboard!!

__

 

 

_Though I know I'll never lose affection_   
_For people and things that went before_   
_I know I'll often stop and think about them_   
_In my life, I love you more_

_-The Beatles_

 

 

 

“Finn”, Rey started.She had trouble looking at him without tears rushing to her eyes, but she knew she needed to be strong for his sake.He was undoubtedly terrified to go into the army, and she didn’t want his last memories of her before he left to be ones of sadness and hopelessness.

 

“I’ve been thinking.I have an idea.I mean, you have to report to the induction center and you’re going to have a medical exam, right?Where a psychologist interviews you to make sure you’re fit for the army?That’s what I heard on the radio anyways”.

 

“Yeah, I think that’s how it works”, Finn replied, nodding his head. 

 

“Well, I heard that there are certain things that can get you out of having to serve”, she said quietly. 

 

They sat together in Finn’s car after having a quiet dinner at the diner.The sun was setting, and the employee parking lot allowed a spectacular view of the purples, pinks and oranges that were beginning to paint the sky like a work of art.

 

“What do you mean?” Finn asked, his voice dropping in volume.

 

“Well”, Rey began, beginning to feel unsure of herself.“You know, they won’t take you if you don’t fit their criteria… like for example, if you have diabetes, or…”, she trailed off.

 

“Or what?”Finn asked, looking up at her.

 

“If you, uh, live certain lifestyles”, Rey blurted out, feeling her cheeks heat up.

 

“I don’t think I follow”, Finn replied.Rey sighed; he wasn’t going to make this easy for her.

 

“They don’t take… you know.Men who, uh, who have relationships with other men”. 

 

Finn sighed heavily.

 

“Why would I tell them that?”His voice was almost a whisper.

 

Rey looked up at him with sympathetic eyes, and saw that he had a terrified look on his face that she’d never seen in all the years that she’d known him.

 

“I… know about you and Poe”, she said gently, lowering her eyes in fear of his reaction.

 

She was worried he’d become angry.That he’d accuse her of spying on a private moment. 

 

Instead, his reaction was a lot softer.

 

“Is it that obvious?”Finn asked, seemingly too afraid to meet her eyes. 

 

“To me it is”, she said quietly.“Probably not to people who don’t know you well”.She put a reassuring hand on his arm.“It’s okay, Finn”.

 

Finally, Finn met her eyes.He looked so _afraid_.

 

“I can’t tell them, Rey.I just can’t”.

 

“But—“

 

“Rey.No.I’d rather go off to war than have everyone know”.

 

With that, Finn affectionately rubbed her arm and got out of the car.Rey remained for a few minutes, unable to move as the ethereal orange glow of the sunset overtook the car.Feeling helpless, she wrapped her arms around herself and started to cry. 

 

 

 

——

 

As Rey walked back to her cabin, she had an odd sense that someone was following her.She looked behind her and couldn’t see anyone in the dark, but after Hux’s threat, she felt like she couldn’t be too cautious.Her heart quickened as she passed by the concert hall.She heard theatrical-sounding music coming from the building, so she ducked into the back door to catch a few minutes of the performance and hopefully calm her nerves. 

 

She remembered back to the time when she’d snuck into the dance, back before she’d ever even talked to Ben.She’d stood in the same dark hallway, peering into the hall.It was adorned with the same, space-age mid century modern decorations, with starbursts hanging from the ceiling and glittery Sputnik lights everywhere. 

 

A large sign hung on the back of the stage that said “END OF SUMMER TALENT SHOW”.On stage, a teenage girl was singing a mediocre rendition of Bye Bye Birdie.After the girl finished and the audience politely clapped, a few girls who couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old took the stage, performing a very unpolished dance in tiny ballerina outfits.The audience cooed at how cute the little girls were, and Rey found herself smiling as she leaned against the doorway.She scanned the audience and was surprised to see Ben, seated at a table near the side of the auditorium, with his parents.He had already spotted her, and was watching her with a sly grin.She wondered how long he’d been looking over at her, returning his smile and giggling a little to herself. 

 

After the ballet dance ended, Admiral Ackbar walked onstage.He was the director of the resort, having inherited it from his parents before him.He was an older man with dark, leathery skin, liver spots, and big, bulbous eyes.Rey and Rose always joked that he kind of looked like a fish.Rey had once asked Rose why people called him ‘Admiral’, and she responded that he’d been some sort of naval war hero during WWII. 

 

Ackbar always seemed kind, often walking the grounds of the resort and engaging with guests and employees alike.He’d offered Rey a warm ‘hello’ in passing on several occasions.

 

Akbar was wearing a white suit, which seemed to glow under the harsh stage lights.He proceeded to give a heartfelt speech in his gruff voice, thanking both the guests and employees for another wonderful summer at the Alderaan.Rey smiled as she thought about how magical the summer had really been for her.She’d made a solid group of friends, had some amazing experiences, and most importantly, she’d found love.After listening to his speech, Rey walked home, still slightly cautious, but the nervous feeling from earlier had fortunately dissipated.

 

 

——

 

 

 

Rey spent the majority of the next couple of days at the dock with Ben, savoring the last morsels of summer. 

 

They’d made it somewhat of an unspoken challenge to use up all the condoms Ben had bought before their time at the resort was up, eagerly losing themselves in each other multiple times a day.They tried it in all different ways, too.Sometimes, Rey would straddle him, canting her hips against his as he writhed beneath her.Sometimes, when she shook with need, she would get on her knees and he would enter her from behind, reaching around to touch her as he buried himself so deeply inside of her.Sometimes she would lie underneath him, as he drove her crazy with his touches as he thrust into her.His hands would tangle roughly through her hair, trailing down her ticklish sides, down her legs, and even over the soles of her feet, as she moaned and gasped beneath him.Sometimes they’d make each other orgasm with just their mouths, becoming experts in reading what drove each other crazy. 

 

Rey’s favorite position, though, was when they’d both sit upright, facing each other, and she would lower herself onto him, curling her legs tightly around his back.The angle wasn’t quite as deep, and Rey could do little more than wiggle her hips as she kept him completely inside of her the entire time, but they spent the whole time kissing, holding each other close, and gazing into each others’ eyes.It was incredibly intense and loving, and they both got off every single time.

 

They often talked about their plans once they returned to the city.One day, after a particularly exhausting lovemaking session, they began venturing into the topic of their long-term future together. 

 

Fall was definitely on its way, as they felt the need to cover their naked, sweaty bodies with part of the large blanket they were lying on.Rey relaxed into the cradle of Ben’s arms, basking in the warmth his body provided her.She tangled her feet with his, and planted sweet, lazy kisses on his chest.She never stopped marveling at how soft his skin was, despite the hard muscle underneath.They had exactly eight days left at the resort, so Rey made it a point to appreciate these lazy moments while she still could.

 

“I keep wondering what it would be like to fall asleep together at night and wake up to you in the morning”, she said quietly.

 

“Someday we’ll have that”, Ben replied, affectionately stroking her hair.

 

“Yeah?” Rey asked lazily.

 

“Of course.We’ll have our own apartment in the city; we won’t have to sneak around or worry about anyone seeing us.We’ll have our own space, and our own bed”.

 

“And we’ll can sleep like this every night”.

 

“We’ll have our own kitchen, I’ll cook for you”.

 

“You can cook?”Rey asked dreamily.“Oh, you _know_  food is the way to my heart”, she joked.“Will you teach me how?”

 

“Of course.And I’ll take you out in the city, we can go to all the restaurants you want, and see all the shows you want.You’ll be so spoiled”.He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead.

 

“There can be days where we spend _all_  day in bed”.

 

“I like the sound of that”.

 

“We can come here during the summers”, Rey said, continuing the fantasy.“We’ll have our own fancy room at the hotel.Maybe sneak out here for old time’s sake”.

 

“We can bring our kids here”, Ben blurted out.Rey saw his eyes widen as she lifted her head to look at him.

 

“I mean”, he recovered nervously, “if you want that.In the very, very distant future”.

 

Rey had honestly never thought about kids in her future.She had constantly been under the impression that she wasn’t good enough for a family, always just assuming she’d remain alone.She was surprised at herself for feeling an intense warmth in her heart when Ben mentioned kids. 

 

Maybe they’d have a daughter.Rey decided at that moment that she’d quite like to have a daughter.A picture came into her head of what she may look like.She’d be a perfect, adorable mix of her parents, with Rey’s hazel eyes and soft freckles, and Ben’s raven hair and pale skin.Rey would spoil her, giving her everything she didn’t have growing up, including endless amounts of love.

 

“Yeah.We’ll bring our kids here”, Rey finally replied, a soft grin overtaking her face.

 

Ben smiled bashfully as he buried his face in her hair.

 

“I love you”.

 

 

——

 

 

Finn left the next day, on Saturday.Rey, Rose, and a few other coworkers took him out to breakfast at the diner before he drove back into the city to the army induction center.The group tried maintaining a jovial mood, but Rey couldn’t help but feel a deep somberness undermining everything. 

 

Everyone said their tearful goodbyes after Finn had packed up his car.Even Amilyn had made it a point to come out and bid him farewell, drawing her employee into a tight hug before turning away to hide her tears. 

 

Eventually everyone had left, besides Rose and Rey.Rose had finally made peace with the fact that a romance would never happen between her and Finn, so she’d settled comfortably into the role of friend.Even so, she sobbed pathetically as she hugged Finn goodbye.

 

“Please make sure you come back to us”, she whimpered.“And please write to me.I’m going to be worrying myself sick until I hear from you”.

 

“I’ll write as often as I can”, he promised, rubbing her back soothingly.“And I promise I’ll come back.I just hope I can be back in time for next summer so we can come back here”.

 

Rey had remained strong throughout the entire day, but it was his words about the prospect of coming back to the resort next summer that finally caused her to break down.Tears quickly filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she tried to discreetly wipe them away.Her mouth contorted in an attempt to try to force her emotions back, but it was futile.Finn saw her struggling and extended his arm so she could join the hug.Rey rushed to her friends, nearly knocking them over, finally bursting properly into tears. 

 

“It’s okay, Rey”, Finn said, stroking her hair.She felt Rose’s arm curl tightly around her back as she became fully immersed in their group hug.

 

“I should be saying that to you”, she laughed tearfully, though nothing about the situation was funny.The three friends remained locked together in silence for what seemed like several minutes.Finally, Finn pulled back.

 

“I need to go, guys”, he said. 

 

Rey nodded through her tears.Her face hurt.Her eyes hurt.Most of all, her heart hurt.Finn gave them each one last pained hug, then got in his car and drove away.Rey swore she saw tears in his eyes as he did so.

 

She and Rose stood there somberly, tears streaming down their faces, as they watched his car make its way down the driveway and onto the road. 

 

 

——

 

 

Rey and Rose spent the rest of the day together, acting as support for each other as they got through what had proven to be a very difficult, emotional day.

 

They took a walk through the woods together, ate a quiet dinner in the employee mess hall together, and spent the evening in their cabin, organizing and cleaning in advance to help make move-out day easier.Rey was so thankful for Rose; she was her only female friend and she was immensely grateful to have gained someone who she could trust and confide in.

 

“You’ll have to come visit me at my family’s restaurant.I don’t know if you like Vietnamese food, but anything we eat will be on the house”.

 

“Never tried Vietnamese, but you _know_  I like pretty much everything”, Rey laughed.

 

“Well I have classes at CUNY on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I usually work at the restaurant on the other days, but give me a call a few days in advance and I can probably get a night off.You’re just a quick subway ride away”.

 

“It just sucks that this is all ending”, Rey said sadly, sitting down at the edge of her bed.

 

“Yeah”, Rose replied.“Are you nervous about moving into a dorm?”

 

“Sort of, I’ll have a new roommate.What if we don’t get along?”

 

“Rey, you’re so sweet and you have such a big heart.Unless your roommate is the Wicked Witch of the West, you’ll have no problem getting along with her”.Rose walked over and sat down next to her, lying her head on Rey’s shoulder and affectionately wrapping her arms around her friend. 

 

“Just make sure you don’t like her more than you like me”, she joked quietly.

 

“Of course I won’t”, Rey replied with a laugh.“You’ve been the best roommate that I could have ever asked for.And I honestly didn’t expect to make such a good friend when I arrived here.I wish you were going to my school so we could live together there.You’ve raised my standards for a roommate to an impossibly high degree”, she added with a giggle.

 

“Are you still going to meet up with Ben when you get to school?”

 

“Of course.That’s honestly the aspect of the summer ending that I’m most worried about.I won’t get to see him every day”.

 

“Well, at least he’s in the same city as you, and he’s not going to school in another state or anything like that”.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”.

 

 

——

 

 

The next day brought the stifling heat back.Rey could tell there would be a spectacular thunderstorm later, but she and Ben had planned to spend all day out here together, as this was Rey’s last full day off before a long five-day stretch of work, which was followed by move-out day. 

 

Rey swore she heard a stick crackle behind her as she walked through the woods towards the dock, so she stopped and looked behind her.She didn’t see anything but the glittery sunlight making shadows as it shone through the trees. 

 

“Hello?”Rey called out, just to be safe.As expected, she was met with no response.She’d seen plenty of squirrels and rabbits in these woods, so she rolled her eyes at herself for feeling so paranoid.

 

Ben was waiting for her at the dock.He stood up and greeted her with a big hug, capturing her lips in a sweet, prolonged kiss, as she affectionately ran her hands up and down his back.

 

“It’s really hot, do you wanna go swimming?” Ben asked. 

 

“Um, sure, I guess so”, Rey replied.She was wearing a sleeveless coral dress, having opted for something that would keep her as cool as possible. 

 

Ben quickly stripped off his shirt and jumped into the water.Rey shyly looked around to make sure no one was watching her, and quickly slid the dress off, leaving her in her bra and panties.She wrapped her arms around herself and waded into the shallow water. 

 

“Remember the first time we did this?” Ben asked with a smirk.He brought a muscular arm up to push his soaking wet hair out of his face.“It was basically the first time we met, and within an hour you’d stripped down to almost nothing in front of me”. 

 

Rey laughed.

 

“I guess I just had a feeling about you”, she replied, giving him a flirty smile.She waded out to her waist to meet him.

 

Ben ghosted his fingertips over her arms, raising goosebumps in their wake. 

 

“I don’t know if you could tell, but I was trying to hide the biggest hard-on of my life when I was teaching you how to swim”. 

 

Rey burst out laughing.

 

“Yeah?Well, I had to go home and… take care of things”, she giggled, following Ben into deeper waters.

 

“Oh, me too”.

 

Rey was now submerged to her chest, and Ben turned around and started swimming, pulling Rey along with him.She squealed with both fear and delight.

 

Rey eventually climbed onto Ben’s back, holding onto him tightly as he brought her further into the water than she’d ever been before.Eventually they made their way over to the dock, where Rey was in neck deep water, but was able to grab onto the dock to ground herself.

 

Ben suddenly looked at her with darkened eyes, and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a searing kiss.Rey pressed her body up against his, planting messy kisses on his face, neck and shoulders as he worked at unfastening her bra.Eventually she pulled back and it fell away, so she grabbed it and threw it onto the dock.She cupped Ben under the water, and once she felt how hard he was, she tried to work his shorts down.He assisted, and once they were completely off, he threw them onto the dock as well.Her panties were next, and his hands were on her the second they were completely off. 

 

“I’m going to miss this so much”, he breathed, sucking a spot into her collarbone as he held her.Rey groaned in response.

 

“Ben”, she whimpered, her voice laced with desire.She groaned and buried her face in his neck as his cock brushed right against her clit. 

 

“I don’t think the angle will really work here, in the water”, he said with a low laugh.Rey groaned, as he began to work his fingers against her. 

 

They ended up getting each other off in the water.Rey gripped Ben in her hand, stroking him roughly as the water swirled and splashed around them.She ground herself against his leg, bringing herself to her own orgasm in the process.They both came with strained cries, holding each other tightly.

 

Afterwards, they got out of the water and sat on the dock, letting the sun dry them.Rey knew Rose was at work for the afternoon, so there was no one to interrupt them.Finally, Ben put his shorts on and Rey slid back into her dress, forgoing both her bra and panties.

 

They laid on the dock for a long time, holding hands, talking, and letting the bright sun consume them.It was hot, but Rey ended up twisting her body into his, lying against him and stroking his bare chest.

 

Feeling Ben’s skin under hers began to stoke her appetite again.She began planting wet kisses along his side and up around his nipples, and she noticed that he began breathing more heavily.Her hand trailed down and she felt that he was already hard again.

 

Rey hoisted herself up, so she was straddling him, and her bare center was grinding against his erection.His eyes widened every time she canted her hips, and she began tugging his shorts down again.

 

“Rey, we’re outside”, he said, his tone bewildered at her boldness.“Don’t you want to go in the boathouse?”

 

“No”, she replied, her voice impossibly low.“I want you right here”.There was something about being out in the open that made it dangerously exciting.

 

“Okay, but let me just—“, he said, reaching for his shorts.He got out his wallet and pulled out a condom.Rey snorted.

 

“Never knew where we might need one”, he explained, shrugging his shoulders as he shucked his shorts and rolled the condom on.

 

Rey resumed her position on top of him and sunk herself down.She and Ben both groaned at the shared feeling.

 

“I’ll never get sick of this”, Ben rasped, roughly grasping her hips.

 

“Me either; you feel so good”, she replied.

 

Ben pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders, pulling the bodice down so her breasts were exposed to him.She whimpered as he started playing with her nipples. 

 

Rey began grinding her hips more fiercely down on him, splaying her hands out on the dock to give her more leverage.Ben was at her mercy, lying beneath her as his eyes rolled back in his head.

 

“I love you so much”, she moaned.He looked helplessly up at her.

 

“I love you too”, he replied.“More than you know”.

 

Ben then hoisted himself up on his elbows, matching her vigorous rhythm as they looked desperately into each others’ eyes.He planted his hand out beside him, sitting up and wrapping his bare hands around her back, meeting her thrusts with his own hips.She could feel herself climbing higher and higher; it wasn’t long until she would reach her climax.

 

Then, he stopped dead.

 

Rey blissfully kept moving, chasing her pleasure, but Ben put a solid hand on her side to still her.He drew back to look at her, an expression of pure horror on his face.

 

“What’s wrong?”Rey asked, her eyes darting everywhere on his face, trying to figure out what had happened.

 

“Rey”, he said in a low voice.“Don’t turn around.Please, don’t turn around”.

 

She was confused for a split second, until she heard a sound behind her.Her eyes widened in understanding.Going against his wishes, she slowly turned her head, while dread filled her stomach like liquefied lead.

 

She wished she hadn’t turned around.

 

Standing on the dock behind them were three people.

 

Hux was standing in the middle.He had his arms crossed triumphantly, with a horribly sly grin on his face that made Rey feel positively violated.

 

Standing next to him was Leia, who kept her eyes pointedly averted from the uncomfortable scene in front of her.

 

And on the other side of Hux stood Admiral Ackbar, the director of the resort, whose eyebrows had raised up so high that they were barely a part of his face anymore.

 

Rey turned back towards Ben.

 

“No, no no no no no, _please, no_ ".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.


	11. Motherless Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is forced to face Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make this chapter much longer, but I was really eager to update this so I broke it up a little. Hopefully more will be finished by the end of the week.

 

_Sometimes I feel_

_Like a motherless child_

_A long way from home_

_-Richie Havens_

 

 

 

“See?I told you”, Hux said dramatically.“What if a child wandered out here and saw this? Could you even imagine?”Rey wanted to roll her eyes at how much he sounded like he actually cared if that happened.

She was frozen in a very awkward position, not wanting to move or turn her body, due to the fact that she and her dress were the only things covering Ben’s stark nakedness, and the fact that he was still buried inside of her.She turned her head again and saw Hux smirk gleefully at her.She felt so violated, and couldn’t believe that he had not only intruded on such an intimate moment, but that he had purposely exposed it to the two worst possible people. And he had the audacity to  _laugh_  about it.

 

“Okay, Armitage”, Rey heard Ackbar’s gruff voice say.“You can go now”.

 

“But—“, Hux started.Rey stewed at his whiny reaction.He _wanted_  to be here to witness the fallout.He obviously found some sick pleasure in it.

 

“Armitage", Ackbar interrupted.  "You’ve successfully stripped these two of their dignity, so please go.I promise you, we’ll handle it from here”.Ackbar almost seemed angry with Hux.

 

Hux pursed his lips in annoyance and stormed off, but not before he looked Rey directly in the eyes and smiled sickly at her.She shuddered.

 

“Rey”, Ackbar said.She braced herself for what was to come.“Please compose yourself and meet me in my office in 20 minutes.You’ll be having a meeting with Ms. Organa and I”.All she could do was nod in silent agreement, unable to even meet his eyes.

 

“Ben”, she heard Leia say curtly.She looked over and saw that Leia still kept her eyes trained off to the side, refusing to look at what was in front of her.“Go wait in your room until I’m done.You and I will be having a much needed talk”. 

 

Ben’s hands had been gripping Rey’s arms this entire time, but when Leia spoke those words to him, she felt him tense up and squeeze her skin tightly. 

 

“20 minutes, Rey”, Ackbar reminded her before he and Leia walked away. 

 

Rey let out a massive breath she’d been holding the second they were out of sight.She lifted herself off of Ben as she began to hyperventilate.She had so many things running through her head that she didn’t even know what to think.She pulled her dress back up around her shoulders and sat down again.

 

“I’m going to lose my scholarship”, she said quietly, sitting cross-legged on the dock as she wrapped her arms around herself and slowly started rocking back and forth.“I’m going to lose my scholarship.Everything I’ve ever worked for.It’s all going to be gone, just like that”.

 

“Rey”, Ben said, placing a reassuring hand on her arm.She looked up at him, almost bewildered at what was happening.She was trembling so badly that she felt like she wasn’t even in her own body anymore.

 

After Ben quickly put his shorts back on, he sat down and wrapped his strong arms around her.Rey grabbed onto his arms with her hands, the full extent of what was happening finally hitting her, as she started to cry.How could Hux be so cruel?He had stooped lower than she had even thought possible, violating both Ben and Rey in the name of some sick form of revenge. _I must deserve this_ , she thought.In the back of her mind she still maintained that she wasn’t worthy of happiness, so the second she started to find it, it seemed only natural that something like this would happen.Rey began to sob heavily in Ben’s arms.

 

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay”, Ben soothed, petting her hair.“We still have each other, if that’s worth anything.No matter what happens, I’m still going to be here, and I’m still going to love you”.

 

“I love you”, she wailed.

 

“I love you too.Come find me after your meeting, okay?Meet me back here and we’ll figure out what we’re going to do.We’re in this together”.

 

“Don’t you have to talk with your mom?”Rey asked, sniffling.

 

“No. Fuck that”.

 

 

 

——

 

 

 

 

Rey stepped into Ackbar’s office shaking like a leaf.She knew her eyes were still red and her face tear-stained, but she attempted to compose herself as much as possible.As she walked into the dark wood-paneled office, she looked between Leia and Ackbar with fearful eyes as they both watched her, stone-faced.

 

“Have a seat, Rey”, Ackbar said, his tone indiscernible.Rey silently complied, modestly crossing her ankles and folding her hands in her lap. 

 

Rey didn’t think her heart had ever beat this fast in her life, and the three sat in an uncomfortable silence for far longer than Rey thought necessary.It gave her more time to worry about the attack that was inevitably coming to her.Finally, Ackbar spoke.

 

“Rey, are you aware of the contract you signed when you began your employment with us?”Rey looked from Ackbar to Leia, her eyes wide.

 

“Y—Yes”, she said demurely.

 

“The one that states, among other things, that you are to maintain a strictly professional relationship with guests at all times?”

 

Rey looked down.There was nothing she could even attempt to say to explain herself.She’d done something terribly wrong and she knew it. 

 

Ackbar continued.

 

“Not only have you violated the rules of your employment, but you’ve… engaged in activities with the son of one of this resort’s major donors.You should be ashamed of yourself, and I’ll hope you’ll apologize to Ms. Organa.Like Hux said, what if _children_  had wandered out there and seen you?Such gross lewdness is absolutely not acceptable at our resort.

 

Rey looked down; she felt so humiliated.

 

“Please be aware that we can no longer keep you employed here at the resort.I know there are only a few days left of the summer, but I’ll expect you to be packed and gone by the end of the day”.

 

Rey felt tears flood her eyes; she tried to force them back.She couldn’t meet Ackbar or Leia’s eyes.Her jaw was clenched so tightly that she thought her teeth might break.

 

“I also understand that you happen to be the recipient of Ms. Organa’s scholarship, so I imagine she’d like to have a talk with you as well.I’m going to let her deal with that in whatever way she sees fit.Excuse me”.

 

Rey looked up as Ackbar stood and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

 

She was now left alone with Leia.Ben’s mother.Who had just walked in on her having passionate sex outdoors with her son. 

 

Rey was so mentally exhausted that all she could do was sit and stare at her lap.

 

Leia stood up from her seat behind Ackbar’s desk and sat down in the chair beside her.Still unable to meet her eyes, Rey looked over and stared at Leia’s knees.Her petite hands were clasped elegantly in her lap.

 

She wore a long-sleeved, royal blue dress, with very expensive looking, glittery rings adorning her fingers.Rey stared at them until Leia finally spoke.

 

“Sweetie”, she started, “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t save your job”.

 

Startled at her words, Rey finally looked up and met her eyes.They felt so heavy as she looked up at Leia, it felt like invisible fingers were pulling them down.

 

Leia looked unexpectedly sympathetic.She even offered Rey a half-smile.

 

“Ackbar runs a tight ship.He’s a stickler for rules, but fortunately the summer’s almost over so you’re only going to miss out on a few days of work”.

 

Finally, Rey found enough courage to speak.

 

“I’m losing the scholarship, aren’t I”, she said, her tone completely exhausted and defeated.

 

“What?Oh, honey, no.You earned that.You worked so hard for it”.

 

Rey’s eyes widened; she was bewildered.

 

“What?”

 

“I’d have to be a really cruel person to take that away from you.I know what it means to you, and I know you’ve worked your entire life for this opportunity.

 

Rey’s eyes filled with tears; she tried not to allow them to spill over.

 

“I don’t deserve it”, she said softly, her voice shaking a little.

 

“Rey”, Leia replied, placing a gentle hand on her arm.“Don’t be silly.You deserve every bit of this.I know what kind of situation you come from, and now that I’ve spoken to you a few times, I know you’re so bright and positive and just so… contagiously charismatic.You absolutely deserve this, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”.

 

With that, Rey felt her tears spill over.She squeezed her eyes shut and shielded her face with her hand, trying to hide her emotions from Leia. 

 

“Just because you made a little misstep”, she continued, “doesn’t mean it should derail your entire future”.Leia rubbed Rey’s arm affectionately as she tried not to break down sobbing in front of her wealthy benefactor.

 

“And this is off the record”, Leia said, her voice growing a bit quieter, “but I see how happy you’ve made my son”. 

 

Rey looked up at Leia, her eyes wide.Leia’s warm brown eyes looked gently back at her, and she held a soft smile on her face.

 

“I’m not going to lie, Ben and I have never been close.We’ve never understood each other, and we just don’t get along a great deal of the time.I blame myself for that.I haven’t been there for him the way I’ve wanted to.I’m not proud of it; I’ve definitely made a lot of mistakes as a mother.He’s always been such a sad, angry boy and I never knew how to deal with it.But over the past few weeks I’ve just noticed this dramatic change in his behavior.He hasn’t picked fights with Han or I.He’s been more engaging with us.He’s even been _smiling_ ”.Leia shrugged.“Now I guess I know why”.She gave Rey a warm smile.

 

“All I’ve ever wanted was for my son to be happy.And I’m delighted that he’s found such a wonderful, vibrant, beautiful girl to love”.

 

Rey hiccuped as she tried to force down a sob.

 

“But I’m not good enough for him”, she choked out.“You and your family, you’re just…”, she started, not quite sure of how to finish.“And I’m… me.I come from nothing.I’m nothing”.

 

“Oh, honey”, Leia said warmly.“Don’t be silly.First of all, you’re _not_  nothing.Look at everything you’ve accomplished.And if you’re worried about my approval, stop.I married an orphan who came from ‘nothing’.Han literally grew up on the streets, and was making a living from drag racing when I met him.So please don’t talk to me about coming from nothing. 

 

Rey couldn’t contain her emotions anymore.She felt heavy sobs build in her chest as tears streamed down her face.She placed her palms over her eyes, trying to hide from Leia in embarrassment.Leia, in turn, rushed over and wrapped Rey in a strong hug, despite her tiny size.Rey removed her hands from her eyes and circled her arms around Leia’s back, finally letting go of her emotions.Tears flooded out of her, and she allowed herself to fully cry.She felt a huge wave of relief, and she also found in Leia’s embrace something she’d craved for her entire life: a mother’s affection.

 

They stayed like that for a long time.Finally, Rey wore herself out and she drew back, sniffling as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.She’d had such an exhausting release of emotion, she felt like she could sleep for a thousand years. 

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that, on the dock”, Rey said finally, looking down.

 

“Honey, if I had known exactly what that boy was bringing us out there to see, I absolutely wouldn’t have followed him.He’s a spoiled little prick, please pardon my French, who clearly gets off on making other people squirm.Trust me, the last thing I ever wanted to see was my son doing… that”.Leia’s face contorted.“Not to mention, it was such an awful invasion of privacy for the two of you.As long as you two are being safe and you care about each other, I—“

 

“Yeah”, Rey replied, not needing her to finish whatever she was going to say. 

 

Leia smiled, knowing she didn’t need to continue.

 

A silence fell over them, as Rey tried to regain her composure.

 

“Do you have anywhere to stay until you’re able to move into the dorm?”Leia asked gently.

 

Rey looked up at her.She hadn’t even had a chance to think about that until now.She shook her head.

 

“I can make some calls, and can probably arrange it so you can move in tomorrow.You don’t have anyone to stay with tonight?If not, I can put you up in a hotel”.

 

Rey didn’t want Leia to keep offering her charity, so she came up with an idea.

 

“I might be able to find someone to stay with tonight”, she replied.Finn had gave her Poe’s phone number before he’d left, in case of emergencies.She could try calling him.

 

“Let me know”, Leia said, placing her hand gently on Rey’s.“It’s really no trouble at all”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying.
> 
> no joke though. I actually really made myself tear up trying to get into Rey's mindset here. 
> 
> If anyone is interested in seeing pictures of some of the resorts the setting of this story is based on, go [here](https://www.obsev.com/galleries/abandoned-resorts-then-and-now/634339). It shows photos of what each location used to look like back then, and what it looks like now. The now pictures are actually really creepy, as the places are all abandoned and have fallen into disrepair. 
> 
> Also, [here's](https://repository.library.northeastern.edu/files/neu:m039z096t/page/1) a photo of the place that inspired the dinner theater hall, where they had the dance, and the talent show. It's called the Stardust Room at the Nevele Grand Resort in Ellenville, NY, and the mid-century modern decor here just makes my soul so happy. I actually snuck in there a few years ago, in all its abandoned glory, and it doesn't look much different, just way spookier!
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_). Come say hi!


	12. Fortunate Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is forced to question everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kids, this is a dark one.
> 
> Just to make you aware, this chapter has a small scene of violence between two male characters. I tried to handle it as delicately as possible, but it's in there, just in case anyone wants to avoid it.

_Some folks inherit star spangled eyes_  
_Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord_  
_And when you ask them, "How much should we give?"_  
_Ooh, they only answer "More! More! More_

_-Creedence Clearwater Revival_

 

Rey walked back to the dock with heavy eyes and mixed emotions.She’d been humiliated, robbed of her privacy and dignity, and worst of all, sacked from a job and a life that she loved.Her once wonderful summer was coming to an unexpected, abrupt end. 

 

On a somewhat positive note, she hadn’t lost her scholarship.No, she’d even bonded with Ben’s mother in an unexpectedly sweet and caring moment.Not only had Leia shown enough compassion to not revoke her scholarship, but she’d actually listened to Rey.She’d praised her, and consoled her as she cried.And most importantly, she’d expressed to Rey that she thought very highly of her.Leia had given her approval of her relationship with Ben, even despite everything that had happened.Rey’s heart warmed at the memory of their conversation. 

 

After everything that had happened, she realized the only thing she wanted right now was Ben.She needed to see him, needed to feel lost in his embrace.Maybe, she thought, Ben could drive her back to the city.Maybe she would actually take Leia up on her offer, and Ben could stay with her in a hotel for the night.She didn’t even necessarily want to have sex; she would be perfectly content with just lying quietly in bed with him, safe in his arms, shutting the world and her emotional day out of her mind just for one night. 

 

Rey made her way out to the dock, hoping Ben was still out there, as he’d promised.As the clearing came into view through the trees, she saw Ben’s tall form standing on the dock.But, he wasn’t alone.She could hear that he was talking to someone.As she crept closer, her stomach dropped as she realized it was Hux. 

 

Rey snuck closer, peering from behind one of the trees as she listened in on what was happening.It was clear from both his voice and his body language that Ben was furious.He spoke in a low, menacing tone and she had trouble making out what he was saying.Hux smiled at him and said something that clearly provoked him, and she saw his entire demeanor change.She could see his anger level multiply before her eyes, as he charged towards Hux and started screaming.

 

“She’s going to lose her _fucking_ scholarship because of you!Do you realize how hard she’s worked for that?I told you to fucking stay _away_  from her!”Ben began shoving Hux.Rey’s heart began pounding as she watched the scene escalate. 

 

Hux had the audacity to smile and continue taunting Ben.Rey honestly wasn’t surprised at this, but she knew right off the bat that Hux was treading very dangerous water.

 

“Look at you, Solo.You’ve gone soft, over a girl.Don’t tell me you’re actually in love with her.With a piece of trash, no less”.

 

Ben’s expression became absolutely _murderous_.

 

Rey saw it as if it was happening in slow motion.She watched Ben wind up his arm behind his back, and sock Hux right in the jaw.Hux fell to the ground and began trying to get himself back up, but Ben was on top of him in an instant, punching him relentlessly. 

 

Rey knew at that moment that she needed to intervene.

“Ben!”Rey screamed.“Ben, _stop_!”He was going to kill Hux if he kept up like that.Ben wasn’t listening to her; he had clearly let his anger take over.Rey covered her eyes with her hands and screamed in horror and frustration at the scene in front of her, as tears streamed down her face once again.

 

She finally ran closer to Ben and screamed his name again, grabbing his shoulder roughly and shoving him away from Hux.For a split second he angled himself towards her, looking towards her with rage-filled eyes. She didn’t recognize the look he gave her.It was… animalistic.This wasn’t her Ben.He was a stranger, a man who had been overcome with fury and hadn’t been able to hold himself back.In that moment, she irrationally became concerned that he might turn his rage towards her, though she knew in her heart that he would never, ever hurt her.Finally, he seemed to realize what was going on and his eyes changed.Rey shook in front of him.

 

Hux lay on the ground, his face beaten and bloody.He was conscious, though just barely.He whimpered and cowered underneath Ben.Rey hated Hux with all her might, but pitied him at the same time.She knew what Ben had done was wrong; this violence wasn’t the way to solve anything.

 

Finally, Ben’s face softened as he looked at her, tumbling out of his fit of rage.

 

“Rey”, he said in a helpless tone, as he regarded what she imagined must have been devastation on her face.

 

Feeling a mixture of both fear and anger, Rey’s face grew stern.This wasn’t the Ben she loved.Her Ben was sweet and kind, and didn’t resort to beating people to a bloody pulp.She found herself growing more upset with him by the minute.She felt so betrayed.

 

She watched fear bloom on Ben’s face as he began to understand the consequences of what he’d just done.He got up and moved towards her, and she instinctively took a step away from him.He stopped when he realized she was _afraid_. 

 

“Rey”, he repeated, extending a hand out to her.He sounded as if he was going to cry.

 

“Get away from me”, she hissed quietly as tears ran down her face.It broke her heart to push him away, but her fear response was stronger in this moment. 

 

“But—“, Ben said, desperation creeping up in his voice. 

 

“I need to go get a medic”, she said curtly, looking at Hux.Ben didn’t look down at the man he’d just beaten up, instead he kept his eyes trained on her face.Rey looked up and saw that they were filled with tears.  "Don't follow me", she said assertively.

 

“I’m sorry, Rey”, he said quietly.

 

“Me too, Ben”, she replied, her voice quivering as she tried to remain stern.With that, she turned and left a devastated Ben standing on the dock, while Hux groaned in pain behind him. 

 

Rey had never felt so betrayed.She knew she loved Ben with all her heart, but never anticipated seeing this side of him.Sure, he’d told her he’d been in fights and had trouble controlling his anger, but actually watching it was something else.Ben had transformed into someone else right before her eyes, and that frightened her.

 

She also knew that her intense emotions from the day were probably clouding her judgement.Maybe she just needed a couple of days away from Ben to sort out her thoughts and feelings, as right now, she was fully aware that her mind was on overload.She knew deep down, this wasn’t the end of their relationship; she was well aware of how precious it was for both of them.But Ben needed to understand he did something horribly wrong, so she knew she needed to distance herself for a little while.

 

 

——

 

 

 

After she’d sent the medics to take care of Hux, Rey trudged back to the cabin to pack her things.The second Rose saw her face, she was all over Rey in an instant, hugging her and consoling her without even knowing what had happened.When Rey told her she was being forced to leave, Rose burst into tears as well.Rey told her everything that transpired, and the two friends cried together. 

 

In the brief time they had, Rose helped her talk out her feelings, and they both decided that distance from Ben would be best.Rey was still so upset with him.

 

She used the payphone to call Poe, who was surprised upon hearing from her, but assured her she was more than welcome to stay at his apartment tonight, and any other night she needed.

 

Rose suggested saying goodbye to him before she left, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to do it.She got into the car that Leia had called for her as the driver placed her bags in the trunk.She felt the urge to cry, but found that her eyes were bereft of tears, probably because they had all been spent earlier in the day.The car pulled out of the driveway, onto Route 17B, and Rey found herself missing Ben more and more the farther they drove from the resort.Rey leaned her head against the car window as her heart filled with regret for not saying goodbye.

 

 

——

 

 

Staying that night with Poe had been an unexpected delight on a day that she would otherwise rather have forgotten.Normally she never would have stayed overnight in the apartment of a man who was practically a stranger, but Finn had promised to her before he left that Poe would be there for her in any way she needed while he was away.And he was right; Poe was friendly and welcoming and Rey didn’t feel in any way threatened because she knew his heart belonged to Finn.

 

Poe’s Brooklyn apartment was small, but was very cozy with an eclectic style.Mismatched bohemian decor in deep purple and green hues adorned the entire space, and Rey was particularly amused by the sheet of colorful beads that hung in the doorway, separating the living room from the bedroom.She also noticed that many large, handwritten posters with popular antiwar slogans lay scattered throughout the house, signifying that he frequently attended war protests.

 

He could tell she’d had an awful day, but didn’t press her or fawn over her, which she appreciated.Instead, he offered to smoke a little bit with her when he noticed her wiping errant tears out of her eyes.He told her it would help take the edge off.

 

And it did.Though smoking weed reminded her of Ben (as did almost everything else right now, in her heartbroken mind), she felt the pleasant haze overtake her, and she felt almost a sense of relief that she didn’t have to feel as much pain anymore.

 

Rey and Poe talked for a long time; mostly about Finn at first, since he was the string that bound them together; he was the one thing their very different lives had in common.Poe opened up about all the hopes and dreams he had for Finn and himself in the future, once he was out of the army.Rey knew Finn would never have spoken to her about such sentimental things, so it was funny yet endearing to hear someone speak of Finn in that way.Rey was so happy that her friend had found someone wonderful to love, as she and Poe bonded over how much they missed Finn.

 

It made her miss Ben even more, though.Maybe, she thought, she’d treated him too harshly.She just knew that she missed him more than anything, and she’d give anything to go back to a few days ago, when they had been spending entire days together, blissfully unaware of what was to come.

 

As Rey found herself lost in her own thoughts, she noticed Poe was looking at her with a concerned expression.

 

“So, do you wanna talk about it?”Poe asked her gently.

 

She ended up spilling everything to him.It felt cathartic, dumping all of her thoughts and feelings to someone neutral, who hardly knew either of them.

 

Poe told her that while the decision ultimately was hers, but to keep in mind the fact that such deep connections were rare and difficult to come by, and that he knew things would work out in the end.Though Ben clearly had some issues that he needed to work out (and probably she too), he probably could use some support in doing so.Especially since he didn’t seem to have much of it from his family.

 

Rey was awake most of the night thinking about it.

 

 

——

 

 

Leia came and visited Rey a few days after she’d moved into her small dorm.  Rey's roommate wasn't due to move in for almost a week, so she'd spent the past few days alone, arranging her new room and exploring her Manhattan neighborhood.  It also unfortunately gave her ample time alone with her thoughts, so when Leia had showed up, it had been a welcome surprise.  She’d been in the city attending to some business, she’d told Rey, and decided to stop by to see how she was settling in.After they’d exchanged some pleasant small talk, Rey finally found the courage to ask her the question that had been burning in her mind since she’d arrived.

 

“How’s Ben?”

 

Leia’s eyes became heavy and downcast, before looking back up at Rey, offering her a tight lipped smile. 

 

“I feel awful”, Rey offered before Leia had a chance to reply.“I shouldn’t have run out on him like that.I at least should have said goodbye.As soon as he moves into his dorm, I’m going to—“

 

Leia gently cut her off as her dark eyes looked back up at Rey.

 

“Rey, they arrested him just after you left”, she said quietly.“He was charged with assault, for beating up that boy”.Rey gasped and her eyes bulged out of her head.She suddenly felt awful for not being there for him.In addition to thinking his relationship was ending, Ben had to endure being taken away by the police. 

 

“Hux had a dislocated jaw, and a lot of bruising to his face.I was able to get his father to settle out of court and drop the charges, but what Ben did was wrong.” 

 

“Oh, no”, Rey said, putting a hand up to her mouth.

 

“Rey, I need to tell you something”, Leia continued.Her expression didn’t seem like one that was going to bear good news, so Rey felt her stomach drop.“When he got back from the police station”, she started gently, “We gave him an ultimatum.We told him that he needs to defer college for a year, and that we're going to send him to go live with his uncle on the commune.He’ll hopefully learn some inner peace, meditation, and other ways to control his feelings.We decided this would be the best thing for him”.

 

Rey looked up at her with huge, sad eyes.Her heart broke for Ben. 

 

“This is all my fault”, she murmured.

 

“What?!No, honey.This is NOT your fault; please don’t ever think that”.

 

“But they were arguing over me.It never would have happened if I—“

 

“Rey”, Leia said sternly, placing a gentle hand over hers.“This was between Hux and Ben.Hux didn’t know when to keep his damn mouth shut, and Ben… well Ben has a lot of trouble keeping his anger to himself when he’s provoked”.

 

“I just… should have been there for him”, she said as her eyes filled with fresh tears.“Now he thinks I don’t love him anymore, and he probably feels so alone and hopeless”. 

 

“Honey”, Leia said, affectionately touching Rey’s arm.“This is your decision alone.I completely understand if you need to distance yourself from him.My son has a lot of issues and he’s not easy to deal with sometimes.But I do know that he loves you _very_  much.And he would _never_ hurt you”.

 

“I know”, Rey said tearfully.“I love him too, and I need to see him”.

 

“If that’s what you want”, Leia said, “You’re more than welcome to visit him on the commune whenever you’d like.In fact, I think that would be very good for him. 

 

“When does he leave for the commune?”

 

“We’re taking him up there tomorrow".  She paused before continuing.  "Would you like to come with us?”

 

“Yes”, Rey said, breathing a sigh of relief at the prospect of being able to see him so soon.“But, please don’t tell him I'm coming.I’d like it to be a surprise”.

 

“Of course, dear”, Leia replied with a warm smile.“I’ll send a car to pick you up at nine”.

 

Leia gave Rey a long embrace before she left. 

 

 

——

 

 

 

The next morning, Rey was tearing apart her wardrobe for something appropriate to wear.She wanted to look beautiful for Ben’s surprise, but also still needed to be modest, considering the fact that she was going to be in the presence of Ben’s parents, and they were going to be heading to a religious retreat.

 

She settled on a form-fitting, knee-length blue dress with black tights underneath.She applied some subtle makeup and brushed her hair out nicely, pulling half of it back into a partial ponytail. 

 

Just as she was looking in the mirror assessing herself, she heard a frantic knock on the door.Had the driver shown up early?Not likely, plus she’d expected him to be waiting in the street for her.

 

Rey tiptoed over to the door and opened it a crack, widening it immediately when she saw Leia’s diminutive form standing in front of her.Her eyes looked heavy and red-rimmed, and Rey grew incredibly concerned.

 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked, a sense of dread creeping up to her throat.With a quivering lip, Leia handed her a folded piece of paper.Rey opened it and saw handwriting that she recognized immediately.

 

 

_Mom and Dad_

 

_I’m trying to figure out how to handle things right now, but I’m having a real hard time._

 

_In a matter of a few hours, several bad decisions and a fit of anger, I not only ruined my relationship with the only person I’ve ever really loved, but I also got her kicked out of a job and ruined my own college prospects.I’ve been having a lot of trouble living with myself these past few days._

 

_I’m writing this to tell you that I’m NOT going to live with Uncle Luke.None of his peace and love bullshit is going to help me, and you two of all people should know that it’s only going to make things worse for both of us._

 

_I’m taking what feels like the only option I have right now.I’m leaving and joining the army.I feel like I have nowhere else to go, and now that I’ve lost Rey, I don’t really have anything or anyone to stay here for._

 

_Please don’t try to contact me.But please do tell Rey that I’ll always love her, no matter what happens.And please let her know that I’m so sorry for fucking things up.She deserves so much better than me._

 

_Ben_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is dealing with a lot of things... in addition to being a very emotional person by nature, he's under the impression that Rey no longer loves him, and he also has to deal with the very solid fact that his parents don't understand him. And our poor boy is very impulsive.
> 
> I promise things will get better.
> 
>  
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_)!


	13. For What It's Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to cope with Ben's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my job for being extremely quiet this past weekend, it allowed me to get this chapter out way more quickly than I'd anticipated!
> 
> Just so you know, there's a little bit of a time jump in the middle of this chapter.
> 
> It's a long one, but I think it will be worth it in the end.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_There's something happening here_  
_What it is ain't exactly clear_  
_There's a man with a gun over there_  
_Telling me I got to beware_

_I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound_  
_Everybody look what's going down_

 

_There's battle lines being drawn_  
_Nobody's right if everybody's wrong_  
_Young people speaking their minds_  
_Getting so much resistance from behind_

 

_-Buffalo Springfield_

 

 

 

Rey was speechless. She felt herself begin to shake as she read Ben’s note. This had to be some kind of bad dream... right?

 

“He was gone this morning, and we found this on his bed”, Leia explained, her voice quivering as she tried to keep from crying. 

 

“But... we need to stop him”, Rey said, as if there were no other option. “Where would be have gone?”

 

“Whitehall Street is where they take in all the new inductees”, Leia replied, wringing her hands together.“He had to have gone there”.

 

“Whitehall Street”, Rey repeated, committing the name to memory as she frantically tried to formulate a plan in her head.“Where is that?”

 

“Right near the Staten Island ferry”, Leia replied.“Are you going down there?”

 

“Yeah”, Rey said breathlessly, pulling on shoes and grabbing her purse.“Are you coming with me?”

 

“Oh, honey”, Leia said, her tone soft and heartbroken.“I know I’ve lost my son; he would probably run even further in the other direction if he were to see me there”.She placed her hands gently around Rey’s face, looking her squarely in the eyes.“You’re the only one who can save him”.It was more than just a statement, it was a plea.Rey nodded, her breath shaking as she tried not to cry.“Go bring him back, sweet girl”, Leia said as Rey shut the door and locked it behind her.

 

Rush hour traffic made it difficult to get to her destination as quickly as she’d intended.Rey was jittery, bouncing up and down with a thousand emotions roiling around in her body, and the only thing her mind could focus on was getting to Ben.

 

Of course the subway was delayed, and when she was finally able to get onto a car, it was so full that she was uncomfortably squished between a large older woman and the door.

 

When she finally got off at Whitehall Street, she sprinted down the street, looking for something, ANYTHING that would signify where the army induction center was located.

 

She found it easily, a few minutes later.It was a large, ugly, triangular building with throngs of protesters who were carrying signs with anti-war slogans. Some were chanting; some were yelling.An armed soldier stood guard outside the door.

 

Rey nervously walked up to the building and tried to get the attention of the guard, who was standing with his shoulders back and staring straight ahead.He had a square jaw and cropped blond hair, which made for a very intimidating look.She looked at the massive rifle slung over his shoulder and swallowed thickly.

 

“Excuse me”, she said quietly.“Um, hi.Am I able to go in there for a minute?My boyfriend is in there, and um, I really need to speak with him”.

 

The soldier looked down at her with cold, unfeeling eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, ma’am.This is an official building, no civilians are allowed on the premises”.

 

“But, please sir, it’s really important”, Rey said, hearing the desperation grow in her own voice.“Just for a minute, I promise”.

 

“No, ma’am”.

 

“But I _need_  to—“

 

He interrupted her, clearly growing irritated.

 

“Ma’am, I’m gonna need you to step back now”, he said as he resumed his position. 

 

Rey was panicking.She _had_  to get in there to talk to Ben. 

 

“Just let her in, asshole”, one of the protesters yelled, taunting the soldier.He however was unfazed, staring stoically ahead.

 

It may have been the supportive crowd giving her confidence, or it could have been out of sheer desperation, but Rey spotted another soldier coming out the door and saw an opportunity.As soon as the door opened, she bolted towards it, running inside the building. 

 

She got as far as about three inches past the doorway before an arm wrapped around her waist, yanking her roughly back outside.She looked down and saw the sleeve of the soldier’s uniform, and knew her impulsive plan had failed.Before she was fully out the door, she screeched Ben’s name at the top of her lungs, hoping the sound would carry through the drab olive green hallway and somehow, maybe reach Ben. 

 

The soldier tossed her unceremoniously down onto the pavement, and when she looked up, she found the end of his rifle pointed directly at her face.His eyes looked absolutely murderous.

 

“Do you want me to fucking shoot you?” The soldier screamed in her face.Rey’s eyes were wide, and she was too paralyzed with fear to respond in any way.“I have authorization to shoot and kill any civilian who crosses that line”, he shouted angrily, pointing towards the door.“Now get the hell out of here, otherwise I’m going to have you arrested!”

 

Rey was unable to move for a few moments, her frozen mind finally jump starting again when a female protester dropped her sign and crouched down to help Rey up. 

 

“Hey”, the young woman said.She had long blonde hair which she tossed out of the way before placing her hands into Rey’s to help her stand up.“You’d better get out of here; they really won’t hesitate to arrest you”, she said gently.She picked her sign back up, which had the words “ _BETTER RED THAN DEAD_ ” written in red paint, with what looked like drops of blood dripping dramatically from the words.“Because these _assholes_  have no regard for human _life_ ”, she shouted loudly, pointedly directing her words at the guard.Turning back to Rey, she added sympathetically, “I’m sorry about your boyfriend”.

 

 

——

 

 

Rey made her way home numbly, both her body and mind exhausted from the morning’s events.She could feel a bruise forming on her backside and a huge scrape on her elbow where the guard had thrown her onto the pavement. 

 

After she got back to her dorm, Rey called Leia to give her the news that she was unable to find Ben.After that, she flopped onto the bed without so much as taking her shoes off, and fell into a fitful sleep. 

 

She was awoken a few hours later by the shrill ring of her dorm phone.It was Rose, cheerfully calling to let Rey know that she had just gotten back home in the city, and to see if Rey wanted to meet up.

 

Rey barely had to utter two words for Rose to know something was terribly wrong.

 

“Rey, give me your address. I’ll be right over”.

 

Rose stayed with Rey for the entire evening, despite the fact that Rey was less than entertaining to be around.  She didn’t really want to talk at first, but slowly began revealing bits of her day to Rose.When she recounted the story of the soldier, she suddenly found herself feeling an incredible amount of disdain for the war.

 

“It fucking sucks”, she hissed angrily, “The war has taken the two people who I love most in this world away from me”.She blinked back frustrated tears as Rose grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

 

“I know what that’s like, Rey”, she said sadly.“My grandparents and some of my cousins were killed back in Vietnam because of this war.We were so lucky to get out of there alive.It really does fucking suck”.

 

Rose stayed with Rey all evening, laying with Rey and hugging her until she’d exhausted herself from crying and fell into a deep sleep. 

 

Rose came over the next night too, with her arms full of board games and magazines to help Rey take her mind off of everything. 

 

Rose had to work the night after that, so she invited Rey to come to her family’s restaurant and have a free meal while she waited tables. Rey was reluctant, but finally agreed at Rose’s insistence. 

 

Rose seated Rey at her own small table near the kitchen, so she could come talk to her when she had free moments.Rey had barely eaten in the past few days, so it felt good to have a real cooked meal.She also discovered that she _loved_  Vietnamese food.Rose’s mother even sent some home with her. When Rey tried refusing her generosity, Rose’s mother insisted in broken English that she take it, because she was far too skinny and needed to eat.

 

 

——

 

 

Rey’s roommate moved in a few days later.

 

Bazine was pretty, confident, and quite unfriendly.She scoffed when Rey offered to help her carry in her bags, and looked annoyed every time Rey so much as tried to strike up a conversation.Feeling defeated, Rey stopped trying very quickly.

 

The nights were hard.Unable to help herself, Rey found herself quietly crying herself to sleep most nights, which was usually met with dramatic sighs from Bazine.Rey couldn’t really blame her; Bazine had come into her life at quite literally the worst possible time, and she probably thought Rey was like this all the time.

 

Rey found some solace in her friends; Rose was an absolute godsend, and Poe proved to be a decent stand in for Finn while he was away. 

 

Her classes started up, which was a welcome distraction from her personal problems.The classes were difficult right from the start, but Rey was intelligent and driven; despite having a rough end to her summer, she knew it was important that she excel in this part of her life.And more importantly, she knew that she could do it.So she dove in hard, forcing herself to study for hours each night.

 

Poe called Rey one morning about two weeks after her classes started. 

 

“Hey”, he started.“I need your help with something.Are you around at all today?”

 

“I have class until 2, but I suppose I could stop by after that”, Rey replied.She didn’t really want to travel all the way to Brooklyn after school, as she knew she’d have a mountain of homework, but Poe had been kind and supportive to her over the past few weeks, and she knew she owed it to him.

 

After her class let out, she trudged through the warm drizzle and rang the bell at Poe’s apartment.As soon as he let her in, she stepped into his kitchen.

 

“So”, she said expectantly.“What did you need help with?”

 

“Oh, right”, he said.“So, I’m getting this new roommate, and I wanted to know what you think of him”.

 

Rey narrowed her eyes.That was certainly an odd request.Also, Poe's apartment was tiny.How could he possibly have room for a roommate?

 

“Okay”, Rey said a bit hesitantly.

 

“He’s right through here, I want you to meet him”, Poe said, gesturing towards his living room.Rey followed him shyly, pushing the bead curtain aside to get a look at Poe’s new roommate.

 

She screamed.

 

Finn was sitting in front of her, smiling widely.He had a giant white cast on his leg, and a pair of crutches were resting beside him on the arm of the couch.Rey shrieked and laughed, rushing over to him and bringing him into a big, frantic hug.

 

“Hey Peanut”, he murmured into her hair.

 

“I’m so glad you’re back”, she cried.She pulled back to look at him.“What happened?!”

 

“I got hurt in basic training”, he said with a smile.Poe snorted.

 

“You say it like you did something heroic or something”, Poe laughed.“Falling out of bed isn’t really part of ‘basic training’”.

 

Rey looked at Finn, who shrugged mischievously. 

 

“You know how I have a tendency to sleepwalk?”Finn explained.

 

Rey nodded. 

 

“Well some genius decided to assign me to the top bunk. So one night I got out of bed in my sleep and fell right down.I shattered my ankle in six places”.

 

Rey tried to hold back a smirk, as a deep laugh bubbled up in her stomach. 

 

“You can laugh, it’s okay”, he snickered. 

 

“I’m sorry but that’s hilarious”, she said, finally allowing herself to double over.Her laugh was loud and joyful, and it felt good.Her best friend and brother was _home_.

 

“How have you been, Peanut?”Finn asked, his voice growing softer.Poe must not have told him much of the events of Rey’s past few weeks, because when her face fell a little bit, Finn’s expression grew concerned.

 

“Well I’m going to go out for a little while, I’ll let you guys have some time to talk”, Poe said.

 

“Thanks, Poe”, Rey said with a smile.

 

 

\----

 

 

_Eight months later_

_May 1970_

 

 

 

 

Her first year of college was almost over.

 

It hadn’t been easy, but somehow she’d made it through with excellent grades, while still having time for both a part time job and a social life.

 

It was still somewhat new to her, having a social life, but Rose, Poe and Finn had become her core group of friends and though they each led very different lives, they all got along great and spent a great deal of time together.

 

Rey had never become good friends with Bazine, but through the months they had gone from having a general dislike of each other, to being cooly civil, to almost friendly.They looked out for one another; becoming concerned if one was out late and didn’t return home on time, and running to the store if the the other was sick.

 

Rey enjoyed her life.She’d come from absolutely nothing and was now thriving as she got an education at one of the best schools in New York. 

 

Despite this, there was one thing that was glaringly absent from her life.

 

Ben.

 

Missing him had become a little easier through the months; it had gone from a searing pain at first, to a dull, ever-present ache in her gut.Sometimes she’d see small things that reminded her of him that would set her off, like a couple walking down the street holding hands, or hearing someone talk about their summer plans out in the country.

 

Sometimes at night, when Bazine was out with her boyfriend, Rey would try and soothe the ache with her own hands.It always seemed like a good temporary fix at first, but every time she finished she would immediately burst into tears, so she eventually gave up on that altogether. 

 

Bazine had even tried to set Rey up with one of her friends, insisting that she shouldn't put her life on hold for what could turn into years.  Rey had finally agreed after several months of nagging, but couldn't bring herself to stay on the date for more than fifteen minutes.  She felt as though she was betraying Ben, and cried over it for an hour when she got home.

 

Rey and her friends became regular attendees at protests.At first, Rey, Rose and Finn stood shyly on the sidelines while Poe shouted and chanted with the other protesters, but they eventually became more comfortable and got themselves involved.Each one of them had different reasons to hate the war, and they were able to channel these feelings into the greater purpose of demonstrating against it.Every time Rey would paint a poster, or march at a protest, she would think of Ben.She wondered where he was at that exact moment; perhaps flying in a helicopter, or sleeping in an ugly green tent in a jungle somewhere.She hoped he was alive and safe, and that he was thinking of her, too.

 

Rey began growing her hair out.Instead of wearing it up most days, she now let it hang loose, cascading halfway down her back.Her hair was naturally a little wavy, but she often straightened it with a clothes iron, like so many girls did.

 

A few days a week, Rey worked in the office at Leia’s foundation.Leia paid her well, and she also found the job to be incredibly rewarding, knowing that she was helping underprivileged children who were just like she had once been.

 

She had secured an on-campus office job for the summer, which allowed her to remain in her dorm.It definitely was no Catskills resort, but it did secure her a place to live and a small income, which was all she really needed.

 

 

——

 

 

It was a week before finals, and Rey was panicking.Her anxiety was high, though she’d maintained solid grades throughout the semester, she was aware they could all be undone with a badly taken final exam.She was required to maintain a certain grade point average to keep her scholarship, and though she knew deep down that she would easily pass, she still knew she needed to do a great deal of studying.

 

It was a Saturday afternoon, and she sat quietly at the small desk in her room as Bazine did the same.Bazine rarely studied, but she must have been nervous about finals too, as she sat amongst a large pile of books at her desk. 

 

“Is it okay if I put some music on?This silence is stressing me out”, Bazine said, running her hand through her dark hair.

 

“Sure”, Rey replied.“Just not too loud”.

 

Bazine got up and placed a record in the small, portable record player she’d brought from home.A soft, soothing folky song came on, and Rey was thankful it wasn’t the loud, jarring rock music that Bazine usually listened to.

 

Rey narrowed her eyes when the second song came on.It sounded familiar.

 

“What record is this?”Rey asked, turning around to face Bazine.

 

“The Woodstock album”, she replied, reaching over to her bed and picking up the album cover, holding it up for Rey to see.“It just came out a few days ago”. 

 

Rey reached out and gently took the large cardboard record sleeve in her hands.  The front of it showed a photo taken at the festival, depicting a couple standing amongst the crowd, wrapped in a blanket as they lovingly embraced.Naturally, this made Rey’s thoughts go immediately to Ben.

 

“I knew this song sounded familiar”, she said softly, sadness hinting in her tone.“I saw this live”. 

 

“Oh, I forgot you went to that”, Bazine said nonchalantly before turning back to her schoolwork. 

 

It had been a while since she'd cried over Ben, but she found herself blinking back tears as she ran her finger over the album, looking at the list of songs.

 

When Bazine left a few hours later to go see her boyfriend, Rey didn’t turn the music off.Instead, she listened to it over and over until she fell asleep.

 

 

——

 

 

The next morning, Rey found herself studying again.She was supposed to meet her friends in the afternoon to go to a protest in Central Park, so she figured she’d spend a few hours with her books before she had to be there.A large cardboard sign sat next to her bed that she’d painted a few days before, which read “LOVE NOT WAR”, in swirly rainbow lettering, the “O” in the word “love” painted to look like a peace sign. 

 

Rey was about to give up and go take a shower when a knock sounded on the door.She knew it was for Bazine, since she had endless amounts of friends who she was always parading through their dorm, so she didn’t even bother to get up to answer it.Bazine hopped up, grumbling about how she’d told her boyfriend not to come meet her until after 2; he couldn’t ever even listen to simple directions; he was here way too early.

 

Rey was vaguely aware of Bazine cracking the door open, but looked up at her and narrowed her eyes when she heard her say “Rey, it’s for you”.

 

Bazine had a strange, slightly confused half-smile on her face.She looked back at the person at the door, then back at Rey. 

 

Rey got up and grabbed the door handle, opening it more widely as Bazine stepped away.

 

The first thing she saw was the ears.She knew those ears anywhere.

 

Then the short, cropped hair.

 

Then the big, red scar running down the side of his face.

 

Then the wide, nervous brown eyes looking back at her.

 

It was Ben.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few notes about the chapter. First, the war protest signs. 
> 
> "Better red than dead" was a popular slogan during the Vietnam War. To put it in the simplest terms possible, the US got involved in Vietnam to stop the spread of communism there. So, people who were opposed to the war thought that Vietnam would be better off communist (or, 'red') than have to go through this awful, bloody war (dead).
> 
> Here's what inspired Rey's protest poster, [love not war](https://ibb.co/2tDRpqb)
> 
> I'm not sure if the depictions of Whitehall Street are accurate, but it was a real place. I found a lot of info about it in some New York Times articles, so I did what I could with those.
> 
> Here is a picture of the [Woodstock Album](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81ytoQ7ndQL._SX425_.jpg). Fun fact: The couple in this photo is still together! I have met them and they are very sweet!
> 
> We are nearing the end of this journey, and I want to thank everyone who has stuck with this story!
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_)!


	14. When the Stars Start Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet, sweet reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the emotional turmoil in the last few chapters. Here is some (e-rated) softness to hopefully make up for it.

_I'll be with you darling soon_  
_I'll be with you when the stars start falling_

 

_I've been waiting so long_  
_To be where I'm going_  
_In the sunshine of your love_

 

_-Cream_

 

 

 

“Ben”, she breathed, her voice barely a whisper.“You’re really here”. 

 

Ben didn’t respond, seemingly unable to find words, as he looked down at her with eyes full of emotion.Rey wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and never let go, but she kept her distance, as she didn’t exactly know where they stood, and she was certain she felt an air of awkwardness around them.

 

Rey finally felt her eyes filling with tears as her initial shock began to wear off.She cursed herself for not being able to hold her composure, rolling her eyes in annoyance with herself as a tear spilled down her face. 

 

“God dammit Ben, I missed you so much”, she finally squeaked out, stomping her foot a little and wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and never let go. 

 

“You did?” Ben asked, his eyes uncharacteristically hopeful. 

 

Rey fell into an incredulous, tearful laugh.

 

“Of course I did, silly”.

 

Ben let out a shaky breath.His eyes didn’t leave hers.

 

They stood in silence for a few moments too long.Finally, Rey spoke again, in an attempt to keep her tears at bay.

 

“How long have you been home?”

 

“Three weeks”, Ben replied shyly. 

 

Rey felt herself wince a little.He had been in the same city as her for three whole weeks and she hadn’t had any idea? Why hadn’t Leia told her? Why hadn’t he come to find her the second he stepped foot back in New York?

 

Her face must have given her away.Either that or Ben read her thoughts.

 

“Rey, I’m sorry.I asked my mom not to tell you I was home.I—I wanted to tell you myself.It took me this long to build up enough courage to come see you”, he said.He sounded so… defeated.Her heart broke for him.

 

“Oh Ben, it’s okay”, she said, sympathy pouring out of her eyes as she placed a gentle hand on his arm.His eyes shot to where she was touching him, and he then looked back up at her face, a hopeful expression in his eyes.She offered him a tearful smile as she sniffled.Ben worked his jaw and pursed his lips before speaking again.

 

“My, uh… my therapist helped me come up with what I was going to say when I came here… but of fucking course I can’t remember any of it now”, he said, shaking his head with a half smile.

 

“Therapist?”

 

Ben looked timidly up at her as if he realized he’d said too much.

 

“Uh, yeah”.He looked down at his feet.“My mom set me up with a therapist when I got back.I see her four times a week.It’s to help with my combat stress… and my anger”.He still avoided her eyes, picking his head up and looking off to the side.“I actually think it’s really helping me.It’s probably one of the only good things my mom’s ever done for me”.

 

Rey felt her breath hitch.Her poor, broken boy was home, and he was making an effort to better himself.He was here, he was getting along with his mother, and he was actively working on his anger.Unable to help herself, she reached out and touched his face, angling it so he was forced to look at her.His eyes were so full of fear, but his expression softened when he saw her gently smiling at him.She took her thumb and gently ran it along the long scar on his face. 

 

“What happened?”Rey asked sadly.

 

“Machete attack”, he replied quietly.Her eyes filled with tears again; she hurt for him.

 

“Oh, Ben”, she said, feeling her chin quiver. 

 

Finally, she did what she’d been wanting to do since the second she saw Ben’s face.She circled her arms around him and brought him into a hug.She held him so tightly, and though he was hesitant at first, he finally wound his arms around her and brought her into one of the biggest, most complete hugs she’d ever received.She felt pleasantly crushed by his arms, as she idly wondered if he’d put on even more muscle while he was away.She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt him start to shake against her, holding onto her small frame as though his life depended on it.Rey buried her face in his neck and inhaled, taking in his familiar smell, realizing that he smelled like home.Rey squeezed her eyes shut and felt tears pour out of her eyes as she smiled against his skin.He shuddered against her; she knew he was crying too.Eventually he lifted her up, supporting her as she circled her legs around his waist.She drew back and looked at him, her heart pounding as her eyes looked down to his plush lips.He chewed at the inside of his mouth, his eyes glassy and red-rimmed.He was holding her up with his solid hands; it felt so good to be held by him again.Finally, she placed her hands on either side of his face and leaned in to kiss him.

 

She’d been dreaming of this moment for months, but anything her imagination had come up with didn’t even compare to what this was actually like.She’d almost forgotten the feel of his lips, and the warmth of his skin against hers.His hair was much shorter now, but it was just soft as she remembered as she ran her hands through it.Ben seemed a little hesitant at first, but she took the lead and began moving her lips against his, smiling when she felt his intensity and passion begin to grow.He kissed her like a man who had been starved for nearly a year, and was just now coming home to a feast.The kiss was messy; she had tears streaming down her face and was pretty sure her nose was dripping too, but neither of them cared.She giggled joyfully and she felt him smile against her.

 

“Uh—“, she heard a voice behind her.Rey finally broke the kiss and turned her head around, suddenly remembering they were not alone.

 

“So, I’m gonna get out of here for a few hours”, Bazine said, clearly not thrilled by the rapidly escalating makeout session that was going on in front of her.“I’ll probably be home by 1:30 or so... please for the love of god, make sure you’re fully clothed by the time I get back”. 

 

Rey snorted, completely beyond caring about Bazine and her judgement at this particular moment. 

 

As she left, Bazine rolled her eyes at Rey.But then, she turned back and offered her a surprisingly kind smile.It was more genuine than anything Rey had ever seen from her before; Bazine was actually happy for her.

 

Rey’s lips were on Ben’s the second Bazine shut the door behind her.Ben’s sturdy hands were holding her up as her tongue brutally invaded his mouth, her fingers tracing the shells of his ears.The only sound that could be heard in the room was their heavy breathing as Ben clumsily backed both of them up to one of the beds in the room.It was, of course, the wrong bed.

 

“No.My bed’s over there”, Rey murmured as she unwillingly broke their kiss for a second.Ben rushed them over to the correct bed, sitting himself down with Rey on his lap.His lips met hers again with a growing passion. 

 

Rey wanted nothing more than to be closer to him; to feel his skin against hers.When he began sneaking his hands under her shirt and running his fingers lightly along her waist and lower back, she pulled away from him and crossed her arms, swiftly pulling her shirt over her head.Ben looked worshipfully down at her, taking in a sight that he hadn’t seen in far too long.Rey crashed her mouth against his again, not wanting to break contact with him for more than a few seconds at a time.She began grabbing at the hem of his shirt, trying to lift it up and pull it off of him. 

 

She was surprised when he winced and pulled back.His eyes were wide, and his breath heavy.

 

“Are you okay?”Rey asked.He looked down nervously.

 

“Yeah”, he started.“I just—I got pretty hurt when I was over there.I have some scarring.It—it doesn’t look good”.He circled his arms around himself protectively. 

 

_He’s self conscious_ , she realized. 

 

Rey bit her lip, hesitating for a moment.

 

“Can I see?”She asked gently. 

 

Ben sighed shakily, before nodding.He still didn’t meet her eyes. 

 

Rey grabbed the bottom of his shirt and slowly lifted it up.

 

The first thing she saw was a large scar on the lower left side of his abdomen.She pulled the shirt up over his head to reveal another nasty wound on the same side, covering his shoulder.On his right side, she saw that the scar that ran from his eyebrow down his cheek actually extended all the way down his chest before abruptly stopping. 

 

Ben’s breath was rapid; she could tell he was incredibly nervous to reveal his marred skin to her.He thought she’d be repulsed.

 

So instead, she looked over his body with adoration.She needed him to understand that she’d accept him no matter how he looked. 

 

Rey gently reached out to him, ghosting her fingers over the wound on his lower left side.She could tell it had once been a nasty gash, but now was covered with newly formed pink skin.

 

Ben’s skin jolted a little as soon as she reached out and touched him.She looked up at him, her eyes wide and nervous.

 

“Did that hurt?”Rey asked.

 

“No”, he breathed, his timid eyes not leaving hers.Rey then gently nudged him down, so he fell gently onto his back.Rey hovered over him, still straddling him but scooting herself down a little.She leaned down and gently pressed her lips to the scar, feeling Ben inhale deeply at the contact.

 

She looked up at him with questioning eyes, silently asking him if this was okay.She saw him swallow nervously, and she moved herself up a little bit, grasping his arms and leaning down to kiss the scar on his shoulder.She could feel him shaking a little, as his chest rose and fell rapidly.

 

Finally, she moved to the long scar that ran down his face, her lips starting on his chest, slowly planting gentle, wet kisses as she moved up his neck to his cheek, finally ending it just past his eyebrow.

 

She’d never seen Ben look at her so reverently. 

 

Finally, he wound his hands around the back of her neck and pulled her down to kiss him on the lips again.Her heart was bursting with love for him, and she knew he could feel it radiating off of her.Their teeth clacked awkwardly as the passion steadily increased between the two of them.Finally, Rey pressed her hips down onto him, feeling his erection pressing against her center.She smiled into their kiss, knowing exactly where this was leading.

 

Ben carefully flipped them over so he was on top of her, his body taking up all the space on her tiny bed.Rey realized how much she’d missed this, the feeling of his huge body covering hers, his weight pressed pleasantly against her.Ben reached under her and unhooked her bra, pulling back a little bit and pulling it off her shoulders.He let out a sharp breath upon seeing her, and Rey felt positively adored. 

 

“I thought about this _every single night_  when I was over there”, he said in a low whisper, greedily pulling her shorts and underwear down her legs.She felt her core pulsating; she was aching to feel him inside of her.She tugged at the waistband of his jeans, and he stood up, unfastening them and pulling them down.She looked at his body hungrily.

 

“God I missed this”, she breathed, as he climbed over her and began kissing her again.Feeling his bare skin against hers drove her absolutely wild, and she found herself wrapping her legs around his lower back, pulling him so much closer.

 

Rey let out a quiet gasp as he began sucking the skin on her neck, arching her face away to grant him better access, while simultaneously feeling his cock press right up against her clit.He moved down and took one of her nipples in his mouth, and she felt herself involuntarily cry out.He then moved back up to her mouth, kissing her furiously.

 

Not wanting to wait anymore, Rey reached down and took him in her hand, guiding him down to the right place.She angled her hips and pushed up, allowing him to press into her a bit.Ben buried his face in her neck and she could feel his face contort with pleasure.

 

“Fuck, I need to grab a condom”, he said, gently pulling out of her and sliding off the bed, reaching for his wallet.Rey had planned to just throw caution to the wind, letting her intense feelings take over, but she realized this was probably for the best.She snickered when she saw him pull the foil package from his wallet.

 

“You came prepared”, she giggled, her legs obscenely open in front of him. 

 

“I figured, it might be a good idea.Just in case”, he replied with a smirk, his face growing red.He bit the package open and quickly rolled the condom on, leaping back on the bed and hovering over her. 

 

He kissed her gently as he finally, finally pressed into her.

 

Rey felt her eyes roll back as that familiar stretching sensation took over her entire body.Her legs were around his waist again, and her hands were on his sides, inviting him to bury himself inside of her.

 

He pulled back to look at her, their faces so close together, both breathing heavily.Finally, Ben began to move. 

 

He was gentle at first, but then began to pick up the pace as he kissed Rey’s lips.At one point he held her hands above her head, kissing her neck as she moaned and writhed beneath him.He then pushed her knees up to her chest, and she felt herself climb higher as he was able to angle himself even deeper inside of her. 

 

“I love you”, she whispered to him at one point.

 

“God Rey, I love you so fucking much”, he rasped into her hair.

 

Just when she thought she couldn’t feel any better, Ben reached his fingers down between them and began swiping at her clit.She immediately shattered, grabbing onto his back and pulling him deeper as she squeezed her eyes shut and loudly rode out her orgasm.He came seconds after her, groaning deeply as his movements became much more erratic.Finally, they both stilled.

 

A few seconds later, the emotion of everything that had just happened hit her like a ton of bricks.Tears invaded her eyes and she began to sob heavily against him.Ben looked devastated.

 

“Hey”, he said worriedly.“Are you okay?What’s wrong?Did I hurt you?”

 

“No, no no”, she sobbed, looking up at him as heavy tears continued to fall.“I just missed you so much and I can’t believe you’re home and I don’t ever want you to leave me again”, she wailed. 

 

“I won’t leave you again”, he vowed, drawing her into a tight hug.“I’m here for good.I promise”.

 

——

 

 

“What’s this?”Ben asked, reaching over and picking up the protest sign that was next to her bed.

 

“Oh”, Rey replied, her face coloring a bit.“I go to protests with my friends sometimes”.

 

“You protest the soldiers?”Ben asked.

 

“No, no”, Rey replied quickly.“We protest the WAR.Like, the governments who started it all.The reasoning behind it.And all the senseless killing and death”.

 

“Oh”, Ben said.“I get that”.

 

“Is… that okay?” Rey asked quietly, sensing Ben was a little apprehensive.

 

“Yeah, of course”, he replied quickly.“This war is a fucking shit show and never should have happened.It’s just…” he trailed off.

 

“What is it?”Rey asked, gently stroking the skin of his chest with her thumb.

 

“We got spat on by protesters, when we came home.Like, the second we stepped off the bus downtown.We were tired, dirty, still in our uniforms, we hadn’t been home in months, we just came from one of the worst possible environments, and the first thing we see when we get back was people screaming at us.They were swearing, giving us the finger, and they actually spat at us.What a fucking warm welcome”. 

 

Rey’s heart broke as she saw his eyes grow a little red with tears.She rested her head on his chest and hugged him tight.

 

“You know I’d _never_  do that, right?”

 

“Yeah”, I do”, he replied, gently stroking her back.

 

 

——

 

 

“She’s gonna be home soon.We need to get dressed so we don’t have to face her wrath”.Rey said.She and Ben had spent the past few hours lazily talking and cuddling.

 

“Seems like a real nice roommate”, Ben replied sarcastically. 

 

“She’s not that bad, once you get used to her”, Rey laughed.

 

“You want to go somewhere else?”Ben asked, sliding slowly out of bed and picking up his clothes.

 

“Like where?”Rey asked.

 

“Well”, he started, a smile growing on his face.“How would you like to get a hotel room for the night?”

 

Rey felt her face light up.

 

“We can get a nice room, with no one to bother us, we can stay in bed the entire time, and we can order as much room service as we want”.

 

“ _Hell_ yes I want that”, Rey replied with a joyful giggle.

 

 

——

 

 

The next morning, Rey woke up with Ben in her arms.She couldn’t remember a time when she felt more at peace, and for the first time in her life, she felt absolutely complete.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Semperfidani and LeiaMyLabrador for inspiring part of this chapter.
> 
> If there are any spelling/grammar errors in this, I'm very sorry! I'm exhausted and I have to be up extremely early tomorrow, but the writing bug bit me tonight and I just couldn't stop!
> 
> Only one more chapter to go and I'm actually ridiculously sad about that! I've had the absolute best time writing this story. I hope you've enjoyed reading it.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I'm not exaggerating when I say that comments literally make my day.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_)


	15. Across the Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI this chapter contains a mention of pregnancy, though no one is actually pregnant in the story. It's kind of a sensitive subject for me, so in case it is for anyone else too, just giving you the heads up.
> 
> \----
> 
> I am SO SAD this is over!! 
> 
> I started this story almost two months ago on a whim, and it has been such an amazing, rewarding experience. To everyone who read, bookmarked, subscribed, left kudos, and commented on this story... you have boosted my confidence immeasurably, and I can't thank you enough. I really hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I hope to have another one in the works soon, I have an idea of where and when it will take place, I just need to come up with an actual plot for it.

_Sounds of laughter, shades of life_  
_Are ringing through my opened ears_  
_Inciting and inviting me_  
_Limitless undying love_  
_Which shines around me like a million suns_  
_It calls me on and on across the universe_

_-The Beatles_

 

 

August 1974

 

4 Years Later

 

 

Rey watched through the passenger side window as she took in the sight of the lush, green countryside.The car wound between green peaks of the Catskills, eventually giving way to flat farmlands, with red silos and cows dotting the landscape.

 

It had been five years since Rey had been on this road, but even now it felt so familiar to her; it was as though she’d left only yesterday.

 

The car leisurely made its way up state route 17B, passing the large casino and raceway in Monticello, and then a couple of Hasidic retreats, where men dressed in wide brimmed hats and long black coats walked along the side of the street with their wives, a gaggle of young children always following behind. 

 

When they passed through White Lake, Rey squealed when she saw a familiar place.

 

“Look, Ben!” Rey cried, gently grabbing his arm.“Remember the day we went there?”

 

It looked much different without the massive crowds of people, but she saw a grin break out on Ben’s face as they passed the sign for Max Yasgur’s dairy farm. 

 

Though it looked like an ordinary farm now, Rey remembered back to that weekend five years ago when that very farm had been transformed into the third largest city in New York State. It was the place where they’d spent a day wandering in the sun amongst half a million other people, listening to live music and enjoying each others’ company.It was the place where they’d experienced their first kiss, and where she’d opened up to Ben about her past for the first time.

 

She would never forget that day as long as she lived.

 

Rey began to grow a little nervous as they approached the resort.She subtly fidgeted in her seat, her knee bouncing up and down as she twisted her hands around in her lap.

 

Ben put his hand on her knee to calm her, taking his eye off the road for just a second.

 

“There’s no reason to be nervous”, he said.

 

“I know, I know” Rey replied.They’d had this same conversation a few times before, but the closer they got to the Alderaan, the more she remembered back to that humiliating day where she had been forced to leave.“I just keep thinking about how the director of the entire resort fired me because he caught us having sex outside”, she laughed incredulously.It was a pretty preposterous story, but it was one of the many things that made their relationship unique. 

 

“Ackbar’s retired so he won’t be catching us having sex anywhere”, Ben laughed. “Besides, he went to our wedding.I’m pretty sure he’s gotten over it by now”.

 

Rey laughed and looked down at the dainty gold band adorning her finger.Just above it was another ring, a sparkly, modestly sized princess cut diamond.Ben had chosen it perfectly, knowing she wouldn’t want some gaudy monstrosity on her finger.

 

She smiled as she looked over at Ben’s hand, which sported a matching gold band, though his was much thicker. 

 

“I still can’t believe it’s been two years”, she said with a soft smile.

 

“Happy anniversary”, Ben said, taking one hand off the steering wheel and covering hers with it.

 

They’d originally planned on waiting until college was finished to get married.But, they’d wanted so badly to move in with each other and to start their lives together, that they caved and began planning their wedding while Rey was in her second year of college. 

 

Ben reenrolled in NYU the autumn after he returned from Vietnam, changing his major to psychiatry.He had benefitted so much from his therapy that he was inspired to go into the field for himself.He wanted to help returning soldiers deal with their traumas from the war. 

 

Rey looked over at Ben who was focused on the road, and smiled.She was so proud of him.He had a year left of school, and he was thriving.He still saw his counselor once a week, but he hadn’t had any issues with his anger in a long time.

 

Rey had just graduated a few months before, and had just secured a job in the city for herself, which was to start at the end of the summer.She still volunteered at her mother in law’s foundation, working closely with underprivileged young kids.Money wasn’t exactly an object anymore, since Ben had a hefty inheritance.But still, Rey had grown up working hard, so she felt it necessary to continue doing so.She wanted to contribute something good to the world.

 

Sometimes, she wondered if she was living someone else’s life.It all still felt too good to be real.

 

As they pulled into the tree-lined driveway of the Alderaan, Rey thought about how she never would have even met Ben if she hadn’t spent the summer here when she was eighteen years old.She also never would have met Rose and Poe, who along with Finn, still made up her core group of friends. 

 

She squeezed Ben’s hand as he drove down the small road to the hotel.

 

Once they were settled in their room (which Leia had paid for as an anniversary gift), they headed over to the dining hall because Rey was starving, per usual. 

 

It felt strange to be a guest in the place she once worked.Being catered to still felt strange, and she found herself being extra kind to the young girl who was serving them. 

 

After they ate, they walked hand in hand through the woods, finding themselves automatically going in the direction of the old boathouse. 

 

The sign forbidding guests to enter was still there, and Rey felt her heart leap a bit when she thought about how she was now a guest.She grinned when she saw the familiar dock, with the rickety old boathouse behind it.This was where she’d really gotten to know Ben.Where they’d kissed and talked for hours each day, where they’d learned so much about each other, and also about themselves.Rey felt a tear slide down her face as she remembered.They walked out to the end of the dock, watching the lake quietly for a few minutes.

 

“So you want to, uh, go relive old times?” Ben asked, breaking the silence as he gestured to the boathouse, grinning suggestively.Rey burst out laughing.

 

“We probably shouldn’t push our luck again”, she giggled.“It didn’t work out so well for us last time”.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”, Ben replied with a smirk, leaning down to kiss her.

 

They remained on the dock for a long time, sitting peacefully with their arms circled sweetly around each others’ backs. 

 

They finally headed back to their room as night began to fall.

 

It was set up exactly the same as the room Ben had brought her to the first time they’d made love, and Rey grinned at the memory.Ben must have been thinking the same thing, because he smiled salaciously as they stepped inside.

 

“So, should we christen this room now or later?”

 

Rey narrowed her eyes in mock confusion.

 

“Now, obviously”. 

 

Rey closed the distance between herself and Ben, circling her arms around and kissing him.They’d done this so many times by this point, but Rey knew in her heart it was something she’d never get even remotely sick of.Within moments they had torn each others’ clothes off, as Ben reached beside him to grab a condom.

 

“Umm”, Rey said, her face coloring a bit as she tried to formulate what she wanted to say.“Maybe… well, maybe we can do it without one this time”, she said, looking fearfully up at him.His eyes widened and he drew back a little.

 

“I thought you wanted to wait”, he said softly.

 

“I mean yeah, and we can if you still want to, but… I don’t know.Something about this… about being here, it just feels right.I… I think I want to start trying now.If you do, too”.

 

Ben looked ecstatic, gazing at her as though she’d just given him a gift.He laughed a little bit, his tone almost giddy with excitement.Finally, he leaned down to kiss her gently, and she smiled against him as a wave of pure happiness overtook her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jemangecrayons) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/spacey_gracie_), please come say hi!
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this story!


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